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My boyfriend's mom was kind of chewing me out the other day and telling me my family didn't care about me and that I'm "wicked" and "evil" and I "pretend to be disabled" (for the sake of accuracy, I do not feel disabled by my AS, nor do I claim to) and she said "DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID?" and I felt... really under pressure, and instantly said "Yes!" So that was turned into "Beth called mom stupid" throughout my boyfriend's entire family... I answered a question honestly, I didn't go out of my way to share that opinion. I regret answering honestly but it's what happened and I can't change it.

So fast forward to this morning, we're all in her car going to my attorney's office, and to my boyfriend's college, and before my boyfriend gets out of the car, she says she wants to say something to me in front of him. She demanded that I not respond or speak to her(I didn't exactly have any desire to do so.) and she effectively told me that I'm evil blah blah blah but she ended on a really delightful note... she said I should kill myself. I was kind of horrified by it. She found out recently she has a brain tumor and I want to say the behavior could be related to that, and I'm definitely being sensitive about it, but to have someone tell me I should kill myself?

I'm not perfect, I'm far from perfect, I'm an ass most of the time. I lie, I have meltdowns over seemingly nothing, I have poor recall of the meltdowns until a few weeks later, I avoid her, I avoid people, I don't have a job, I'm not sure when I'll go back to school, I sit around and do nothing, the only money I bring in is from cleaning houses and walking dogs, babysitting etc. I do drugs on occasion, I fight with my boyfriend probably once a week. I'm not a great person at all, and I do a lot of childish things and behave in ways most people see as immature... but... telling me to kill myself? Telling me my family doesn't give a s**t about me? Telling me I'm evil and wicked and a burden on everyone? I know, I know I am these things and I know I should probably off myself. I just don't know how the hell to react in this situation. My boyfriend apologized and he stood up for me when she said that s**t but he's really sensitive about the tumor and the possibility of losing his mom... I don't know. I have no idea why I'm posting this.

Can anyone relate? It's horrific that I answered yes to the "Am I stupid?" question, but it's just her blowing off steam when she tells me to kill myself. What the hell? And not to mention that without speaking to me at all, she insists I blame aspergers for the way I am... I'm totally fine with how I am. I don't feel the need to make excuses, if people don't like me, who cares? I just don't get the blatant attack tactic... what is she trying to accomplish?

ya are 23..even parents wont keep anyone in their house all their age so solution would be to get off drugs and rent your own place...im sure you can qualify ssdi or similar on your country so you can get money...good luck and hang in there

Honestly, you have enough going on that you don't need to bother with this boy and his insane family. I couldn't stay in a situation where my partner's parents hated me that much.

We have our own apartment. She doesn't pay for anything. She's got a brain tumor. I don't know what the hell I can do. I mean how heartless would it be to ask him to keep his mother away from where he lives while she's probably going to die soon? This situation is so f****d.

I knew someone that died of a brain tumor. One of the meanest men Ive ever known.

I wonder if the tumor is what is causing her to be so cruel. I've only known her for around a year. I can't imagine he'd adore her so much if she always said stuff like that to people.

I did, once. They were so nasty to me that I told my partner they were no longer welcome in our home, that if she wanted to go see them then that was fine, but I wasn't going with her. But their nastiness was more subtle than the OP's BF's mother. Her father would put the TV on and rant his right-wing views every time the news came on, and he'd dominate everything for the whole visit, and he'd put on this false kindly voice to obfuscate his true agenda, which was to marginalise and exclude me. Her mum would sit there saying "yes" to everything her dad said.....and she'd try to fix my partner up with blind dates behind my back. Some parents just can't accept their kids' choice of partner.....they were extremely overbearing and they'd broken her will a long time ago, so she never had the bottle to stand up to them, and I was out on a limb. I felt guilty about removing them from my life, but I don't think I should feel any obligation to share a room with people who hate me.

I know it's not a popular view with mainstreamers, but as far as I'm concerned a relationship between 2 people is simply that, and if one partner doesn't get on with a friend or relative of the other partner, I think the best thing is to just accept that and let them stay apart, without reproach or pressure to "make the effort." Especially for Aspies, who have to be careful who they hang out with.

The brain tumour makes this horrible behaviour more understandable - the lady's probably very scared, hurt and angry about it, and I don't suppose I'd be Mr. Lovely if it happened to me either, but if she carries on taking it out on people like that, she's going to die a very lonely woman. It doesn't seem to me that you and she can do each other any good, unless she has a change of heart, which might happen when she's had time to come to terms with her death sentence. I suppose it's just possible that the tumour itself is directly affecting her brain and causing the offensive behaviour, but even so, I don't see how it can do any good to listen to her remarks...she's clearly getting to you.

sorry a brain tumor still doesn't give you carte blanche to be a cruel heartless b***h. I don't walk around being an insensitive cold-hearted as*hole to everyone I meet because I have AS and "don't know any better".

