Is it too easy to let the condition define you?

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I think some people could be held back from achieving what they want to, cause they know they've got aspergers or whatever to fall back on. It seems a lot of people mention they have it, wherever they go. From what I see, like dating sites or social one. I wouldn't mention it in places like that, and don't feel the need to. Maybe i've been guilty of using it when I shouldn't have. I dunno though, I guess its a fine line?

Well I think it would be better to mention it a dating site then not to, that way if that will be a problem with someone they won't bother messeging you or anything. Though I see no reason to mention it 'everywhere' and in every social situation.

My own opinion is that the line is different for each of us. What are we comfortable with? What works for us? Those are the only standards I think apply. I neither owe it to everyone I meet to disclose every fact about myself, nor is there any reason I must conceal my basic neurological nature. If I find myself using it as an excuse, then I'd feel I needed to step back a bit. If, on the other hand, if keeping others from discovering this fact about me starts to get in my way, then I'd better open up. So, yes, it is a fine line for each of us - but each of us must also draw the line where it works best for us. Sorry; I wish I had a clearer answer for you.

Using intrinsic traits to excuse behaviors is a human thing not an aspie one. People justify their behaviors all the time. It a constant struggle to find the right balance between excuses and real limitations.

I don't mention it, either. It's probably apparent that I am not my best in social situations, so why bother mentioning it when it's so obvious, anyway.
I just do the best I can to get through them

I didn't know for the first 54 years of my life. Looking back now, I can see all the way through how Asperger traits defined me, without my being aware of them, and probably held me back. If nothing else, knowing now has made me accept a whole lot more of what I didn't and did accomplish. I'm hoping that identifying how AS has defined me makes me a little more comfortable with myself, and a little more able to enjoy what I can and stop struggling so much.

I guess it depends whereabouts on the spectrum you are. I only got diagnosed a few years ago, so i've grown up, having to adapt to these things. Its not that obvious i've got aspergers in most situations. I wouldn't see why its important for a girl to know, though I have told them after i've made a complete mess of things in the past. But i'd rather see where I went wrong, and deal with those problems individually.

Maybe its something better mentioned later on. I guess if people met and got talking on this site, it wouldn't be an issue haha. But yeah, you're right, seems it depends on the individual.

Another human thing is to assume that people who use intrinsic traits to explain their behavior and actions are looking for an excuse.

I've observed that people who have an acute illness (say, the flu) can get away with more behavioral explanations on the basis of having the flu than someone with a chronic, lifelong condition can, even if the latter is more severe.

I do not think it is difficult to find the right balance between excuses and real limitations. I just think whatever balance one finds will be interrogated constantly.

For a while I did, thinking it would make a difference in the way people treated me. I got no results from it and now I just don't care. People continue to hate me either which way.

I think if you're going to date someone seriously, you need to tell them.

But it's a big part of my identity. I mention it just like I'd mention being an engineer or a Christian or a cat lover, and if people reject me because of it, that's their problem.

I think labels are dangerous because professionals and lay people alike have a "set" image of what Asperger Syndrome is. But the reality is that we are a very diverse umbrella and people might wrongly to us attribute characteristics that are common in Asperger Syndrome but that we as individuals might not have.

The only thing more central or important to me and who I am than my Asperger's is my faith.

Thing is I don't want to be mistaken for normal so I tell people that I know well that I'm autistic. All my Facebook friends know. I prefer people knowing, otherwise I'll just be that extremely weird person. I mean I still am but it's better to have a name for it.
It's obvious that I'm autistic.
It's a big part of my life. Every choice I make I take my autism into account. I don't stop myself from doing things unless they are extremely overwhelming, although sometimes my stubbornness to do things could have landed me in hospital.

I agree with Callista, you do need to tell people you have it. But I wouldn't tell them from the start until I feel comfortable. I like people to get to know me first because telling them I have AS will lead to assumptions that are false for me because every aspie is different and they might assume the worst for me based on what they have read about it and think I am worse than I really am. Also part of human nature, assuming the worst. But if you have it mild, you don't need to be defined by it and have it describe you.

But I don't go around telling people I have it because one I don't think it's their business, two, I don't think they need to know and I don't find it very important and three, if I tell people I have it every time something goes wrong between us, it will make it look like I am using it as an excuse and four, it's embarrassing and I might embarrass myself because what if something I did had nothing to do with AS and I just assumed it did.

People that know me long enough can already tell I have something different about me because I can't be normal 24/7 and I can make up excuses for my traits to make it look like something else like "Oh I am just shy" and I am sure some people can tell on the first day they see me like my husband did but he said it was a feeling he had and also the fact I had insulted him and then went "what?" and didn't know what his problem was. He then knew I was "innocent" as most people have described me. Somehow they can tell I am that without even knowing me well so I figure it must be my appearance, something in my body that gives off that vibe. I often wonder how things would have been between my husband and I if I never told him I had it. Would things be the same or would he have thought different of me? He once said he would have thought I didn't like him and think I was some violent person and didn't care about him. He did think at first I didn't like him until I went "what?"

I often think I don't need to be understood by a label and how people treat me pretty much tells me what kind of people they are and if they have to be all super nice to me over a label, forget it. No special treatment. Treat me like dirt if that is how you treat other people but that doesn't mean I will like it or want it but I sure don't need special treatment by having you be all nice to me while you are a jerk to others. If I see you being nice to me and then I find out you don't treat others that way, I will just think of you as a jerk because I assume you are that kind of person by how you treat others and you are being nice to me because you somehow can tell I am different. And there are people out there who don't give a darn so they keep treating you the same way they did before, in a bad way and don't even cut you some slack or even try to understand.

Agreed. It is difficult enough to know when it is some basic limitation in myself and not me "being lazy". It is nearly impossible to find an acceptable balance that meets other's standards. The best hope is to be around people that are slow to pass judgment. And I;m not sure which is worse, those that condemn or those that condescend.