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mangos
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22 Feb 2011, 1:09 pm

Sorry if this was already a post that I didn't see, but I saw quite a few mentions here and there of people on here who are asexual. I'm curious: how many of you identify as asexual? When did you first realize you were, or identify yourself as, asexual? Is asexuality more common in AS than in the general population? How do you feel that asexuality has impacted you?



Mindslave
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22 Feb 2011, 2:07 pm

I've been less asexual in the past year or so. I also A) stopped taking my meds and B) conformed to society more than ever before, maybe too much for me. Simple creatures live a simple life, and sex is rarely simple.



alice333
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22 Feb 2011, 3:19 pm

I am one. I have had occasional romantic attraction towards people but it has never made me want to actually do the deed. I tried to fight it quite violently before I understood it, to try and be more normal. I think it's partially the sensory aspect of sex which makes me asexual, among many other reasons.



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22 Feb 2011, 5:15 pm

I identify as demisexual b/c I can experience emotional attraction. Its a subset of asexuality though b/c I have no desire for a physical/sexual relationship due to general disgust and sensory issues.


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mangos
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22 Feb 2011, 5:21 pm

Peko wrote:
I identify as demisexual b/c I can experience emotional attraction. Its a subset of asexuality though b/c I have no desire for a physical/sexual relationship due to general disgust and sensory issues.


I've never been clear about the distinction between asexual and demisexual. I thought both can experience emotional attraction (as in, attraction that is purely emotional--I don't mean sexual attraction caused by emotion), but there's a difference in the level of sexual attraction? I thought asexuals rarely or never experience sexual attraction, but demisexuals may occasionally but only in the context of a deep emotional bond? Also, sorry if this is a stupid question, but when people say they're asexual or demisexual for "sensory reasons," does that specifically mean they don't think sex feels good physically?



zee
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22 Feb 2011, 6:34 pm

mangos wrote:
Sorry if this was already a post that I didn't see, but I saw quite a few mentions here and there of people on here who are asexual. I'm curious: how many of you identify as asexual? When did you first realize you were, or identify yourself as, asexual? Is asexuality more common in AS than in the general population? How do you feel that asexuality has impacted you?


There's a few in-depth threads on asexuality in the women's discussion (definately seems to be more common in women):

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt119400.html

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt21698.html



mangos
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22 Feb 2011, 9:18 pm

zee wrote:
There's a few in-depth threads on asexuality in the women's discussion (definately seems to be more common in women):

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt119400.html

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt21698.html


Neat, thanks!



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22 Feb 2011, 11:00 pm

I'm sort of a borderline asexual. I never had sex & I'm not interested in having random causal sex. I would be open to having sex in a relationship if things were serious & I might enjoy it a lot but I'd be OK if a relationship was never sexual. I found out about asexuality a few years ago when I was ranting on a dating site about how most relationships seem to revolve around sex. I think asexuality is sort of a learned thing for me because of lots of things in my life kinda made me lose interest in sex. I'm not really sure how beign asexual has impacted me because it's sort of who I am


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23 Feb 2011, 12:26 am

mangos wrote:
Peko wrote:
I identify as demisexual b/c I can experience emotional attraction. Its a subset of asexuality though b/c I have no desire for a physical/sexual relationship due to general disgust and sensory issues.


I've never been clear about the distinction between asexual and demisexual. I thought both can experience emotional attraction (as in, attraction that is purely emotional--I don't mean sexual attraction caused by emotion), but there's a difference in the level of sexual attraction? I thought asexuals rarely or never experience sexual attraction, but demisexuals may occasionally but only in the context of a deep emotional bond? Also, sorry if this is a stupid question, but when people say they're asexual or demisexual for "sensory reasons," does that specifically mean they don't think sex feels good physically?


Yes, your right about demis only wanting sex in the case of an emotional bond. Basically, they can't look at someone and get that "Oh, he's HOT!" vibe when they first see someone. When I say sensory reasons, I mean that b/c of my sensory issues, if I were ever in love I still wouldn't have sex b/c I wouldn't want to risk harming the other person if I had a problem...


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Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to.


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28 Feb 2011, 6:50 pm

I am pretty far along the spectrum, but definitely not asexual. I was thinking about sex long before I reached puberty. The more distressed I am, the more I crave it. To me it’s the only form of intimacy that exists definitively, and the only kind of physical contact I find desirable and not unpleasant. I don’t like it to be a quick fix, even when it's ultracasual I see it is as a way of bonding with another person, but neither do I want anything permanent or any sort of lasting relationship; I require autonomy. I want to make love to lots and lots of girls in my life.

I don’t like being hugged or touched by anyone except a sexual partner.

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28 Feb 2011, 8:59 pm

I started identifying as asexual wben I was realized that I was essentially trying to force myself subconsciously to be sexual. Which was like a year or two ago. I'm biromantic, however. Though I seem to be turning homoromantic as all the people I've been having crushes on have been guys lately. D:



MichaelDWhite
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28 Feb 2011, 9:10 pm

I identify as Asexual since I have never had a desire for sex (or any type of physical intimacy) with anyone. My research on Asexuality was the gateway to discovering I had Asperger's. I refused to believe my Asexuality was a thing in and of itself, that's why I kept searching for a deeper cause and AS turned out to be it. Asexuality seems to be fairly rare, even in the Aspie crowd. However, I'd be willing to wager that a large percentage of Asexuals are also Aspie.



