mangos wrote:
Sorry if this was already a post that I didn't see, but I saw quite a few mentions here and there of people on here who are asexual. I'm curious: how many of you identify as asexual? When did you first realize you were, or identify yourself as, asexual? Is asexuality more common in AS than in the general population? How do you feel that asexuality has impacted you?
I didn't realize I was asexual until I found the AVEN site:
http://www.asexuality.org/home/
I'd never experienced primary sexual attraction (looks-based),
but then I never had any friends, so I guess I didn't know most people are constantly talking/thinking about who is and is not attractive based on the size/shape/whatever of X body part.
I was still interested in the "mystery" of sex-
I thought it would be some pinnacle of physical/emotional bliss.
However,
from the very first time I hated everything about it-
though I still sought it out because I subconsciously thought being f*ckable meant I was somehow attractive
(I've always been fat)
but now I know that that's silly,
that many men will screw anything that moves.
I also had it in relationships ("duty sex"),
which basically consisted of me lying motionless or crying while someone f*cked me-
it really took a toll on me.
I tried to kill myself afterward once,
but usually I'd go in the bathroom and throw up,
or cut myself to deal with the emotional pain.
In terms of numbers (casual flings + relationships) most people would say I've been very promiscuous.
Finding AVEN was the first time I had a name for myself,
much like the people here who weren't diagnosed with Autism til later in life
exclaim that all of a sudden, who they were made sense.
Labels get a bad rep-
I find that applying the correct name to things can mean all the difference in understanding them.
It was then that I gave myself "permission" to not ever have sex again if I didn't want to-
that nothing would have to happen to me unless I said it was all right.
It sounds very common-sense,
but in a society where people are "supposed to" have sex with their significant other,
it took many years for me to learn that no relationship is worth surrendering my physical autonomy for.
It took me a long time and a very devoted psychiatrist to get over a lot of my feelings-
I was afraid of/hated men for a long, long time.
And to be honest,
I still struggle with feeling like they're all just looking for a pretty blow-up doll to f*ck.
I'm also angry-
angry that someone who doesn't form sexual attractions is presumed to be either:
a repressed religious zealot
an abuse/rape victim
a lying attention-seeker
suffering from a physical illness or imbalance
People who would NEVER consider calling a gay person "unnatural", or "mentally-ill" don't think twice about saying these things to aces.
It makes me think a lot about Theory of Mind, and how (most) people de facto reject that which they can't empathize with.
I feel very alienated and isolated from the world,
much like Aspies do anyway,
due to my complete inability to understand a sexual's view of romantic relationships, which I can only see as
"I care very much for/love you, and want to make you a permanent part of my life,
but it won't be complete until you take your clothes off and let me stick my penis in you."
There are very few to no studies on asexuality,
let alone it's correlation with Autism/Aspergers,
but AVEN is FULL of Aspies-
it makes sense, given the sensory issues some of us have.
One of the symptoms on the list for female Aspie traits is that we either love sex or hate it.
_________________
For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.
Last edited by Bethie on 01 Mar 2011, 2:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
22 Feb 2011, 1:09 pm
