Hi all! Can I get some advice?

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Hi all! I'm fairly new here and I'm looking for some advice. Ok so I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was like 4 I've always had severe anxiety and when I was really little I was harassed, bullied, and threatened allot up until 9th grade where I learned social skills 99%, learned to box and just became a more confident person overall. However I still have anxiety and some depressed like symptoms...there a bit confusing so I would like to share them since I can't even get 1min with a psychiatrist:

Anxiety:
-I don't sleep very well at all, I take Lorazepam for that but I ran out last week and my sleep and anxiety are insane at the moment. The only way I get through the day is just constant adrenaline rush, its like a flight or fight response constantly going. I crash then it comes back I crash then it comes back...its weird.
-Everytime I see someone I care about get hurt or bullied I get "flashbacks" of when I was being bullied and I get an extreme rush of adrenaline and frustration.
-I'm very social and generally good around women but I can't really get into a relationship...I have this fear. Its really obscure I feel like Im in shock if it comes up.
-I always sit in an area where I have clear view of the room. I don't get scared easy I just like to be vigilant of my surroundings.

But heres the thing..I don't really show the anxiety at all. My friends regard me as cool, calm, confident and collected. The anxiety affects me in that I have trouble focusing on my school work when im in fight or flight all the time.

Depressive symptoms:
-No sense of well being; this is strange because I always feel confident but I never have a sense of well being.
-Little things disappoint me; canceled practice, or someone doesn't txt back create this wave of "shock" on me and it causes distraction

I am an endurance athlete and I used to get that "runners high" I never get that anymore...its like dysphorea all the time. Even when I rarely relax I never get a sense of well being and I don't think I ever have. I have been on lets see:
zoloft, prozac, gabapentin, trileptal, wellbutrin, straterra, focalin, adderral, xanax, ativan, diazepam, and a bunch more I know I'm missing I just don't remember the names. None of these agents seamed to relieve the anxiety and replace it with a sense of well being that lets me function. The ONLY time Ive had a sense of well being, balls out motivation (other than on my hyper focuses), and no anxiety is when I broke my hand in 5 places and had to be on oxycontin for a month (September 10'). I got my work done perfectly, I wasn't so stressed I just shut down, I felt like everything would fall into place and it did. Well obviously I can't just stash up on oxycontin for that purpose that is rediculous, risky and by todays medical standards abusive, interesting side note though; in the 50's here in the USA they used oxymorphone (the metabolite of oxycodone) for depression and anxiety until tricyclic antidepressents came around which proved to be far less effective a highly toxic. Anyways does anyone have any suggestions, or wonder drugs that I can realistically suggest to my internist? She's ub3r conservative and I see her like once every 3 months so if a medicine doesn't work I really am screwed. I'm just looking for something to fix this, I'm very smart by most standards and I need to be "there" for college and med school after (if I get there). Thanks in advance.....

Last edited by Aspie101MD on 16 Jan 2011, 11:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Would it be possible to ask her if there were a less toxic version of oxycontin and explain the effect it had on you? I'm only thinking about the fact you said it worked for you, I have no knowledge of medicines like this but the fact that you felt better on this when the other stuff doesn't seem to work seems to be a good idea to tell her about.

If may be that she won't help but at least you will have asked. Also, there is the possibility that she will hear you out and try a drug that is in between or milder that may work better.

Well you see oxycontin its not toxic the issue is its a opioid pain killer...the use of opioids as anti-anxiety/depressants is frowned at pretty harshly despite being the best choice for it there very addictive. There is literally no way a doctor would prescribe oxycontin for anything other than severe pain and that is regulated by the federal government's DEA, if I told her this I would most likely be labeled drug seaking/a drug addict and have trouble even getting prescribed the current drugs for my anxiety. I'm just curious if there is something out there that will help me that isn't rediculous.

Ah, sorry, I didn't know. I wish I knew something helpful then.

I would suggest switching from the opiods to Xanax. The main function of Xanax is to relieve stress/anxiety. I currently take Percocet for pain (opoid) and Xanax for stress/anxiety (along with so many other meds, it's not worth listing). I know you're having trouble getting in to see the therapist. Is this a school therapist? I've been going to therapy for a few years now (I let everything go on for too long before seeking help), and I am learning new techniques on how to fight the phobias (I'm also agoraphobic) without using medicine. It's a really hard road; hang in there. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions, etc.

Xanax and the Lorazepam are both short acting benzodiazepines and I used to take xanax occasionally. Ill ask my doctor about switching to xanax or klonopin though. I noticed the Xanax and the Lorazepam take the anxiety off but they don't give the well being feeling. As for the opioids; I don't take them, at least not on a regular basis for obvious reasons, I have chronic pain as well. My school does have a psychologist...I've spoken with her she's...okay. My internist specializes in psychology but she still has that get in get out feel. I used to see a therapist though, it was very helpful; but after 10 years of psychotherapy I'm starting to think that something pharmacologicaly is needed. Its not like I just noticed something wrong, I've just been dealing with it by ignoring it and that just causes more stress.

No one else has any suggestions? Or am I just worst case scenario?