Going to hospital (Warning: crazy talk)

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blue_bean
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05 Jul 2006, 9:38 am

Going to hospital................................................on friday morning.

Dont worry I'm not planning to physically hurt myself (though I have thought about it often).
I'm going to send an alarming email (a suicide threat) to my employer on friday morning. Hopefully if my employer has a soul, they will ring the police or something who will come and take me to hospital for psychiatric care. I think I will lose my job, but that isnt a primary concern.
I'm gonna lose my job anyway soon when I show them my s**t first semester uni results.
Why friday morning?. Well my mother goes to work really early in the morning and my father is away so he cant come and give me my usual ride to work. I'll have to find my own way to work but I'm not gonna go. Friday morning may be the only opportunity I get to do this.

I AM NOT GOING TO KILL MYSELF!!

I know, its horrible for me to lie about being suicidal, as a way out.
I dont know why I'm doing this but this is a time of desparation for me. I went to the doctor last week to ask about AS. He gave me a prescription for antidepressants and told me I dont have AS.
Yeah one doctor, big deal!. But nobody knows that I cant articulate to another doctor why I think I have AS. The cycle of doctors will go on and on. I'm not taking the antidepressants because they dont solve the underlying cause of my depression, which is work.
I have to send this email in order to make an impact, to let them know I am serious and that I've had enough of thier crap. I need time out.

Please before any of you tell me I'm doing the wrong thing consider the benefits that psych care will give me. All of the psych's in my town are unavailable for appointments unless you are in hospital. The only one that is available is too far away coz I have no car. I have seen this other psych about a year ago (when I had a boyf. as a chaufeur) and unknown to me till recently, she ruled out AS as well. I've actually visited friends at this hospital before, its not a bad place.
I want help!!, this is the only way I can think to get help.

I've realised of late that I have a very low opinion about myself and my abilities. My self esteem and confidence has never been this low ever. I feel really dumb and boring. I cant pay attention and absorb things (which is why my uni work fell behind plus I have an internet addiction). I get frustrated so easily, I'm too sensitive. If these psych's rule out AS I'm gonna try and get DX'd with ADD.

Thats all I can write at the moment. If anyone has a more sensible idea about how to get psychiatric help I'd like to hear it.

Or you can just say I'm stupid.
:cry: :cry:



Last edited by blue_bean on 06 Jul 2006, 5:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

MrMark
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05 Jul 2006, 10:21 am

I disagree with some of your premises and urge you reconsider. In the hospital you will have fewer options than you have now. You might be involuntarily medicated. Worse, you might be incorrectly medicated. I can understand why your doctor would want to address your depression before attempting to address your AS. It might have been better if he had said that you may or may not have AS, but I want to treat your depression first. I understand your resistance to the medication. I declined anti-depressant medication for 30 years. Nevertheless, it is a much less radical choice than the one you're considering. I urge you to give the medication a try before resorting to more radical approaches like hospitalization. If you do choose hospitalization, try for something called "voluntary commit." Demonstrating as much (NT) appropriateness as possible will help keep your options open. I know the anti-depressants don't solve the underlying cause of your depression, that's not the point. The medication is intended as a temporary, stop-gap measure to make it possible for you to continue important things like work and school until you get a better handle on the situation. I don't think you need a psychiatrist, I think you need a psychologist (Ph.D.) or even just a mental health counselor (Masters). Check with social services or a crisis hotline. And finally, I don't think you're stupid and would never say that. I just think you're in a lot of pain. Triage. Get that head wound looked at first, then worry about genetic anomalies. -Hope this helps, Mark



montjuic
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05 Jul 2006, 10:34 am

blue_bean wrote:

I've realised of late that I have a very low opinion about myself and my abilities. My self esteem and confidence has never been this low ever. I feel really dumb and boring. I cant pay attention and absorb things


I feel like that sometimes but it's okay because I know it's not true, and I guess the same is true for you. What are you doing at university? I don't know, but perhaps studying something more creative would suit you... ( i was thinking over the weekend that people who are creative should maybe lack abilities to learn and absorb things...but I'm probably just talking nonsense) Ignore me if this is irrelevent.

