Doing a social experiment this week

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I used to be very honest, sometimes brutally so, without putting any thought into it. It didn't occur to me to not give my honest opinion when someone asked for it. Eventually I learned about being tactful. Tact is a good thing, don't get me wrong - but I've gone too far in trying to protect people's feelings. I'm sick of withholding most of my opinions in case there's any chance someone would be hurt by them. And I don't want to be the kind of person who tells white lies (or not-so-white lies) or sugarcoats things.

So I'm doing an experiment where I don't lie, deceive, or misrepresent anything. I'm not going to smile if I don't feel like smiling. If someone asks for my honest opinion, I will give them my honest opinion even if it's critical. If someone invites me to a party I don't want to attend, I'll tell the truth instead of pretending I have homework. This week, honesty is going to come before tact. I believe tact and compassion are important, but I want to learn how to have these traits without going too far and sacrificing honesty and sincerity. I can't go back in time to when it never even occurred to me to misrepresent the truth, but I'm hoping that my honesty experiment will make me feel more comfortable expressing my opinions.

What are your thoughts on honesty and tact? Has anyone else made a conscious effort to be more honest?

wasn't that a movie with jim carrey? anyways most people can't handle the truth full-strength, it needs to be watered-down and sugared-up for them- me included.

Yes, and it is disastrous. There is a reason open honesty is too often misrepresented as abnormal.

If you are comfortable in what you are risking, then by all means, go ahead. But this is not an experiment that will yield data of usable value. It will only cause difficulty in the long run. And while you may view it as an experiment, others not asking to participate will be resentful of your action for far longer.

You can be tactful without lying.

Friend: Come to a party this weekend that I'm throwing!
You: Sorry, I'm not really not up to it to tell you the truth. Thanks for inviting me though.

Girl: Do you think I'm pretty.

Most girls really don't want an answer to this question. They want encouragement that someone out there will find them attractive, or at least some confirmation that they aren't absolutely hideous. I will generally only answer these questions if I can be convinced they actually want an honest answer. I generally just take issue with them fishing for compliments and tell them to stop doing so and leave me alone.

I actually think very few people are completely ugly, or ugly beyond help, and the ones I do think are ugly, generally know they are, and so generally don't ask these questions.

Most of the time I'll just reply to these questions with "Average" which is usually what I think. If I have an opinion on how they can improve their looks, I'll tell them.

The issue with telling someone they are ugly, isn't usually revealing that you think they aren't good looking, but in the delivery. Such a straight forward delivery is generally perceived as smack in the face, something you don't do to friends, because she is not coming to you for an answer, but for emotional support, and you either ignored this or didn't realize it. Both reason will cause you social problems.

Sounds like fun, let us know what you find.

My thoughts are, there's ways of being honest, and ways of being honest.

I sense and impending trouble...

If in doubt it is best to be honest but you only need to state an honest opinion when one is needed. It is also not necessary to be mean.
Tact is trying to figure out how to make all of this work. White Lies are lies. You don't need to offer a critical opinion unless it is asked of you, even then you can let them know that they don't REALLY want your opinion.
For example:

Lie: I don't want to attend your party because I have homework.
Truth: I don't want to attend your party because your parties suck.

Tact: I don't want to attend your party (a follow up reason should not be given)

I have opinions about your self-esteem based on your post, but I will keep those to myself--that right there is tact.

I support you but know what it will yield. Friends will resent what you say, especially if it's something personal. I asked someone I know his school options, he told me and I pointed out it was what his Dad wanted. He said "What if it's what I want too" so I pointed out that his what if proved it was in fact, not what he wanted. He got really annoyed at me for that. But although the truth hurts I think it's better. I lie when I think it'll help me but more often than not you'll get the blunt, unpleasant, sometimes even harsh, truth from me. Friends hate it but respect it. As others have said tact can be important but more often than not honesty is better.