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stargazing
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08 Mar 2011, 6:01 pm

Is it common for people with AS to have difficulties with things like procrastination, time management, or being late for things? The logical, meticulous nature of most aspies might seem to suggest a tendency for the kind of excellent organizational skills that make for a very punctual person who gets things done, but I don't actually know.

All I know is that I have struggled most of my life with letting time slip by too fast, forgetting to write important things down, and procrastination issues. I spent three years teaching high school choir, which involved truly enormous amount of highly structured planning. The intense organizational skills it required of me just to stay afloat "grew me up" quite a lot, and I have come a very long way since then. Surprisingly, I stayed on top of everything quite consistently and adequately, and the reasons I am not teaching anymore are unrelated to this. Still, I know that I have not completely mastered my ability to manage time, and I still occasionally find myself running late for things with no valid excuse. Is this sort of thing an aspie trait, or just incidental for me?



purchase
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08 Mar 2011, 6:16 pm

If I don't put all my energy into making sure I'm on time for something, I will be late. Which is why I hate scheduled appointments so much. They're all I can think about til they happen. Even setting an alarm doesn't help. You never know what unexpected things might happen in between, and there's always some unexpected thing, like you were going to quickly eat a cheese sandwich before leaving for an appt. and you look in the cheese drawer and there's no cheese. Aughhh! That changes everything!



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08 Mar 2011, 6:55 pm

purchase wrote:
If I don't put all my energy into making sure I'm on time for something, I will be late. Which is why I hate scheduled appointments so much. They're all I can think about til they happen. Even setting an alarm doesn't help. You never know what unexpected things might happen in between, and there's always some unexpected thing, like you were going to quickly eat a cheese sandwich before leaving for an appt. and you look in the cheese drawer and there's no cheese. Aughhh! That changes everything!


You read my mind :P Especially bothers me when I'm trying schedule appointments for my business. While I'm waiting for the next appointment something happens like there is no cheese and now I have to take care of that problem. But if I take care of the cheese problem then I will be late for the next appointment. But if I don't take care of the cheese problem now, then I will be in the same situation the next time I want a cheese sandwich.

Just repeat that logic a few hundred times to get the effect in my brain. What do I end up with? No cheese sandwich and a angry customer for being late :P



purchase
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09 Mar 2011, 6:43 am

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Just repeat that logic a few hundred times to get the effect in my brain. What do I end up with? No cheese sandwich and a angry customer for being late :P


Hah! Yeah, exactly! :D



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09 Mar 2011, 9:50 am

:lol: @ cheese scenario. Funny because it's true!

I have heard that in another culture (can't remember which one) "late" is considered a personality trait. As in: he is a late person.

I'm a late person.



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09 Mar 2011, 10:51 am

I do my best to be on time, but am more often late than not. Time has a way of getting away from me, even when I have the best intentions.


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10 Mar 2011, 12:16 pm

tomboy4good wrote:
I do my best to be on time, but am more often late than not. Time has a way of getting away from me, even when I have the best intentions.


I too am the same way and I think it's getting worse. Luckily (or perhaps not) my whole family is like this!



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16 Mar 2011, 4:25 pm

Hmmnnn...

I have thought about this a fair bit as I suffer a lot of anxiety and stress over punctuality, reliability and the like.
My parents were old school working class conservatives who had chiselled their way into the lower middle classes. I was brought up with an avalanche of messages about reliability, punctuality etc..
Taking things so literally all the time I became positively OCD about it
and still am.
However, I have done some thinking and rationalised it a little and my punctuality and reliability are now founded in feelings of respect for other people rather than some obsessive absolute.
It seems to me that other peoples time is just as important to them as mine is to me and therefore I shouldn't waste it unnecessarily.
I'm still pretty obsessive about it but don't get quite so stressed if something beyond my control throws a spanner in the works.

peace j


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17 Mar 2011, 9:49 pm

I am always an hour early if possible. I cannot stand being late. I used to arrive at work 2 hours before I'd start seing patients just to have charts reviewed , fresh notes made and everything in order. It became an office joke, but I need o have that much control over my day. God forbid there being a schedule change...... I would often have a meltdown. Everything had to b timely and courteous......


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18 Mar 2011, 1:28 am

I have fairly poor time management, and a master procrastinator... on the flip side of that though is I'm very punctual, I can count on one hand the number of times I've been late to something... even on a 1100 mile road trip I can tell you within 5 minutes of when I'll arrive.



