Hitting the brick wall of social anxiety

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I've struggled with social anxiety since I was a kid. It's gotten worse since I was a teen and although it's gotten better the last few years, it's only gotten a little better and it still hits me real hard. It's not just the anxiety that gets to me but also the fact that it leaves me dependent on others and feeling helpless. I try everything like positive thinking, trying to calm myself down, trying not to get distracted by my feelings and focusing on what's going on atm, simply putting more effort in what I need to do, breathing slower, not giving a s**t, taking it one step at a time, etc but nothing seems to help much.

I know for a fact that it doesn't get better overnight and that it takes a lot of time and effort, but whenever I hit a brick wall it makes me feel helpless cuz the fact that I dunno what to do next and run out of ideas is what keeps me trapped. It makes me feel like I'm surviving rather than thriving.

Has anyone overcome social anxiety or at least has gotten a lot better at it? If so, what exactly are the things that have helped you? I've really been preoccupied with it and I'd really like to go back to just living my life. btw I'm not really looking for any comfort or sympathy, it is hell to deal with but I just wanna get back on my feet and be the best I can be.

I've found that not looking at people's faces seems to help.

I look towards the ground at about a 45 degree angle.

Your listening/auditory skills will get better as well.

I don't look down at the ground and I don't have problems making eye contact I'm just really self conscious. I'm not going for avoidance either, I'm just looking for advice that helps me face it head on more since I'm already facing my fears day to day. The thing that sucks the most is that I either hit a brick wall or f**k up once and feel like I'm at the point of no return.

I used to have severe social anxiety that has improved gradually sense I met my wife about 6 years ago. Having someone you can always fall back on helps. I'm very chatty these days but still very paranoid about what people think of me which I often assume is negative. I'm not sure I have any good advice, but giving up is the worst thing you can do. It might help to have a drink or two in social situations to help you loose a bit of inhibition, but drinking too much will make it worse. Therapy can be very positive.

I believe my social anxiety is the cause of my high blood pressure. Because of my severe high blood pressure I have an enlarged heart, 80% kidney function, and suffer fron congestive heart failure in short I am all messed up because of it.

Yeah true giving up is what'll keep me stagnant. I get wasted every time I drink but I drink on weekends so I can't really use that as a crutch on a daily basis. I wouldn't do it anyways cuz it would make things worse. Anyways I'm not really looking for silver bullets so I appreciate the post. The thing I'm aiming for though is not have to lean on anyone to stand on my own two feet. I'm a very self-sufficient type of person and I'm also paranoid about the fact that leaning on someone can be used against me. I definitely notice I get better every few months but it still hits me hard and it sucks to have to ride out the storm everyday but I gotta do what I gotta do.

@ Todesking: Shiiitt man that's f****d up. I've never heard of anything about social anxiety causing high blood pressure so you should probably get a doctor to check you for a link. IIRC high blood pressure is mostly genetic.

Hey Ace,
I've also suffered from social anxiety for my entire life. In the past few years it's gotten better for me, partially because of a good relationship, but a few other factors as well. You seem like a good guy from your posts, so you have that going for you. I used to be very self-conscious and worried about what people thought about me. Eventually I realized that considering I was invited to places people had to have wanted me around sometimes, so I started to lose my anxiety in those situations. Another thing that helps me is I am more comfortable with myself due to better self-awareness then I used to have. I am more aware that I never purposely cause people harm, don't manipulate people, provide positive input to my friends and family (generally lol). So I feel a bit more confident because I don't worry too much of what people think of me anymore, because if they do have a negative opinion of me, it is likely not based in fact. I haven't gotten to be a social butterfly or anything because of my attitude change, but I feel a lot better just being a quiet, laconic, slightly awkward guy. So that is how I sort of manage anxiety without using an 'outside crutch' so to speak. I still have anxiety but I am not so much controlled by it anymore. I also used to drink A LOT and it didn't end up helping me, it took me a long time to be able to build myself into a 'character' and when I got really wasted I lost a lot of what made me appealing to some people when I was sober, at least that is what I believe now. I think the quote goes something like 'Character is easier to hold on to then to regain' so I basically quit drinking altogether. Anyways I hope my experience is useful to you

Mine reduced a lot after I started meditating regularly. There's some studies suggest that meditation positively reduces amygdala response, which is, I believe, the key brain component for anxiety, and it's also related to socialisation, strangely.

I would definitely stick with all the above stuff you were doing, maybe you've not hit the habit phase with any of them so far. With me, half the battle is remembering to breathe easy, relax body, talk myself down, etc. etc.

Knowing that your responses to social situations are over the top might help.