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01 Mar 2011, 1:51 am

mangos wrote:
Sorry if this was already a post that I didn't see, but I saw quite a few mentions here and there of people on here who are asexual. I'm curious: how many of you identify as asexual? When did you first realize you were, or identify yourself as, asexual? Is asexuality more common in AS than in the general population? How do you feel that asexuality has impacted you?


I didn't realize I was asexual until I found the AVEN site:
http://www.asexuality.org/home/


I'd never experienced primary sexual attraction (looks-based),
but then I never had any friends, so I guess I didn't know most people are constantly talking/thinking about who is and is not attractive based on the size/shape/whatever of X body part.
I was still interested in the "mystery" of sex-
I thought it would be some pinnacle of physical/emotional bliss.


However,
from the very first time I hated everything about it-
though I still sought it out because I subconsciously thought being f*ckable meant I was somehow attractive
(I've always been fat)
but now I know that that's silly,
that many men will screw anything that moves.
I also had it in relationships ("duty sex"),
which basically consisted of me lying motionless or crying while someone f*cked me-
it really took a toll on me.
I tried to kill myself afterward once,
but usually I'd go in the bathroom and throw up,
or cut myself to deal with the emotional pain.
In terms of numbers (casual flings + relationships) most people would say I've been very promiscuous.

Finding AVEN was the first time I had a name for myself,
much like the people here who weren't diagnosed with Autism til later in life
exclaim that all of a sudden, who they were made sense.
Labels get a bad rep-
I find that applying the correct name to things can mean all the difference in understanding them.
It was then that I gave myself "permission" to not ever have sex again if I didn't want to-
that nothing would have to happen to me unless I said it was all right.
It sounds very common-sense,
but in a society where people are "supposed to" have sex with their significant other,
it took many years for me to learn that no relationship is worth surrendering my physical autonomy for.

It took me a long time and a very devoted psychiatrist to get over a lot of my feelings-
I was afraid of/hated men for a long, long time.
And to be honest,
I still struggle with feeling like they're all just looking for a pretty blow-up doll to f*ck.
I'm also angry-
angry that someone who doesn't form sexual attractions is presumed to be either:
a repressed religious zealot
an abuse/rape victim
a lying attention-seeker
suffering from a physical illness or imbalance
People who would NEVER consider calling a gay person "unnatural", or "mentally-ill" don't think twice about saying these things to aces.
It makes me think a lot about Theory of Mind, and how (most) people de facto reject that which they can't empathize with.
I feel very alienated and isolated from the world,
much like Aspies do anyway,
due to my complete inability to understand a sexual's view of romantic relationships, which I can only see as
"I care very much for/love you, and want to make you a permanent part of my life,
but it won't be complete until you take your clothes off and let me stick my penis in you."


There are very few to no studies on asexuality,
let alone it's correlation with Autism/Aspergers,
but AVEN is FULL of Aspies-
it makes sense, given the sensory issues some of us have.
One of the symptoms on the list for female Aspie traits is that we either love sex or hate it.


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Last edited by Bethie on 01 Mar 2011, 2:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

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01 Mar 2011, 2:19 am

mangos wrote:

I've never been clear about the distinction between asexual and demisexual. I thought both can experience emotional attraction (as in, attraction that is purely emotional--I don't mean sexual attraction caused by emotion), but there's a difference in the level of sexual attraction? I thought asexuals rarely or never experience sexual attraction, but demisexuals may occasionally but only in the context of a deep emotional bond? Also, sorry if this is a stupid question, but when people say they're asexual or demisexual for "sensory reasons," does that specifically mean they don't think sex feels good physically?


Asexuals don't experience sexual attraction. Period.
Demisexuals experience sexual attraction only secondarily as the result of romantic attraction or emotional connection (like in a relationship).
Asexuals can also be aromantic,
but a demisexual would by definition be a romantic.

Not caring for sex due to sensory issues (touch, smell, others) makes sense, but I don't know how that would be the case for a demisexual-
those sensory perceptions would be the same no matter who the sex was with, I would think?

Maybe a demi can shed more light. I don't want to speak for anyone.


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01 Mar 2011, 6:55 am

Bethie wrote:
mangos wrote:

I've never been clear about the distinction between asexual and demisexual. I thought both can experience emotional attraction (as in, attraction that is purely emotional--I don't mean sexual attraction caused by emotion), but there's a difference in the level of sexual attraction? I thought asexuals rarely or never experience sexual attraction, but demisexuals may occasionally but only in the context of a deep emotional bond? Also, sorry if this is a stupid question, but when people say they're asexual or demisexual for "sensory reasons," does that specifically mean they don't think sex feels good physically?


Asexuals don't experience sexual attraction. Period.
Demisexuals experience sexual attraction only secondarily as the result of romantic attraction or emotional connection (like in a relationship).
Asexuals can also be aromantic,
but a demisexual would by definition be a romantic.

Not caring for sex due to sensory issues (touch, smell, others) makes sense, but I don't know how that would be the case for a demisexual-
those sensory perceptions would be the same no matter who the sex was with, I would think?

Maybe a demi can shed more light. I don't want to speak for anyone.

It it possible that the sensory issues could be related to anxiety or something like if the demi is more relaxed & comfortable with their partner & their partner is made aware of what the demi doesn't like or doesn't like being tocuhed...


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But I don't want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat: we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
How do you know I'm mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn't have come here.


Bethie
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01 Mar 2011, 7:09 am

nick007 wrote:
It it possible that the sensory issues could be related to anxiety or something like if the demi is more relaxed & comfortable with their partner & their partner is made aware of what the demi doesn't like or doesn't like being tocuhed...


Makes sense.


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For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.