going postal

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anyone ever thought about doing this? I've been f****d over so many times in my life that I feel like I deserve redemption by making everyone pay, regardless of how innocent you are. You have the potential to hurt me, so I have every f*****g right to take your life. Sometimes I think taking someone's life would be almost orgasmic. I fantasize about it alot. The only thing holding me back is not wanting to disgrace my family if I made national news with this. If it wasn't for that, you can better believe I would take as many lives as I could to do the rest of humanity a favor, a preemption to a bloody suicide.

Yes I have thought this.
Mainly directed at the bullies.
Those who dont understand in RL what we are.

Take as many as you can with you....

I have thought of this too. You're not alone.

I am talking now from the point of someone who has AS, takes a lot of medication to control anger, and has had all the commone experiences everyone else has with AS. I have never been angry at other people for the fact that my brain is wired a little differently. Pissed off, yes, but never so angry or frustrated with myself that I thought, I ought to just blow my brains out.

I guess it takes having killed people (and the military thinks I've probably killed more than 25, those were the "confirmed kills,") and ya know what, it didn't make me feel good to shoot them, or to watch them die, and I have anger problems big time and always have. Don't say "that was a war." That doesn't make a bit of difference. Killing is killing. It's all murder. And you don't feel good doing it. You don't pull the trigger and yell, "take that, you son-of-a-bitch. You realize that you were a little faster, and the poor guy in the mud probably had a family who cared about him or her.....and it shakes you up after awhile. That's why my family can't understand what I have against paintball games or violent video games. I've actually been there!

So what do you do? You remember one thing. There is a place for everyone in this world, but you've got to make it for yourself. And in the process, especially with AS, you're going to get knocked down a lot. You pick yourself up, and get back on the horse. It's not easy, but you've got to do it.

Ok. I'll shut up now.

I'll put my hand up to this too.

Partly as a technical exercise.
No, it's not "unthinkable". I find very little is "unthinkable."

And partly, when I am at my darkest places of depression, I can come to suspect that moist useful thing I could do for society is aknn to Winston Chuchill's "You can always take one with you" or two, or four, or...

On the other hand, a good "run amok" would at least ensure food and shelter for an extended period.

Panic not, at the moment I think I can do better than all of the above options.

I don't see how that would redeem you. And it would certainly make you one of the people who f**k over others. Do you really want to join them? I admit to not understanding your motivation here. My worst experience of getting screwed over made me more determined NOT to become one of the s**theads.



If you are consistent in that reasoning, and allow others to claim the same justification, then because you had the POTENTIAL to hurt those who screwed you over, they would have had the right to kill you. Then you have no right to complain if they did less.



How can it be a favour if you intend to kill people at random? I admit there is a large number of widely respected organizations, from governments to companies, which do this either as a side product or even as an essential part of their operations, and claim it is all for the greater good, but I don't see that as a reason to join the lunacy. Two billion bigots can be wrong.

nihilist_void, have you a question?

I'm nearing the end of my rope in life. Seven years of bipolar, borderline, schitzotypal disorders, tend to take a toll on you after a while.

nihilist_void, have you a question?

No. dont ever shut up. That was profound.

No, nihilist_void, have you a question? What answer is useful unless one has a question? Surely your problems go beyond the words of consolation offered you here.