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raisedbyignorance
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26 Jan 2011, 4:03 pm

I can't even go out in public anymore without people getting on me for not smiling. Everywhere I go people must either point out that I'm too sad or they tease me and say "smile". It's not my fault but don't expect these NT morons to grasp that idea.

Yesterday I had a job interview and I was smiling as much as I could, at least I thought I was. Guess what? It wasn't enough for the stupid manager of the place that was hiring because he had to make that stupid "can I see a smile?" joke. I hate this. I'm either too quiet or not smiling enough. But instead of NTs being professional and courteous about it...they have to make stupid jokes to point this out to me.

Is this lacking ability to smile naturally really part of my asperger's/autism? Because I'm starting to think that maybe it's being caused by some other condition I may never heard. Don't expect my family to give two s**ts about it tough. They think any condition or syndrome I have is BS anyway.



Komnenos
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26 Jan 2011, 4:12 pm

I do that too. I rarely use facial gestures nor do I smile very much. People will often make fun of it.



Xeno
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26 Jan 2011, 4:20 pm

God, I've always hated that so much. And yes, this sort of thing is common for aspies. There are times when I've been pushed to the point of responding with "PAY ME AND I'LL CONSIDER SMILING!" Usually that shuts people the hell up.



Yensid
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26 Jan 2011, 4:24 pm

I don't smile much either. It's not because I can't smile or because I have trouble smiling, because under the right conditions I smile a lot. I think that I look like a grinning idiot.

What I think it is for me is that my face shows what I'm feeling. If I'm feeling uncomfortable, then my face shows it. I'm very poor at hiding my feelings, other than showing a blank face to hide it when I'm feeling bad.

I think that with NTs, there is more of a tendency to try to appear happy, even if they are not feeling it. It's just a social lie. They do it constantly, though, so it just comes naturally for them.



vileseagulls
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26 Jan 2011, 4:28 pm

Yeah, I always think I'm being expressive until I get told people can't read me.

Try: opening your mouth when you smile, making sure your eyes crinkle a bit (the difference between fake and sincere to an nt), show a bit of your top teeth.

The eye crinkling is the main thing. You can do it without the smile too, people think it looks warm.



raisedbyignorance
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26 Jan 2011, 4:31 pm

vileseagulls wrote:
Yeah, I always think I'm being expressive until I get told people can't read me.

Try: opening your mouth when you smile, making sure your eyes crinkle a bit (the difference between fake and sincere to an nt), show a bit of your top teeth.

The eye crinkling is the main thing. You can do it without the smile too, people think it looks warm.


Eye crinkling is strenuous for me and because I am half-asian, my eyes are already alot less open so this is basically hell in a handbasket for me.



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26 Jan 2011, 4:36 pm

Limited facial expressions is all part of having Asperger's.

I've gotten "Why don't you ever smile?" ever since I can remember. I've also had people take gifts back thinking I hated it because I didn't show the appropriate amount of joy to please them.

I've resigned myself to the fact that NT people outnumber us and they just won't ever get it. So, I do by best to show emotions in ways that will allow them to know how I'm feeling without having to tell them. I really can't talk about my feelings... even with my husband.


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vileseagulls
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26 Jan 2011, 4:39 pm

raisedbyignorance wrote:
vileseagulls wrote:
Yeah, I always think I'm being expressive until I get told people can't read me.

Try: opening your mouth when you smile, making sure your eyes crinkle a bit (the difference between fake and sincere to an nt), show a bit of your top teeth.

The eye crinkling is the main thing. You can do it without the smile too, people think it looks warm.


Eye crinkling is strenuous for me and because I am half-asian, my eyes are already alot less open so this is basically hell in a handbasket for me.


Ah, apologies. I shouldn't generalise from my own experience as much as I do. :)

Work on making sure you open your mouth when you smile?



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26 Jan 2011, 6:00 pm

People give me a hard time for not smiling as well. They say, "You seem so sad. Why don't you ever smile?"

My mum gave me a really hard time about it when I was first diagnosed with Depression. "The darling, unworldly Mick Avory with hands like shovels, who wouldn't dare choose to hurt a soul...you came pretty close to Mick Avory, CockneyRebel...you came pretty close to Mick Avory." It was that comment that knocked me of my rocker. It lead to the Austin Powers glasses and blue clothing in 2000 and eventually to the spiked hair after I've had someone burn his bridge with me in 2007. I've made peace with myself and all of that, and became the person that you know me as today in the present and for years to come. That's a good thing. :)


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syrella
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26 Jan 2011, 6:37 pm

My facial expressions get misread a lot and people often think I'm angry, stressed, or depressed. Most of the time, I'm just lost in thought and I assumed that I looked "neutral" or contemplative.

I've also been told that I have "cartoon" expressions. So I'm either deadpan serious or totally goofy looking.

My cartoon expressions may include things like a really big toothy grin, a sad "puppy" face, or super surprised. I think I picked these up from watching too many children's tv programs.



Technikilor
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26 Jan 2011, 6:46 pm

Obviously it's reasonable for aspies to dislike smiling - I don't do it very often myself since I still have anxiety and depression - but smiling is good for a variety of reasons, and it releases endorphins as well so learning how to smile without being uncomfortable is something you should aim towards.



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26 Jan 2011, 7:25 pm

I only smile if I actually happier than my normal state. And yes, I'll be sitting in the park, reading a book, and random people will walk up and tell me to smile. I will either ignore them or ask if they would ever do that to a man. This response would not work if I actually was a man. But it seems to get the idea across.

Weird, but isn't making personal comments in general considered rude? Especially to strangers?



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26 Jan 2011, 7:35 pm

It looks like we all pretty much get that. The problem is when I smile, I think I'm doing it correctly, but I end up looking like an utter creeper, so I just don't.



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26 Jan 2011, 7:41 pm

I just started a new job, and they're not used to my facial expressions. People will ask me if I'm scared or sad or mad. No. I always look like this... :?


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26 Jan 2011, 8:01 pm

I used to get "smile!" a lot when I wasn't in a particularly bad or negative mood. I smile more now, and occasionally do so inappropriately. It's always one excess or another.



Yensid
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26 Jan 2011, 8:04 pm

syrella wrote:
I've also been told that I have "cartoon" expressions. So I'm either deadpan serious or totally goofy looking.


I've been told that I have an unusually expressive face, whatever that means. It's odd enough that, I have been told, I stand out in a group. It's probably the same thing that you're describing.