Trouble With Everyday Tasks

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against_the_clock
Raven
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Joined: 27 Nov 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 109
Location: Louisville Kentucky (if you think I don't wear shoes I'll throw them at you)

05 Mar 2011, 4:43 pm

So I'm feeling pretty down but I also wanted to see if other people on here have similar experiences.

I'm an engineering student and I have had a lot of problems with focusing, anxiety, depression, and executive function. I started out in engineering school getting average grades, now I would say they are slightly below average even though people have told me they aren't bad (for engineering school) even though I now have below a 3.0, I just have higher standards for myself.

This semester I have had a lot of trouble spending the required amount of time on assignments and I ended up having to drop all my classes (except for history which doesn't count because it is too easy :) ). I tried medication for ADD this semester but I had to stop because it raised my blood pressure (which was already rather high). I have also dealt with tourettes because of anxiety to the point it has caused a few embarrassing situations, although now it is manageable. I also suspect that some of my problems may be due to head injuries I received when I was young. (even though I have never had a concussion, I have had a head injury that has hurt for several days) I also had a fever that was so high I started to hallucinate (just briefly that the room was shaking back and forth). So I am going to see if my insurance will pay for an MRI.

It is really sad because I am a senior and am pretty close to being done, but I no longer know if I will be able to complete school because I feel like I have regressed in my ability to deal with school and work (this regression seems to have happened fairly quickly, just in the past year and I have not had anything else happen to me except for maybe some depression (caused by some issues with friends) and slightly high blood pressure, no head injuries or anything, so it seems rather sudden and unexplainable). Any advice or stories about similar experiences would be appreciated.
Thanks.



Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
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Posts: 31,231
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

05 Mar 2011, 5:35 pm

Simular things have kind of happened to me I think it could be related to my PTSD......I went to college after graduating highschool. The first year I actually did pretty good well except I had no social life and spent my free time on the internet and got drunk a lot. But I passed all the classes and also had a work study job that I kind of sucked at but still I did show up every day. But towards the end of that year I decided I wanted to transfer colleges because I could not stand the social isolation.

After the summer I started at a different college where I ended up making quite a few aquaintinces and some friends who I was able to hang out with...But after a couple weeks being in class started triggering PTSD related anxiety I would feel trapped like I needed to get out of the room and it felt like the walls where closing in so I kinda stopped going to class....this is when I started getting a bit out of control with drugs....I did not want to admit to myself that I was not over the girl getting shot at the school when I was 16 or that it actually messed me up so much mentally. So I spent a few months on drugs most of the time. But yeah I cut down on that when I decided I needed to get out of the dorms before they kicked me out and that my only option was to go back to my moms place. So I came home and then my dad told me he was going up to minnesota to help build a new house for his parents and said I could come if I wanted....so I did since i did not want to be at my moms house.

I was pretty much too depressed to do anything to well...even simple things, I had a job there at a place that made wood products which I was fired from because I was not working fast enough and apparently I was acting weird..or they thought I was weird or something. So yeah I started getting irritated with how much things where going down hill.....I mean I failed college I failed working at a simple job. So I came back to colorado and started looking for work even though I felt it was pointless and that I would probably get fired from any job I might find. So eventually I got pissed about not even getting any calls back for jobs and was frusterated about being flat broke so I decided to give college a go again. So I enrolled at a community college.

So yeah I am about half way through the semester at the community college and its difficult but managable.....I only have three classes and even that is overwhelming at times so there is no way I could handle even a part time job on top of that. Though I doubt I could function at a job anyways. Luckily the classrooms at this college don't set off any major PTSD related anxiety..but it does happen occasionaly causing minor problems with focusing. Also the depression I have limits my energy level so sometimes I don't even have the energy to keep track of how long I've gone with out a shower or I might not even eat unless I put a lot of effort into forcing myself. So I went from doing well acedemically in college and was doing well enough with a work study job....to barely being able to handle 3 classes let alone adding a part time job on even the idea of trying to move out is overwhelming( I want to move out sometimes I feel I need to so I can get away from people when I choose) but the thought of keeping track of rent payments is quite stressefull when I know sometimes i don't even remember or have the motivation to get up and eat something. Most people would not understand how difficult it is to even get up and do nothing on the weekends. Also the only time I really feel alive is when I drink....and sometimes cannabis makes functioning slightly easier.