Can you do something gutsy?

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My oldest son is a late bloomer but he's bloomed and likes girls. Unfortunately, his negligence of them has been replaced with terror. My oldest isn't an aspie, but he deals with Social Anxiety that can paralyze him in a social situation. He physically can't make words come out of his mouth. He has a counselor, his GP is awesome, and then his step-dad and the men in our church have all stepped up as mentors. He's got some support from good men to help him along.

Anyway... girls...

He's been seeking out advice on how to get a girl's attention. He says there's no specific girl right now (and who knows if that's true) but that he's been thinking about getting attention and how to break that ice. My husband suggested that he do something gutsy instead of relying solely on saying an opening line. "Well," he asked, "What's gutsy?"

This struck me as very interesting.

What is a gutsy thing to do to get a girl's attention?

I remember being at a gas station when I was a young legal assistant in a short skirt and long jacket and a guy began pumping my gas for me. I could tell he was interested in me but he kept it very nice. I gave him my number (my real number) and we went out a few times. It didn't work out but who knows, it could have. He wouldn't have gotten anywhere with me at all if he hadn't done something that gutsy.

I've got a number of these stories. Sometimes it lead to a date, sometimes it didn't. But I remember these men and I appreciate the guts it took to do something a little extraordinary just to get my attention. Nothing dumb or dangerous, mind you. And I keep a better memory of them than I do the guy who interrupted me while I was looking in my dayplanner to ask, "Are you looking for me in there?"

For those of you who can't think of a good opening line, what gutsy thing do you think you could do to get a girl's attention? If have done a gutsy thing, what was it and how did she respond?

I think you neglected to mention what the gas station attendant did that was so gutsy?

LOL I'm not so old that my younger years pre-dated Self-serve pumps!

It was the Mobil on the Northeast corner of Springsguth and Schaumburg Roads in Schaumburg, Illinois. June 2000. He was a web-designer named Jim.

Ohh, I get it! He was a web designer moonlighting as a pump attendant.

I think if I did that I'd probably get tasered.

I'm not really a very gutsy guy so I can't really contribute positively to your thread. I will read it for ideas though.

I think people underestimate what they can do with a friendly demeanor and a nice smile.

I've never done anything like that. I'd rather not draw the attention to myself. I've never really asked a girl out, they either notice me and like me or they don't.

Wellll hyperbole, the cupcake thing would be considered gutsy. (do it)

Wefunction, how old is your son? Some suggestions might be more age appropriate than others.

I've tried, but it's not easy to get a positive response. You really have to look like the type of guy the girl might be interested in and be smooth. Otherwise, it looks pushy and creepy.

Have you ever had a guy you wouldn't be interested in be gusty with you? How did it make you feel?

Yes, but I'm not the type of person who curls up in the fetal position if someone "ugly" talks to me. I try to be friendly. I mean, when EVERYONE talking to you makes you uncomfortable because of social anxiety, it's hard to pick just a few people to claim they're at fault for causing that feeling. I have to keep everyone on an even playing field, so to speak, until they do something unreasonable. In this situation, unreasonable would be refusing to accept the decline to continue the conversation. Anyone who becomes unreasonable makes me feel in danger and I remove myself from the situation as quickly as possible.

Okay... I can use something else that happened to me:

I was geocaching in a park when a guy came up behind me. This was a secluded section of the park... a perfect place to hide a geocache. It's also the perfect place to sexually assault a woman without anyone hearing or seeing. He started sexually harassing me and wouldn't let me get away. He basically had me cornered. I was really very concerned for my safety. Thankfully, my husband happened to beep me at that moment on my phone. We had Sprint back then with the Direct Connect (walkie talkie) feature. So when his voice piped over the speaker, the guy promptly turned and ran away. I rarely geocache alone and carry a mace baton now, by the way.

Anyway, this situation could have been much different if he had, from a safe distance, gotten my attention with a polite "Hello." and then asked what I was doing, listening to the answer. Then he could ask more about geocaching (it gets any geocacher talking) and then asked if he could help me look. If I was single, that could have been a properly gutsy thing to have done that would have opened the door. BUT, if I had lied about what I was doing (sometimes geocachers will do that, too) or declined the offer of help, the guy has to say, "Okay. Good luck! Bye!" and walk away.

Does that give a good distinction between the two?

As an Aspie, I kid you not when I say I used to have the same thing. I'm not sure if this will work for him the way it did for me, but I found the the fear of such things stems from inside the mind, possibly linked to an event that he may or may not have told you about.

Well anyway, I managed to not exactly get over, but fight the fear of the opposite sex by just thrusting myself into any situation involving direct contact with a female participant. When I got too comfortable with the situation, I searched for a similar uncomfortable situation.

I like to see it as "chasing my fear out of existence."

in my setting alone I found it quite surprising that some of the girls I talked to took to me to just say hi.

That's great advice! I will definitely pass that on to him as coming from someone who went through the same exact thing. Thank you!

Thank you

Wouldn't call this gusty. This is a steady progression. Now, asking from the beginning "need help finding something?" is more like it. It shows confidence to be able to cut thru all the formalities to the point of acceptance or rejection.

When I think of the term, I picture the guy who catches glances with a girl from across the room, approaches her, takes her hand, and whisks her off to the dance floor. As direct and powerful as a gust of wind.

I don't think I have thought of a man whisking me off to a dance floor since I was twelve. I'd rather know somebody before they touch me. That being said, you're right that my example could be "gutsy"-ed up a bit. I don't claim to be the leading authority on how men should whisk women off their feet. I just know for sure that it shouldn't involve literally picking them up off the ground. I'm often caught off-guard by a man's overtures and can be very dense to someone hitting on me. But I know there's some credibility to the advice that if you're too nervous to come up with a good opening line, a gutsy move could break the ice.

What other things do you think would be gutsy?

Funny you mention the gas pump thing. An ex-gf told me about a time a guy did the very same thing with her. Just said hi and started pumping her gas as naturally as taking a breath. Such confidence and comfort is contageous.

I'm not quite as good. I have to do it under the barrier of a common activity. Like asking a girl if she wants to sing karaoke with me. Or, like my example, I've gotten many girls to dance with me with little words.

Wouldn't recommend doing this stuff as a substitute for weak social skills though. Seeing someone in action that really knows how makes it look deceptively easy. It's all about comfort and living in the moment. When you push past formalities, you're setting the bar really high and are expected to lead. The ice may get broken with a sudden act, but if you return to being nervous and struggle holding a conversation, it'll freeze up solid.

Might've been the same guy. Who knows. Maybe that's his thing. Goes around the country picking up chicks by pumping their gas for them.