Why do you need a diagnosis of some sort?
I wouldn't reccommend doing something so dramatic. Can't you just come out and tell people around you how you feel?



Emoal6
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05 Jul 2006, 1:53 pm

while the premise of lying for benifical disturbs me, I can't say that I dont understand why you feel this way. It seems that for us the few, compared to NT's the many, we just like to whine and find excuses for why things dont work right for us. It seems fairly logical to go to the root of the problem instead of fight a symptom, but people just dont like to see that, they're hoping its the simple "cure" instead of the complex one. I myself am dealing with a situation like your's in a way but I will not say i condone the use of chicanary to gain a means of help. Realize that you will get charged by the state for the care you recieve, its not a free pass for anything. Also, they might even lock you up for a while to "protect yourself and others"(I've been down this road before(couple hours max)). Its a serious thing to claim and then have to either come out and say, I wasnt going to kill myself, I just need help or having to lie to yourself saying it was the only way you could get help. This is your life to do as you see fit, I would look into other options. With that being said, only you know whats going to help you the most and if you think this is the way out for you, I wish you the best. Even though I dont agree in principal, I offer you support in your time of need. Im sure most people will have this same outlook.



parts
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05 Jul 2006, 5:13 pm

Just becuse it's the hospital doesn't mean they all know what they are doing over the course of you stay you might be given multiple diagnosises differerent meds Plus you have no control over your situation they make all the rules and I can make a good bet you will not like them. They also tend to keep you till you insuance runs out so if you have good insurance get ready for a couple weeks of basicly prison with cousilers who a lot of times could care less and goons for the non complant yes they use restriants even if its not on you you have to listen to who it's on. It's a bad bad place. Maybe you should find a doctor who specializes in ASD and get an eval from him. Trust me I know from expirance trying to get my son out I got so mad my wife thought they were going to take me away :evil:


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blue_bean
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06 Jul 2006, 10:27 am

OK, Your advice has made me reconsider. I will not send the email in the morning. I may even be a trooper and go to work.
Sorry if I sound a bit dramatic, I'm not really the drama queen type. I just have a dark imagination (note that this is not a fake thing that I imagined, just feels like doomsday is coming is all). Horrible scenarios like the one I posted above cross my mind every day.

Insurance?, What insurance? 8O

Oh, and I'm studying for an accounting degree part-time. Theres not much creativity involved in that line of study :( . I'm studying via distance edu. so its totally up to me to learn and absorb everything in each subject. I work full-time as well.

I get my first semester marks on tuesday.
How do I approach my employer and show them my marks? (possibly two F's). They're paying for my degree so they will certainly be angry.
What do I tell them?.



Iammeandnooneelse
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06 Jul 2006, 3:42 pm

If you can't form the words, perhaps you should type it up, print it out and give it to them?



Iammeandnooneelse
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06 Jul 2006, 3:43 pm

Excuse me while I clcik the 'Watch' button.



MrMark
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06 Jul 2006, 4:16 pm

Hi Blue Bean-

I’m pleased to hear you reconsidered. If you really need it, the hospital will always be there.
Your employer may or may not be angry about your marks. They may require you to repay some or all of your fees. If you think you can afford it, you might consider a pro-active approach. Take the initiative and offer to repay your fees. Tell them the truth. Tell them you’re AS. Refer them to sites like WP et. al. for more information. If you would be more comfortable, tell them in writing. Also, consider talking to a counselor at your school. Find out if any accommodations are available. In the United States, the Americans with Disabilities Act protects people from being fired solely on the basis of a disability. See if your local library has information about similar protections under Australian law.
Again, I’m really glad you’ve decided to stay out here with us instead of going in the hospital, even if it’s just for now, and I hope things improve for you soon.

-Mark



emc
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10 Jul 2006, 7:17 pm

I know roughly where Blue Bean is in the geographical sense, so I understand the perspective of not getting assistance :( I have lots of Brisbane info, but not for Northern NSW.

Blue Bean, when are you coming to Brissie for a diagnosis? I can understand the desperation!!

Have you contacted Autism NSW at all?

