End of my rope

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My brother came home drunk yet again

First thing he did is start yelling at me. First because i didn't investigate why his dog was barking. With him i investigate he yells a don't investigate he yells so no matter what i do he yells
Then he yells because i would rather be on my computer than watch TV.

He gets me to the point that i no longer wish top live or verbalize my feelings because it doesn't do any good. Why don't i just permanantly shut outthe world that might actually make thing easier for me. Death is an adventure yet to be had.

Me seeking help doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere so why continue

As he has told me if i wanna die just go kill myself

My brother Jim is 18 to 19 years older than me. As a young child i really didn't know him as he lived with my grandmother until he got married. When i was 12 he and my sister in law had my neice on my 12th birthday thats really when i started to really get to know him as i would go visit them every now and then other than that they would drop my neices off with my parents. When i was 18 my mother would have my brother take me out for driving lessons. He would have me drive out to a package store in Oxford Ma and he would pick up a few Six packs and get back in to the car then he would start drinking them while he had me drive by the time we would get back to his place he would be smashed so his wife would have to drive me back home. in Nov of 1998 i passed my road test and got my Drivers License. He now says that the only reason that i got my license is because he talked the MA State Trooper in to giving it to me. On Jan 19th 1999 at 7:01 pm my mother died. A few weeks after my mother died my brother had a fight with my sister because my brother wanted my sister to give me all of my mothers hard liquar so that i could drink it. After i graduated High School my family thought it best to have me move to CA with my father's brother and his family but that didn't work out so i moved back to MA to stay with my grandmother who was sick at the time. So on Jan 3rd 2000 my aunt found my grandmother dead. After the funeral my aunt had my sister and her husband and their 3 month old move in with me. Thing were not always the best between me and my sister her just having a baby and me not really knowing how to be a live in baby sitter well on day i yelled at my nephew and my sister kicked me out so my aunt had me go stay with my brother til things cooled down and to keep him out of trouble as he and his wife seperated and he went and got wasted so my other brother had to bail him out of jail so they had me go stay with him. In the mean time my aunt and uncle bought a house in the next town over so my aunt had my sister and her family move into her apartment above where they were staying and i got the attic and my brother got the first floor. My brother has used my information in the past to get a land line phone without my consent he has been in and out of de tox for his drinking all court ordered. He isn't into doing physical abuse but rather mental abuse will not stop drinking and mmy aunt will not do anything to help me other than keep me from getting away from him. I got an apartment she called the land lord and told him that i wouldn't be able to keep it so he gave it away to someone else. My friends got an apartment close to me and she told me if i moved in with them that she would never talk to me again. If i was to move she couldn't keep the house that i am in now so my brother would have no place to go. So to keep the roof over his head i am made to suffer. I call her to let her know what is going on and she yells saying she doesn't want to hear it and hangs up the phone. when i am not home he goes through my room. Last Nov i had minor surgary so they gave me OxyCodtin i had 10 pills left the other day i found the bottle empty i called my aunt and she yelled at me saying that i should have hide them in my room. I am expected to put up with him being drunk all the time. The bar he goes to he will do work for them like clean the place or do odd jobs and in return he gets free beer or shots. In the past i have left the apartment to get away from him til he sobers up and gotten home to find that he has locked the door with his skeleton key and left it in the lock so that i couldn't get beck in my aunt tells me when he is drunk just go in my room and close the door but he justs opens it back up and yells at me even more. He has COPD Emphasema, and a brain injury from a beer bottle to the back of the head and sys that he will be dead in a few years. That i have no problems or that i haven to make any ajustments in my life. I have a colostomy bag for the rest of my life. I have to under go cancer tests every couple of months i have to be placed in a hypobaric chamber and put to a pressure of 2 atmosheres the equivenant of about 33 ft below sea level with 100% oxegen pumped in and he says that it isn't dangerous. He has a 3yo dog who isn't house broken when it has to go it goes into the bathroom and does it's thing on the floor he has two cats that i had to pay to have fixed because he would put them outside when they went into heat. and doesn't change there litter box til they start useing the tub for a litter box. The day after i got home from the hospital from haveing colorectal surgery he brings the neighbors dog who is wild into the apartment and lets it into my room and incourages it to go on to my bed where i am trying to rest. I can not win when it comes to him no matter what i do he yells at me i don't know to do

Wow I'm very sorry you have to live with that total fool. You can always call the police on him. I encourage you to try and leave as soon as you can afford it, you don't deserve to have to put up with that

Wyatt. I will think about this and figure something out. We will get you out of that mess.