Should you have answered the "Am I stupid" question honestly?

socially, probably not but I highly doubt that would have changed much in her attitude so it's really just water under the bridge at this point. If it's any consolation I would have answered honestly too, but then again anyone that has known me long enough to ask me a question like that knows I'm going to answer honestly. In case any stop being this woman's punching bag, either remove yourself from the situation and any further situations that require contact with her, if you think she actually capable of having a real conversation to workout whatever differences she has with you sit her down privately and try to talk it out and at least come to some agreeable understanding so you can tolerate each other in the close proximity or tell her to go jump off a cliff or stop being a b***h.

I would chose option 3 at this point but then again I don't take kindly to being told to kill myself... my personally choice isn't my recommendation for the situation though

That could could be the case. Brain tumours can cause personality changes. According to this link, those changes can be extreme and can involve outbursts of anger.


www.cancer.duke.edu/btc/modules/patient ... .php?id=40

You should ask your boyfriend if this has happened to her. If it has, it may help you to simply discount these terrible outbursts as the tumour talking, rather than her.

I've been dealing with someone similar lately. I'm Polyamorous (I'm in relationships with multiple people who know each other) and one of my relationships girlfriends thinks I use my AS as an excuse. I've had two breakdowns when she was around me because she hates me and pins blame for everything that goes wrong in her life on me. This means that she projects anger at me constantly and yells at me, which overwhelms me and can send me over the edge. Really, I just want her to like me, or at the very least tolerate me. I hate having these breakdowns and try to prevent them at any cost, but she doesn't seem to get that I'm not having them because I want attention but because she's hostile and it makes me nervous.

I really don't get how to explain my AS and issues to her without seeming like I'm complaining. My parents never gave me any slack and never let me think I'm disabled, so I don't think that way. She just terrifies me.

Actually, she does. She may not be able to help it.

For example, how do these statements strike you:

"Having AS doesn't give someone carte blanche to not be able to get everything accomplished in a day that a NT person can."
"Having a broken leg doesn't give someone carte blanche to use a crutch wherever they go."
"Having blindness doesn't give someone carte blanche to not see stuff."

I mean, things are the way that they are.

That being said, meems doesn't have to live this way and I think she should get out.

The only thing she can conceivably do is to stay in touch with the other family members and share how the mother is treating her in the context of the brain tumor being such a tragedy. For example: "You know she told me that I should kill myself the other day? These anger fits are so outrageous. It's heartbreaking what's happening to her." That takes a lot of communication and socializing to get people to realize all the trash talk the mother has been doing has only been symptomatic of the damage the tumor is doing to her brain. The boyfriend also has to help by saying things like, "I have no idea why mom has targeted [meems] with this anger. It's out of nowhere. She just makes up stuff and yells at her about it." Otherwise, after the mom dies, meems will be stuck with a semi-inlaw family full of people who will continue to dislike her for no earthly good reason.

Apparently she's been like this for decades. Or so I'm finding out. And the entire time he and I have been together she's treated me like s**t,(not that I really noticed until it was all pointed out to me) tried to convince him to leave me, made fun of me behind my back etc. But she's done that with every single girlfriend he's had. This is why he hardly had anything to do with her until just recently. I guess he's scared of the possibility of losing her and regretting not spending time with her. I've spent very little time in person with her and we don't talk when we're around each other, which is fine for me, but apparently it's her way of letting me know she dislikes me. I found that out today! Apparently I'm "ret*d" for not realizing she was being passive aggressive by not speaking to me when we encountered one another.

My former in-laws didn't like me. They never allowed themselves to know me. They just decided. It was never any outright insults or anything like meems is experiencing. It wasn't even what you went through TD. They would just exchange looks whenever I talked, never laugh at my jokes, and were constantly with the backhanded compliments ("Oh, I never thought of wearing those two colors together. That's interesting!") in a patronizing tone of voice. One time my former MIL was talking to me and an eyelash with mascara on it fell into my eye. I said, "I'm listening, but I've got to get this lash out of my eye. It's killing me." She finished what she had to say while I took out a mirror and saved my eye, I continued to respond in a friendly and engaged way, and then she went into the kitchen, thinking I couldn't hear her she said, "I just cannot stand her!"

After that, I promised myself that I wouldn't stay with anyone with a family that could be so mean to me.

My current in-laws loved me at first, then decided after I married my husband that they didn't like me. They never approved of any of his partners so I guess they realized they were behind on the angst because I was so darned likable. It was about five years of idiocy. They were always civil to me and were great with the kids, but they'd tell my husband that he should divorce me. I ended up banning them from my house and their grandchildren until they straightened up. My MIL has dementia now (and she remembers me as her daughter that she loves so I guess she really did like me in her heart) and my FIL has dropped the attitude, so that mess is done. I think it would've been very difficult to have stayed in my marriage if they were mean TO me. As it was, constantly having that negatively about his marriage created a lot of stress for my husband.

She knows she have brain tumor, she just might want to keep her son for herself. Maybe if you were just a friend of her son, she'd like you. Brain tumor as different effect on everybody, it just depends on where the tumor is. If it's in a region where it controls body movement, you might get trouble with your motor skills, if it's in a region which alter mood, she could be an all time b!tch. Brain tumor doesn't appear during night, it takes sometime before you can notice symptoms related to brain tumor, which means she had brain tumor before her first obvious symptom.