Page 1 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

ScottF
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 815

25 Jan 2011, 10:57 pm

Is this common among AS people? For me, it seems I am just "here". I watch all my "friends" interacting and even on the internet, sometimes I feel as if I am invisible. I feel like I am somehow existing outside of reality, but only occasionally able to touch and interact with it...


_________________
One day you dumb, brainy smarties will look upon us and beg for mercy...and we will consider it. -Peter Griffin


ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jun 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,265

25 Jan 2011, 10:58 pm

It happens to me sometimes, too.



theWanderer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Oct 2010
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 996

25 Jan 2011, 11:27 pm

I've felt that way a lot. In the middle of crowds, I feel like I'm standing apart, in some kind of bubble.


_________________
AQ Test = 44 Aspie Quiz = 169 Aspie 33 NT EQ / SQ-R = Extreme Systematising
===================
Not all those who wander are lost.
===================
In the country of the blind, the one eyed man - would be diagnosed with a psychological disorder


Kiseki
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,604
Location: Osaka JP

25 Jan 2011, 11:34 pm

Absolutely. I tried to explain to my mom once that I felt like I was watching a TV show whenever I went out in public. She thought I was crazy.

I finally felt validated when I discovered this site.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 102,107
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden where Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow

25 Jan 2011, 11:39 pm

I don't need to feel connected to society to be happy. I enjoy the few friends that I have, and I enjoy my own company. :)


_________________
Mick

Kanye West 2020

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


bee33
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,324

26 Jan 2011, 12:46 am

I feel that way even here on WP.



ASMJT
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jan 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 308
Location: Wherever we decide to go...

26 Jan 2011, 12:51 am

bee33 wrote:
I feel that way even here on WP.


Agreed.



peterd
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2006
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,333

26 Jan 2011, 1:12 am

I've kind of gotten used to feeling like an outsider - except when the sharp edges catch on me and reduce me to tears.



schleppenheimer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,584

26 Jan 2011, 7:16 am

OK, I'll admit that I'm an NT mother here, but I have a couple of questions --

- do you all have friends that are equally as quiet or also feel like outsiders?

- is part of the problem of feeling like an outsider this: that it just doesn't occur to you to initiate an activity such as going to a movie, or out to dinner, with friends?

I'm just trying to understand the "outsider" feeling that is common.

I know that with my high-school age son, yeah, he feels like he's on the outside, but also, it honestly doesn't occur to him to invite somebody over. I keep telling myself that he will become more social when he and his friends can drive and have access to a car -- but I'm not so sure.

For example: NT's will have a superbowl party, where they will invite people over to watch the game and eat snacks. Am I right in thinking that this would not occur with aspies, in that:

a) it wouldn't occur to an aspie (I'm definitely generalizing here) to have a superbowl party
b) having a party would be inviting noise and chaos over to your house
c) it wouldn't necessarily be fun because maybe you don't share an interest in football that your friends may have

So if the above scenario wouldn't work, what MIGHT work? What kind of get-together would be enjoyable?



leejosepho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,011
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock

26 Jan 2011, 7:43 am

schleppenheimer wrote:
- do you all have friends that ... also feel like outsiders?

I have two.

schleppenheimer wrote:
- is part of the problem of feeling like an outsider this: that it just doesn't occur to you to initiate an activity such as going to a movie, or out to dinner, with friends?

No, it is simply that my friends and I are different.

schleppenheimer wrote:
I'm just trying to understand the "outsider" feeling that is common.

Sometimes it is like having arrived late and missed all the introductions and instructions (orientation).

schleppenheimer wrote:
b) having a party would be inviting noise and chaos over to your house

Yes.

schleppenheimer wrote:
c) it wouldn't necessarily be fun because maybe you don't share an interest in football ...

Yes.

schleppenheimer wrote:
So if the above scenario wouldn't work, what MIGHT work? What kind of get-together would be enjoyable?

One that is somehow actually useful or productive.


_________________
I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================


Sam2001
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 5 Aug 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 222

26 Jan 2011, 7:53 am

I don't even have friends



b9
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,003
Location: australia

26 Jan 2011, 7:58 am

Quote:
Disconnected from the world?


no i am not disconnected from the world.

in order to be disconnected, you have to have been once connected, and i was never connected so i can not feel disconnected.


i live in the world that i see, and that world is the world that my brain shows me.

i can only live inside my brain, and what i see is what is applicable only to me.

other people go about their lives and feel the emotions they feel, but i do not need anyone else to exist in order to see what i see.

they experience their lot in their life, and i experience my lot in my life, and the space that lies between my consciousness and anyone else's consciousness is empty.

there is no ethereal "matter" that is capable of providing a conduit from the sparks in my brain that i experience to the sparks in anyone else's brain that they experience.

i am isolated in my own world of experience, and i will die one day and i know that the world will continue to operate in the same manner as it always has after i am gone.

trucks will still rumble down the road, and birds will continue to chirp, and clouds will continue to sail on overhead, and waves will continue to break on the beaches in the same way, unaltered by my absence after i am dead.

i have some time to see and smell and taste life, but it all happens a blink of the eye of eternity.

i just sit here and watch what i see from my perspective until my perspective is snuffed out by time.



Tempus
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 10

26 Jan 2011, 8:02 am

Yeah we're talking about a disconnect with others which is inherent in us. The connectedness that NTs have and take for granted just doesn't exist for many of us.

That's why I never played with other kids much as a child, the disconnect comes first and it influences my behaviour.

Dealing with others is a drain in many ways. I have to be on my toes as they try to engage me in conversation. If I relax, I'm not gonna be able to keep up. It takes great effort and fast dancing to keep the plates spinning to use a mixed metaphor.

So, chatting and hanging out with others isn't something I'm going to do to relax. It's stressful. Why would I seek that experience out?

Now, there's plenty of things I like to do which require social interaction and I don't avoid it all the time, but solitude and familiarity is something I need if I'm to gather my thoughts. To completely relax.



b9
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,003
Location: australia

26 Jan 2011, 8:08 am

i am grateful that i popped into existence for a short time.
i feel sorry for those who were never born.



R_odin
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 4 Sep 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 87

26 Jan 2011, 9:20 am

Ha, i always felt this way, like an outside alien observer of a pathetic and stupid human race. Always the 5th wheel; school, birthday parties, social events, you name it.

But i'm glad i found the cause of it, everything makes sense now.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,597

26 Jan 2011, 10:07 am

Yes it's the "glass wall effect." It still bothers me after all these years. Disappears when I'm in a relationship that I consider to be good. Also disappeared for a year or two while I was living among a very friendly and non-judgemental group of people. The feeling of disconnection with the rest of the world remained, but I felt connected with the partners and friends concerned....most of my partners were detached from the mainstream themselves, to some extent, and the friends were quite nonconformist. What seems to happen is that I see the "chosen few" (or one) as pretty much the ONLY people on the planet, and the rest just don't figure in my life. So when I feel I have enough love from my small circle of chums, I don't notice the glass wall, because I don't notice the people on the other side of it, or if I do, I fell they're nothing to do with me. I'm sure a lot of them are OK really, otherwise I'd never be able to make a new friend.