PM me and I will research on the net where you can go for help, I'm sure it's a similar system down there, and I did get help in the past couple of years.



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10 Jul 2006, 11:49 pm

Seriously champ your best bet would be to make the drive to Brissy and have a chat to Tony Attwood or one of his mates. Your employer will most likely want you to pay back your uni fees if they paid up front, otherwise if they are re-embursing you they probably won't pay (but you should save a bit of face).

Did you consider tutoring, remedial help, etc.? There are normally 2nd or 3rd year students that would be more then happy to make a few dollars helping you through, my employer paid for some of my degree and I failed maths, so I got a nice Sri Lankan Statistics student who helped me through tutoring.

Does your employer give you time to study? Is there assistance available from other accountants? If you failed because you struggled (and you didn't have any help) maybe you need to mention that to your employer. It sounds to me like its a sort of cadetship, I'm sure you can work out a solution with your employer.

Believe me, the worst possible thing you can do would be to end up in the psyh. ward. They are normally in the public system and you'll meet some very scary and 'troubled' people there, and if you didn't feel like topping yourself before you will after being in there.


BTW the insurance they mean is health insurance, like our Medibank Private.



blue_bean
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11 Jul 2006, 4:05 am

Image

The marks were released at 5.00pm today, 15 minutes before I finished work. One of my work mates has a son that attends the same uni so she knew when the marks were being released and told everyone to bug me to check my marks at 5.00pm. I did my best to hold them off and I checked my marks when I arrived home. It was quite upsetting.

I'm not concerned about the fees or the cost of my study. My employer has stipulated that they wont pay if I fail. What I'm really scared of is thier dissapointment. There is gonna be quite a belittling verbal assault in the morning and its gonna be pointed in my direction. I have thier expectations to fulfil and this is not the first time I havent met them.
Theres no such thing as self-confidence building in my workplace.

If I live through to the end of tomorrow I am certainly dropping a subject next semester. :cry:

As for Tony Attwood, do you need a GP referral?. More importantly, how long is the waiting list for assessment at his clinic?. If the clinic finds that I dont have AS, will they do assessments for ADD as well?



rogal_dorn
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11 Jul 2006, 4:41 am

Oh well, look on the bright side, you got a credit in Statistics! :)

If you need to vent we'll be here tomorrow, just don't book yourself into the nuthouse.

I don't know about a referral, I'm in Central Qld and the phys's up here don't even know what AS is. Not that I'm worried, if I want to be diagnosed I'll go to Brissy, but I don't see having AS as a problem myself.

Good luck.



Aeriel
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11 Jul 2006, 7:54 am

blue_bean, I am glad you have reconsidered. Take it from one who's been there, being in a psych hospital will NOT get you "the care you need". It is more like being in jail with medications that you may not want. These places are holding cells to keep you from being a nuisance to others and/or making a mess when you off yourself. You will be unable to leave, you may be medicated involuntarily, and believe me your primary goal will be to get the f*** out of there, whatever it takes.

Anything - depression, aspergers, whatever - is being committed to a psych hospital. It's not an option, it just reduces your options by about 99%.



emc
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11 Jul 2006, 3:15 pm

blue_bean wrote:
As for Tony Attwood, do you need a GP referral?. More importantly, how long is the waiting list for assessment at his clinic?. If the clinic finds that I dont have AS, will they do assessments for ADD as well?


You don't need a GP referral. You make the appointment ASAP as the waiting lists are long. I don't know if Mr Attwood is taking any more people on, but there are other specialists at the Minds and Hearts Clinic at West End. There may also be other Psychologists closer to you if you ring Autism NSW. There is also a Psychiatrist in Brisbane I know of who diagnoses adults which can assist you getting assistance through the public system.

Believe me there's loads of assistance out there, and I have offered you through PM to find out about it. There's not much more I can do, this is very frustrating for me!! I know you are stressed out, but to do something you need to take some sort of action of telling the right people/asking the right people for help, and telling them about it. Crying on forums only offers limited relief.

Actually I was in the local psych ward last year, and they were quite helpful, things are changing, sorry I am going to work now, I have run out of time this morning.

(hugs)