25 Dec 2010, 7:48 am
First off Merry Christmas everyone. In Christmas 2004 I handed out gifts happy/smile on my face etc. then Feb. 2005 my world came crashing down with the College suspension and since I have had a crying meltdown every Christmas since. I have college back YA! but I AGAIN! had a meltdown! I think I let things get to me too much. YES I got what I wanted YA! (I spent $250 on Black Friday for me) and all that got wrapped for me but there was no "surprise" I expected at least ONE WOW I didn't expect to get that. but no I got everything I already knew about (perhaps I'm selfish if so sorry). Also while watching the kids opening theres I said "come on" (As if in a hurry) Dad then called me a scrooge. 
Also while YES I did get a ton of videogames which is awesome and such as usual they joke around "Oh we will not see Brandy for a week she'll be in her room all day playing videogames." Sure these are jokes but for god sake what am I a DAMN drug addict?!
I'd think NOT! So AGAIN I started crying and mention "Sleep issues" when really it was all the above I was feeling. Also With the whole Colllege obsession issue usually Christmas/New Years is a time for me to think of that college failure my life screw ups etc. Not "peace/Happiness etc." This year there was a big family fight and since May Nanny hasn't talked to us at all so I upset her to the point to where she doesn't come around so that's upsetting. I wish I didn't let these things get to me. On top of that I hope/dream/wish for a Boyfriend/friends there family to be caring/helpful understanding of my behaviors instead of getting rude comments tossed at me but sometimes it's depressing because right now it IS just a hope/dream. Merry Christmas everyone. 
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 121,167
Location: In my own little country
25 Dec 2010, 9:28 am
I hope that Christmas isn't always like this for you.
Merry Christmas to you, too. 
25 Dec 2010, 12:39 pm
25 Dec 2010, 5:00 pm
Also while YES I did get a ton of videogames which is awesome and such as usual they joke around "Oh we will not see Brandy for a week she'll be in her room all day playing videogames." Sure these are jokes but for god sake what am I a DAMN drug addict?!I'd think NOT! So AGAIN I started crying and mention "Sleep issues" when really it was all the above I was feeling.
Also With the whole Colllege obsession issue usually Christmas/New Years is a time for me to think of that college failure my life screw ups etc. Not "peace/Happiness etc." This year there was a big family fight and since May Nanny hasn't talked to us at all so I upset her to the point to where she doesn't come around so that's upsetting. I wish I didn't let these things get to me. On top of that I hope/dream/wish for a Boyfriend/friends there family to be caring/helpful understanding of my behaviors instead of getting rude comments tossed at me but sometimes it's depressing because right now it IS just a hope/dream. Merry Christmas everyone. I get everything you're saying. Its difficult but yeah.. they are jokes, I got them as well. Video games were my main hobby growing up, we're actually in the same generation, I turn 25 in three days tho. I think when we feel teased or excluded from a group, even the lighthearted jokes can get to us. If we respond angrily to them, people assume we're crazy instead of realizing how tough it is and how hard it is we're actually trying.
I dropped out of highschool and then college due to the sheer anxiety of making friends, and being sensitive to being teased and bullied. I'd like to think.. i'd at least do somewhat better in similar situations as far as enduring goes anyway.
Life surely isn't easy =/ Merry Christmas.
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