is anyone else here a caregiver for an older relative?

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This is really getting to me. I am very good functioning in my job, which basically lets me be alone with my computer a lot or deal with people one to one in a very structured way where I have a clear role and a sort of job "script".

Now I am caring for my mom who has dementia, not too bad yet, and she lives in a care facility where they have a social program and meals and stuff and staff all night awake. I spend about 10-15 hours a week with her for appointments and such and just to visit. In person I can manage, even though often I think I say the wrong thing to old people as I get a lot of strange looks, but that's nothing new.

She needs to talk on the phone so I call her every morning and night to say good morning and good night. I can handle that, ask her how she is, what she had for dinner, the weather.

Otherwise I just like to be alone, but she always loved to talk on the phone and now she calls me, sometimes 10-20 times a day. She used to have other friends to talk to, but most of them have died now.

I hate talking on the phone without a clear purpose. I don't get folks who just jabber away to each other for hours about what seems to me unimportant stuff, small talk, you know?

Anyone else dealing with something similar? Any advice?

Its not easy

My grandmother had dementia and passed away a few years ago now at 78. Up until the final 4 or 5 years she lived at home with my mum and dad until she really needed constant care and then she went into a good place here in the country.

I regularly visit my great aunt who is suffering from the same thing, at 99.9 years old, not a bad run. I used to live 20 minutes away when i was living in sydney, but since i have moved home to the country its now a 5 hour round trip to see her, which i do once a week.

Luckily she has another person, a dear friend of hers, who comes and sees her on a different day so we split her week up for visitors. I know its difficult to cope with and have conversations that clear purpose, i struggle myself sometimes with this, especially when shes really confused and you try and bring her back to reality. Luckily she has really only started becoming worse in the last year, up till then we could sit and talk about any thing or any point in her life or any subject in current events and spend 4 hours or so without effort.

Sadly its now much different, and its difficult to have conversations with her, so i know where you are coming from. Especially lately when topics are becoming much more disjointed and she will skip from current day to 30 or even 60 years ago without realising. But all you can do is be a good listener and try and find a way to try and steer her back on course.

She turns 100 in a month and while even as far back as when she was 96 she said she didnt want or care about making 100, she has actually been excited about it when she remembers how close it now is.

The only advice i have is to be a good listener, which you already are. It seems you are doing a lot more than most people would do for someone with dementia! Im lucky i have her friend to help keep her mind active and break up her week with, so i do feel for you doing it by yourself.

Hard. My mother in law lived with us till she died - had her own space. Not bad though it had its moments.

My father nstitutionalized with very advanced Alzheimer's - my sisters do most of it, being either geographically or in personality better equipped.

My mother-in-law is suffering from dementia and is in an ALF. She has good days and bad days. We all do what we can to stay involved. There are people there whose families have basically abandoned them and it's very sad.

I would speak with the doctor and nursing staff at the next consultation (or request a special one) to limit your mother's access to the phone so that she's not disrupting your entire day. There ought to be scheduled activities, so they would only have to get her locked into a different routine full of activities where she's only able to make time to call you in the morning and at night.

I've been taking care of my grandma for the past 9 years. (She lives in my house.) She's 92 now and getting very slow and forgetful. I don't like it much to be honest, but I'm used to taking care of her now. I'm just dreading my own parents' aging. They're absolutely difficult compared to grandma and I don't think we can live together without fighting constantly. We only talk on the phone about once or twice a week and we get into fights a lot. Sometimes I hate whoever invented telephones. I guess most people think being old and lonely is not good and old people's families should visit or call a lot. To me being alone is great so I have trouble understanding the fuss.

You're much more patient than me, taking that many phone calls. You have to be honest with her and tell her you don't have the time to talk all day. Can you help your mom make some new friends? Surely the care center has loads of people like her who like to talk and have lots of time to talk. Can she text you or something so it's less disruptive to your activities?

I'm working full time at a Senior care center. It's really hard since i've known some of these people for years and it's hard to get to know these people when you know their going to die or deterioate. Regarding your post most of them just want to talk and talk. I get called over all the time and they ramble on about everything and anything.

I've just been through that. My father began to exhibit signs of dementia five years ago and I finally had to move in after he broke his hip. My kids had just moved out of my place, so it worked out fairly well. As he deteriorated things got harder and harder. I had a fair job as a projectionist and substitute manager at the local movie theater, but finally finding someone to watch him while I was working became impossible and I had to quit and just stay home with him. After a while I felt like I was in prison. That went on for two and a half years, and as time went on it got harder and harder to talk to him. The worst was when he forgot who I was and started believing I was a stranger with no name.

He finally passed away last month. Now I'm all alone in a five bedroom house, no job, I have no real clue what to do next. He was always there for me.