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So I think my future just broke my heart.

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evil_eyes
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19 Feb 2011, 12:33 am

My life is a mess, but I don't really want to go so much into that.

Basically I hate how I am here, I want a lifestyle change so, so much.

So when the possibility of going to college in another country came up, I was over the moon. Over the goddamn mood. For weeks it was hard to think of much else. I mean, if I could get away from where I live, away from my sibling and everything that reminds me of what a failure I am, then I maybe, just maybe I have a small chance to redeem some of myself. Maybe, just maybe I can have a life that I don't hate every second.

And, idk, it became such a great hope and I knew that it wasn't going to be perfect, I wasn't suddenly going to be a fun person, but I thought maybe I would at least have the chance to try. I want to start over.

It didn't occur to me, stupid person that I am, that my parents aren't likely to afford it. They only brought it up as a possibility, and I went with it in my mind all the way. Got too carried away in imagining it, in the thought of having a fresh start.

Turns out it's very likely that I'll be spending my whole life in here, with my parents who didn't let me grow up soon enough and my sibling who brings me down and all the reminders of how I'm never going to make it on my own. I cried because I wanted it so much and for the first time I envisioned a life where I'm actually able to recover some of my stupid, horrible, fractured personality. First time I thought I had even the smallest chance. It hurts, it hurts so freaking much I don't know what to think anymore because I can't stand it. I wanted it so much.



mightypen515
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19 Feb 2011, 12:56 am

I am sorry. :hug: :hug: :hug:



evil_eyes
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19 Feb 2011, 1:01 am

mightypen515 wrote:
I am sorry. :hug: :hug: :hug:


Thanks. I'm trying to get over it, but it's hard. It's like I lost something even though I never actually had it in the first place. :(



countzarroff
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20 Feb 2011, 5:06 am

evil_eyes wrote:
My life is a mess, but I don't really want to go so much into that.

Basically I hate how I am here, I want a lifestyle change so, so much.

So when the possibility of going to college in another country came up, I was over the moon. Over the goddamn mood. For weeks it was hard to think of much else. I mean, if I could get away from where I live, away from my sibling and everything that reminds me of what a failure I am, then I maybe, just maybe I have a small chance to redeem some of myself. Maybe, just maybe I can have a life that I don't hate every second.

And, idk, it became such a great hope and I knew that it wasn't going to be perfect, I wasn't suddenly going to be a fun person, but I thought maybe I would at least have the chance to try. I want to start over.

It didn't occur to me, stupid person that I am, that my parents aren't likely to afford it. They only brought it up as a possibility, and I went with it in my mind all the way. Got too carried away in imagining it, in the thought of having a fresh start.

Turns out it's very likely that I'll be spending my whole life in here, with my parents who didn't let me grow up soon enough and my sibling who brings me down and all the reminders of how I'm never going to make it on my own. I cried because I wanted it so much and for the first time I envisioned a life where I'm actually able to recover some of my stupid, horrible, fractured personality. First time I thought I had even the smallest chance. It hurts, it hurts so freaking much I don't know what to think anymore because I can't stand it. I wanted it so much.


Oh dude I know what you mean about the study abroad thing. I am so bummed. I thought I was going to go to England and get away from this crappy country for a while. But then my funds were cut. Apparently because trickle down economics works so well in bringing in American jobs, the person who would be funding that trip got laid off so some guy in China could have his job.

At least in Europe I could get an inhaler if I needed one. Here I gotta pay 25 bucks. If I'm short on cash, I have to go the night having trouble breathing. (Are you getting all this... Senators of The G.O.P.? I CAN'T BREATHE AT NIGHT BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE LETTING ALL THE JOBS GO TO CHINA! I HAVE TROUBLE BREATHING BECAUSE YOU GUYS THINK THAT ME BUYING AN INHALER IS LIKE ME BUYING A MOVIE TICKET! I AM NOT BUYING IT BECAUSE IT IS FUN! I AM BUYING IT BECAUSE I COULD CHOKE ON MY OWN BREATH IF I DON'T HAVE IT! ARE YOU ALL PROUD!! ARE YOU ALL PROUD?!")
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles my friend. Thanks for also letting me blow off some steam.



Subotai
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20 Feb 2011, 5:35 pm

evil_eyes wrote:
My life is a mess, but I don't really want to go so much into that.

Basically I hate how I am here, I want a lifestyle change so, so much.

So when the possibility of going to college in another country came up, I was over the moon. Over the goddamn mood. For weeks it was hard to think of much else. I mean, if I could get away from where I live, away from my sibling and everything that reminds me of what a failure I am, then I maybe, just maybe I have a small chance to redeem some of myself. Maybe, just maybe I can have a life that I don't hate every second.

And, idk, it became such a great hope and I knew that it wasn't going to be perfect, I wasn't suddenly going to be a fun person, but I thought maybe I would at least have the chance to try. I want to start over.

It didn't occur to me, stupid person that I am, that my parents aren't likely to afford it. They only brought it up as a possibility, and I went with it in my mind all the way. Got too carried away in imagining it, in the thought of having a fresh start.

Turns out it's very likely that I'll be spending my whole life in here, with my parents who didn't let me grow up soon enough and my sibling who brings me down and all the reminders of how I'm never going to make it on my own. I cried because I wanted it so much and for the first time I envisioned a life where I'm actually able to recover some of my stupid, horrible, fractured personality. First time I thought I had even the smallest chance. It hurts, it hurts so freaking much I don't know what to think anymore because I can't stand it. I wanted it so much.


Google working holiday visa



evil_eyes
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23 Feb 2011, 9:38 am

Subotai wrote:
evil_eyes wrote:
My life is a mess, but I don't really want to go so much into that.

Basically I hate how I am here, I want a lifestyle change so, so much.

So when the possibility of going to college in another country came up, I was over the moon. Over the goddamn mood. For weeks it was hard to think of much else. I mean, if I could get away from where I live, away from my sibling and everything that reminds me of what a failure I am, then I maybe, just maybe I have a small chance to redeem some of myself. Maybe, just maybe I can have a life that I don't hate every second.

And, idk, it became such a great hope and I knew that it wasn't going to be perfect, I wasn't suddenly going to be a fun person, but I thought maybe I would at least have the chance to try. I want to start over.

It didn't occur to me, stupid person that I am, that my parents aren't likely to afford it. They only brought it up as a possibility, and I went with it in my mind all the way. Got too carried away in imagining it, in the thought of having a fresh start.

Turns out it's very likely that I'll be spending my whole life in here, with my parents who didn't let me grow up soon enough and my sibling who brings me down and all the reminders of how I'm never going to make it on my own. I cried because I wanted it so much and for the first time I envisioned a life where I'm actually able to recover some of my stupid, horrible, fractured personality. First time I thought I had even the smallest chance. It hurts, it hurts so freaking much I don't know what to think anymore because I can't stand it. I wanted it so much.


Google working holiday visa


I have no idea why people like you think lines like these are witty. I actually find it boring and lame =P anyone want to explain the logic of this to me?



Lene
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23 Feb 2011, 10:03 am

evil_eyes wrote:
Subotai wrote:
Google working holiday visa


I have no idea why people like you think lines like these are witty. I actually find it boring and lame =P anyone want to explain the logic of this to me?


I thought it was quite good advice actually :? . You want to get out of the country; why not work abroad for a year? You can always delay college for a while.