Help Needed for SIL's Wedding

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Hello Everybody,

I am happy and proud to say that I got married just over 6 months ago. And my Husband is a calm and understanding individual.

However, in the 10 months leading up to, and indeed on the day of the wedding, his two sisters repeatidly crossed my line, and I have now much hurt, anger and two rather large grudges to contend with.
Since the wedding I have not attended any family function (I used to attend and obviously just be a bit quiet), and when I attended a function that the older sister also attend (had I known, I wouldn't have gone), I found it put me in such a place I could not talk to Anybody and was like a little dog, unable to even look anywhere near her.

The parents have tried to talk to me about 'keeping the family' together and how I am only hurting myself by not attending family dinners etc. I have Never asked my Husband not to attend.

Anyway, to cut a long story even longer, the little sister wedding is fast approaching. And I am unsure how to handle the situation. I know I must attend, and have bought myself a nice red dress. But, being that flying into a blind, out of body experience, rage is not uncommon for me, I am a little scared about being around the sister and the family. I feel so Wronged by them. Rahhhhhh!! !! !! !! !!
I don't want to spoil the little sisters day. So does anyone have any helpful hints as to what I can do, being seated with family members I can't look at and spending the day trying not to wreak everything for everyone?
Husband is again very supportive, but doesn't really think he would mind if I smacked Either of his sisters.

Help....please........

Maybe you could work with a crisis therapist. Sometimes therapists will work with someone for two-three sessions to deal with a stressful event. He or she could give you some ideals of how to handle the moment with as little stress as possible. And you don't have to go back to the therapist after the wedding is over.

I give you credit for braving the situation. A lot of people wouldn't.

That's funny

It's the kind of think that would make the news "Angry women throws cake at Bride".

Thank you for your suggestion of a couple of councilling sessions. I have booked myself in to see my GP, but the waiting lists here are so long, my appointment for that is a week away. By the time I get a referral and make my way up the waiting list, the wedding may well have been and gone. But I will certainly try and press my point to the GP and get in sooner.

I did go online and buy the happy coulple a nice set of coasters as a wedding gift. That shows perhaps a smidge of progress.

Weddings are stressful for everyone - but not as stressful as for the bride. This is the way I feel about weddings: the couple gets what the couple wants, especially the bride since she did all the work, since it's supposed to be the best day of their lives and everybody else should keep their teeth together. If them hos won't apologize (and you don't have to tell anyone the details of what went on 6 months ago, because most can figure), and your husband's none the worse for wear, I say, stay home and enjoy your day by yourself or catch up with a friend or go see a movie. Girl go to the spa and get a massage or some reiki or some acupressure and a facial.
So you are only hurting yourself, and yet, THEY are the ones bringing it up. Interesting how whatever goes on with them translates into other people doing them wrong if they don't "keep the family together." Dang, and you just arrived! Keeping the family together means "eat s***." I would say hubby's family already had some problems long before you came along, if they see you, personally, not at one of their events as you either slighting them or ruining their event. You're the new bride, you just "got here" so to speak. They'd rather blame your non-appearances on you not wanting to do whatever they say it takes to "keep the family together" than own up to whatever happened before and during your wedding. How does you not being someplace split their family up or mess them up? It is wonderful you have your husband's support, but not much surprise if he grew up with them. He's already seen the worst of them!

Good luck to you, Kathiiy! You sound like you want it to work out with the succubuses-in-law. It can work out just fine, just be consistent about the consequences anytime they get out the line. A friend of mine cuts loose some WWIII anytime one of her in-laws (usually the brother-in-law) shakes his muddy paw on her carpet. Not that ever smacks him, she just shouts and talks it to death and when he tries to pass it off as a joke, she cuts him down. It's pretty funny to watch. You have to train in-laws. It's a Pavlov's thing.

BTW, I knew a woman who listened to her husband and her kids complain about the messy house and boring meals, until she stopped. She stopped doin' anything. Not one stitch o' clothing washed, pb&j and chips for dinner, spilled chocolate milk just stayed on the carpet. They broke in 16 days. It's been 3 years, and everybody's still picking up after themselves and doing their own laundry.

I don't really want to 'work it out' with them , unfortunately I am quite happy hating them and wishing them ill. But I realise that is not healthy, nor the 'right' thing to do. I really need to find a way to move on.
Recently I made a visit to one of the places we got our Amazing wedding photos done, and found that being their reminded me of the good bits of the way, it was very theraputic.

They just made me feel so unimportant and invisable.

Maybe I should just drug myself into a stupor, just for that one day.... Not that I have any drugs...