There's an interesting bit about the amygdala, monkeys and autism on this page:

http://biopsychiatry.com/amygdala.htm

Yeah oddly when I gain insight into myself, it makes me less self conscious. It sounds paradoxical, but I think it's cuz self consciousness fools you into thinking you know more about yourself than you really do which is why you're so sure that all the negative thoughts going on in your head must be true. It's not just bias, but it's mainly the fact that self-consciousness makes you more aware about yourself than normal so you tend to overestimate the level of awareness.

That's one insight that occurred to me today. I dunno, I'm not really an academic type of dude but I am real passionate about introspection so I come up with all these trippy theories lol.

Anyways, the experience you shared definitely helped and I really like the quote cuz I do believe that inertia shouldn't just be a law of physics but also a law of psychology. Based on the responses here it seems like relationships alleviate a lot of the tension. I should definitely talk to chicks more often.

@ Moog: It actually makes a lot of sense that anxiety is relevant to social dynamics. Guilt is a social emotion which is associated with fear, so if you think about it guilt and fear are very productive to coexisting with other human beings. You feel fear so that you keep yourself alive for the group, and you feel guilt so that you don't harm the group.

And you're right about the habit thing. It reminded me that every time I've overcome an obstacle in social anxiety, I was doing the same old s**t I've always been doing but it either became a habit or I found a way to apply it rather than just having it linger around in my head. Ir's pretty interesting that the circuits are important and not just the structure cuz a lot of the things I've read always talk about the structure and size of the amygdala.

I'm definitely gonna get around to meditating. Thanks for the responses guys they definitely help make the storm easier to ride out.

I haven't overcome it, but mine has drastically improved. It's taken over a year of weekly CBT (so far). Meditation. Yoga. Having some kind of understanding support group who accepted me for me was a big help. I used something called Rescue Remedy. When things were bad, it would put a dent in it. I focused on things that I was good at & made me happy to build my overall confidence up. Good luck to you. Anxiety is a terrible beast to battle.

Well you certainly can't just lean on anyone, but if you find somebody dependable I personally thinks its rather important.

My high blood pressure did not go up until I started working at a resteraunt all the torment I had to endure caused stress which leads to high blood pressure. I am so wound up when I am around people my blood pressure would spike causing me to get light headed. Ever since I have been out of work and away from people I nolonger have headaches, dizzyness, and the sweats. My blood pressure medicine has also been reduced since pressure doesn't spike on and off like it did when I worked in the machine shop.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anxiety/AN01086

Right after I first got out of the hospital it took two months for me to recover and the doctors to get my blood pressure to go down. It took several combinations of drugs to get it to stay down to exceptable levels. When I went back to work I told my doctor my blood pressure was back up again so both of the heart doctors who were working on me were puzzled so they had me bring in my medicine to show them how I was taking them making sure I was taking them in the right combination. They just rolled their eyes and finally they found a combination of pills that could keep my pressure down at home and work.

I'm sorry that this is off-topic but really "over a year of weekly CBT (so far)" Am I reading that correctly, as in 52 times (or so)? When I've had CBT in the past it has never been more than 8 sessions (or so).

I have chronic PTSD that was never dealt with. Because of the complexity of my past, my therapy will last about 2 years in total to overcome Panic, Social, and PTSD issues. We've come a long way so far.

Ugghhh goddamnit this s**ts been torturing me lately and it doesn't seem to get any better. It's weird cuz whenever I have that feeling occur to me it seems like reason isn't enough. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to that feeling you get when you feel like it's never gonna get better.

The worst part about social anxiety is the confusion not the pain. I've been through all kinds of pain but this is in a world of its own. The world feels so strange and unfamiliar cuz of this. Trust me I've tried everything and it still doesn't seem to do much. It makes me think struggling socially is the most painful out of all types of struggles since you lack the support of others and it's painfully obvious.

I have some other issues on top of that. I don't really have a clear sense of who I am and I am generally very uncertain about everything in general. Like it's weird, even making the simplest decisions is hard. Every decision I make seems like a question of "Is this what I would do?". I dunno how to explain this but the world seems so unfamiliar and strange so it's hard to be certain about anything. I don't trust my own instincts and I am very paranoid about it. I guess it boils down to somehow being unable to make sense outta this strange world.

I'm also very moody but it's weird cuz I never really have a good or a bad day. I usually go through a few hours of being pissed, a few hours of anxiety (like the slightest thing sets this off), and maybe a few hours of being happy.

Sometimes I feel overly attached to the world, other times it feels like this world is "dead". Like this weird sense of numbness.

@ abaisse: That's horrible, I definitely hope you can hold on to the strength to overcome it.

Last edited by AceOfSpades on 24 Feb 2011, 11:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.