GF staying over longer than agreed

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Bethie
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03 Jan 2011, 12:22 am

I don't know if this kind of thing works out very often-
whether NT or Aspie,
it's heartbreaking to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to spend as much time with you as you need.

Such is why I broke up with my last flame. :cry:

Plus...if you feel like you have to be "on" to the same extent with your significant other as with every Tom, Dick, and Harry you're forced to spend time around otherwise, I can't imagine that the relationship is very close. If you feel pressured just to interact and spend time with someone, is there real intimacy there?


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meems
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03 Jan 2011, 1:59 am

The last time I had a boyfriend who only wanted to see me once a week, I got a girlfriend. Then another boyfriend. That worked for me. Could you deal with being in an open relationship? Could she? It's not meant to be an insulting question(I know a lot of people get upset at the suggestion.) it's just a suggestion. If she could be getting attention from someone else, she wouldn't need as much from you.

I live with my current boyfriend but even spending the last week away from him prompted me to see how he felt about me sleeping with one of my ex-girlfriends. He wasn't OK with it. However, if I had to spend a few weeks up here away from him, I would just end things and go back to polyamorous relations. Maybe I need way more sex than some people but a lack of regular sex(I mean at least daily) is really boring and draining for me. If I can't cuddle/be intimate with someone pretty frequently, that's kind of a drag as well.

I love my boyfriend but if we weren't together on a regular basis I don't think we'd work. He needs alone time and personal space and he gets it, but it's usually in the form of me spending hours out doing something daily or vice versa. And if he asks for alone time to read or work on school stuff I give him the bedroom or the living room and we aren't nearly on the same sleeping schedule, so we spend only a few hours(I'd say an average of three) in each others company daily. At least half of that is sex and eating meals together. The rest of it is just watching a movie/TV show together or, rarely, talking. Neither of us feels smothered... and we spend very little time together all in all. We're even moving into a two-bedroom apartment so we can have separate bedrooms, we both prefer sleeping alone and like to have personal space that is just ours.

Man. It is kind of weird to me that you complain about spending more than a day with your girlfriend each week and I live with my boyfriend and see him less than that. How did I... get so lucky!



Faspie
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03 Jan 2011, 3:56 am

Sorry, not sure if I said more than one day a week was a limit I had -- if I did say that it was a mistake. I usually see her once during the week, and then again over the weekend. When I said one night that was just a hypothetical example, of her coming over for one night but staying for two.

The problem was that for the past 3-4 months, for probably 3 out of every for weeks, she'd be sleeping over my house 3-4 nights a week. This meant I had little to no time to myself on the weekends, and the weeks are pretty much filled up with work and other scheduled activities, leaving me no time Mon - Fri to relax and recharge. The weekend is the only opportunity I have to recharge alone.

I've tried to be very flexible about it but over time the effect of not getting enough alone time has built up to a now significant level.

There's a LOT I will probably say to her, so much that it's hard to organize it. This endeavor is equal to writing a paper for school. So far I've been writing a ton of stuff just to get everything down, because sometimes this is the only way I can become aware of patterns in my thoughts and behaviors, and draw meanings from them. And being the over-communicator that I am when I write, I will have a hard time deciding which information to include and which to exclude. And it's not like it's all relevant info that I should just send over, it's sort of weird repetitions of certain points in different ways, and connecting the dots from start to finish of points I try to make in painstaking detail, because I always want to be absolutely sure that the reader will understand me. This backfires though because the writing can end up convoluted and hard to understand.



Jono
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03 Jan 2011, 8:51 am

Faspie wrote:
Sorry, not sure if I said more than one day a week was a limit I had -- if I did say that it was a mistake. I usually see her once during the week, and then again over the weekend. When I said one night that was just a hypothetical example, of her coming over for one night but staying for two.

The problem was that for the past 3-4 months, for probably 3 out of every for weeks, she'd be sleeping over my house 3-4 nights a week. This meant I had little to no time to myself on the weekends, and the weeks are pretty much filled up with work and other scheduled activities, leaving me no time Mon - Fri to relax and recharge. The weekend is the only opportunity I have to recharge alone.

I've tried to be very flexible about it but over time the effect of not getting enough alone time has built up to a now significant level.

There's a LOT I will probably say to her, so much that it's hard to organize it. This endeavor is equal to writing a paper for school. So far I've been writing a ton of stuff just to get everything down, because sometimes this is the only way I can become aware of patterns in my thoughts and behaviors, and draw meanings from them. And being the over-communicator that I am when I write, I will have a hard time deciding which information to include and which to exclude. And it's not like it's all relevant info that I should just send over, it's sort of weird repetitions of certain points in different ways, and connecting the dots from start to finish of points I try to make in painstaking detail, because I always want to be absolutely sure that the reader will understand me. This backfires though because the writing can end up convoluted and hard to understand.


Like I said, try explaining to her that need your alone time. If you have trouble communicating this with her, then try writing the issues down and showing it to her.