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18 Mar 2011, 6:05 am

MooCow wrote:
I have fairly poor time management, and a master procrastinator... on the flip side of that though is I'm very punctual, I can count on one hand the number of times I've been late to something... even on a 1100 mile road trip I can tell you within 5 minutes of when I'll arrive.


This describes me pretty well too.

I feel very stressed if I am late to a meeting (or even if there's a possibility of being late).

But I am very poor at planning my life even on a daily or hourly basis, not to mention longer perspectives. I tend to drift through the days without an idea of what to do next, acting only when something actually needs to be done ASAP or there will be retribution. So bills get paid in time, but only just in time. Tasks without an enforced deadline (such as meet friends, look for a job etc.) get neglected and finally forgotten.



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18 Mar 2011, 6:53 am

stargazing wrote:
Is it common for people with AS to have difficulties with things like procrastination, time management, or being late for things? The logical, meticulous nature of most aspies might seem to suggest a tendency for the kind of excellent organizational skills that make for a very punctual person who gets things done, but I don't actually know.

All I know is that I have struggled most of my life with letting time slip by too fast, forgetting to write important things down, and procrastination issues. I spent three years teaching high school choir, which involved truly enormous amount of highly structured planning. The intense organizational skills it required of me just to stay afloat "grew me up" quite a lot, and I have come a very long way since then. Surprisingly, I stayed on top of everything quite consistently and adequately, and the reasons I am not teaching anymore are unrelated to this. Still, I know that I have not completely mastered my ability to manage time, and I still occasionally find myself running late for things with no valid excuse. Is this sort of thing an aspie trait, or just incidental for me?


Yes, I suspect in large part, for me, it's an executive function problem.


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18 Mar 2011, 8:03 am

...fixing the time thing in my brain .. no point

Have you ever noticed this ... there is no middle of the road in the world. Some people are either 'be-on-time nazis' or chronically late. There are tons of NTs that are chronically late and NT 'be on-time nazis' assume that it is a lack of respect the laters have for their time (NT well any on-timer).

I live in terror and won't even make plans with a freakish on-timer. It is not a correct assumption that laters have no respect, it is a time challenged issue. Chronic late, no show no call, is a different story, that is rude and I understand the angry reaction. But on-timers do feel it is their right to terrorize the people around them with their insane, have to be on-time mentality. They also assume that even better than on-time is to be early. On-timers make you sit in parking lots waiting for stores to open, restaurants to open or are banging on your door 10 minutes early for something scheduled. That is as disrespectful of other people's time as being chronically late...and they do it with no apologies. Being on-time has the one up and is always the right thing and being early is just so they can fanatically be on--fing--time. And they secretly hate anyone late and as soon as the clock ticks past the 'time' agreed upon they begin their justified boil. And it doesn't matter what is planned. Whatever time you say you should be there....even if it is to do absolutely nothing...you better be there or they get to rag on you for awhile. And they get to rag on you if you are ever late ONE TIME in the whole time you have known them. They have a free pass to pick on you from the moment you start talking about any plans...."don't be late....be here early...be on time so we don't have to wait on you.....bla bla bla...

I make every effort to be on-time and now refuse to commit to an exact time because it is impossible to please the nazis on-timers. Now when I am invited or make plans I will not do it without a discussion. I ask what time is their expectation I arrive....what time is the food served--the movie starts--the doors open...and find out exactly how long they expect me to sit and wait for a game to start, a movie to start, or the doors open to let us in for the school play. Then I either refuse or drive my own car. And they can threaten me all they want, like they won't save a seat for me, and I don't expect it. I am fine with sitting alone and bolting out first.

on-time nazis are just as rude and inconsiderate about their expectations and acting out on their anxiety issues as those who are laters that disregard people .... but there are those of us who one out of ten times might be five minutes late and we are tortured for it. I would never no-show, cancel at the last minute, or arrive any later than a few minutes without a phone call but I still have to put up with the lecture.

grr end of rant



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18 Mar 2011, 11:29 am

My family always said that I'd 'be late for my own funeral'. I always thought that would be a GOOD thing!

Me and time are not friends and I'm not a fan of the world's slavishness to timeliness.



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19 Mar 2011, 6:26 am

I kinda overcompensate for that by turning up to things early now.

Which kinda provides its own set of problems and probably doesn't address the fundamental nature of my organisational faculties


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