Have you ever wrongly been accused of being mean?

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CaptainTrips222
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20 Feb 2011, 3:51 pm

I remember a number of times in high school when people would call me mean behind my back. I don't know if they were afraid of me, or if they just weren't very bright so they thought my shyness was cruelty, but I hated finding out about that. So unfair.

How bout you?



jmnixon95
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20 Feb 2011, 3:58 pm

Yes, and it happens quite often, but I'm more often called 'really intimidating'.

Sometimes I mean to be mean (pun intended), but sometimes I don't.
What really irritates me, though, is when people go around saying that people with AS never really mean to be rude or insulting... sometimes I do mean to insult someone. I don't want people thinking, 'Oh, poor sweetie, she cannot control what comes out of her mouth and she doesn't mean to be mean...' Sometimes I do! I can't speak for all of us, but I really hate when this happens.



dunbots
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20 Feb 2011, 4:00 pm

Now that I think about it, I was called mean or rude quite a few times, most likely because I was so cold emotionally. :P



john93
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20 Feb 2011, 6:13 pm

Yeah and 80% of the time I find the accuser to be hypocritical :roll:



Lecks
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20 Feb 2011, 6:30 pm

I found out quite early that silence and a lack of displays of interest can be considered mean.

I never cared, if they thought I was mean they'd stay away from me, which suited me just fine.



CaptainTrips222
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20 Feb 2011, 7:48 pm

john93 wrote:
Yeah and 80% of the time I find the accuser to be hypocritical :roll:


me too



unitedprayr
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20 Feb 2011, 8:41 pm

when I am having a meltdown people say that I am manipulative and rude then they walk out of my life.



MCalavera
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21 Feb 2011, 4:08 am

I've been called mean, but doubt it was false accusation in my case. I personally deserve the label.



astaut
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21 Feb 2011, 1:48 pm

I've been called mean to my face and behind my back. Also rude, a b***h, etc.


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Dantac
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21 Feb 2011, 2:17 pm

It happens.

At work ive been told by my supervisor that some people were not comfortable with me... meaning they were speaking about me at lunch hour (when im not there).

Thing is, since I do not do small talk with them while at work or outside (off work, break hours,etc) they don't realize that if i'm asked a question or asked to do something, it WILL get done and it will be answered honestly and directly.

So yes, when one of them comes to me with an issue that their dept. or someone else caused and its on this other person's lap now and I help them.. I go back to the source of the problem, plug that leak (which usually means talking to the person who caused it in the first place) then follow the blood trail of how the problem got passed to several people who gave it a 5 minute attention/attempt that equates to putting a band aid on an open chest wound... fix THAT and finally come back to the mess that the problem is now and nail the coffin shut.

... in the process apparently pissing everybody off because it makes them look bad. i don't point fingers or blame them for anything ...but in my report to my supervisor I have to log how the problem was fixed... so i'm 'mean' because I dont cover up their mistakes.

on the bright side.. I do feel guilty of feeling this tiny morbid pleasure hovering in the back of my mind... knowing that when i'm walking through the floor people's neck cringe thinking im coming to speak to them. :twisted:



League_Girl
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21 Feb 2011, 5:24 pm

Yes and I just ignore it. Some people think telling them things they don't wanna hear is mean or venting or my jokes, etc. Even as a kid me having accidents on the monkey bars made me mean or me telling my friend four eyes to be funny was mean. I only called her four eyes just that one time, one time. Then months later kids were talking about it saying how mean I am. Gee I wonder what made them bring it up all of a sudden?


I have also been seen as rude because of my anxiety and been called mean because of my honesty.



zee
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21 Feb 2011, 5:29 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
john93 wrote:
Yeah and 80% of the time I find the accuser to be hypocritical :roll:


me too


Only 80%?? It's called "projection"--when other people accuse you of being mean, rude, retarded, etc., they are just trying to feel better about themselves.



Idiotchief
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21 Feb 2011, 7:06 pm

Everyday. Gotta love the insecure teenage mentality.


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asdmonger
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21 Feb 2011, 7:48 pm

Have I ever. One girl I worked with said I was intimidating her and got me kicked off a project. I think I'm sort of a blank slate that people can project their feelings onto. Most of the time that works well for me, most people grossly overestimate my normalcy. Sometimes, my lack of expression and inability to impart emotional inflection into my speech is interpreted as aloofness and/or hostility.

I think there are times(possibly with the girl I mentioned) where subtle friendly gestures go over my head and then people think I've somehow rejected them and they can get hostile about it. I think Spock said something like "I don't mean to be insensitive, it's just how I am". In the real world there can be repercussions.


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CaptainTrips222
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21 Feb 2011, 11:42 pm

Idiotchief wrote:
Everyday. Gotta love the insecure teenage mentality.


Yeah, it was mostly in my mid and late teens I got that crap.



eddie82
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22 Feb 2011, 12:11 am

All the time. Because I am 6'4 and 220lbs I can sometimes come off as intimidating when in fact I am totally harmless. After getting to know people, they will sometimes admit that their first impression of me was that I was an as*hole or even snobby.