Ever been told you are incapable of loving

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Eingana
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09 Mar 2011, 7:15 am

Being told that I am incapable of loving or that the only person I think about is myself, seems to be a saying that has been said to be on many occasions by people that i love very very much.

I have tried everything to try to show my love, but I find it hard it never seems to be enough.

So I thought I would share this with all of you out there who have had this said to you, those of you that know how painful it is when it is said and how it feels to not be able to show to love and pain to the people that have said this.



hale_bopp
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09 Mar 2011, 7:22 am

Im the same. I got told by an ex boyfriend to "get help and learn compassion" or not buying into his dramatic emo games.



bucephalus
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09 Mar 2011, 7:46 am

Eingana wrote:
Being told that I am incapable of loving or that the only person I think about is myself, seems to be a saying that has been said to be on many occasions by people that i love very very much.

I have tried everything to try to show my love, but I find it hard it never seems to be enough.

So I thought I would share this with all of you out there who have had this said to you, those of you that know how painful it is when it is said and how it feels to not be able to show to love and pain to the people that have said this.


I appollogise in advance because I have not had this said to me. However, that is an awful thing to say to someone. Eingana, is this not a case of "He who protests too much" where the people saying it to you are in fact the ones that have a problem 'loving'?


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09 Mar 2011, 9:10 am

I used to think it of myself.


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Eingana
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09 Mar 2011, 10:20 am

Theres no need for apologizes bucephalus, you have a good point, but It has come from NT ppl to me, so my thoughts are clouded on the issue. For the last two years since my diagnosis, I have questioned everything like this because I know now that my perception on things isn't typical.



sgrannel
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09 Mar 2011, 12:25 pm

I've been told that I seem to be unable to relate to other people. I may seem that way, but it's not entirely true.


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Jono
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09 Mar 2011, 12:25 pm

Eingana wrote:
Being told that I am incapable of loving or that the only person I think about is myself, seems to be a saying that has been said to be on many occasions by people that i love very very much.

I have tried everything to try to show my love, but I find it hard it never seems to be enough.

So I thought I would share this with all of you out there who have had this said to you, those of you that know how painful it is when it is said and how it feels to not be able to show to love and pain to the people that have said this.


A lot of NT people seem to confuse not expressing empathy well, and not picking up on signals with not caring. If anyone says that to you, then don't believe them because it's not true.



jamesongerbil
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09 Mar 2011, 12:57 pm

Yes, but because I was deemed "too young" to know what real love is. please... :roll:



Eingana
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09 Mar 2011, 1:02 pm

I think thats what it is Jono, it doesn't help that when a relationship hits a rough patch, i tend to shut down completely, its only when someone if happy that i can communicate well.

Sgrannel, who ever told you that, all i have to say is my first true love was when I was 19 and only know do i understand when people say "You never forget your first true love"



Meow101
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09 Mar 2011, 6:40 pm

I've been told it too, because I don't express emotion well. It's not true and it irritates the hell out of me.

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AspieGenius
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10 Mar 2011, 6:33 am

Yes, I have been told that.

When people take too much advantage of my naivity and starts taking my for granted, I shot down, and move on. This is received as cold and mean. To me it is just being honest. If you treat me bad, after all the good I have tried to do for you and yours, what more do you want from me?

So that is one of the my AS traits, I can go from totally in love with someone, to not feeling a thing, in a very short time, if they tick me off the wrong way.

Due to that fact, I am not certain on whether or not I can feel "real love".

/AG



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10 Mar 2011, 12:12 pm

Moog wrote:
I used to think it of myself.

+1 here.



Volodja
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10 Mar 2011, 12:54 pm

I don't think I've ever been told that before, but I don't really talk to people about things like that, so I doubt it has ever really come up

I wouldn't care though if someone said that to me



Thom_Fuleri
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10 Mar 2011, 6:10 pm

I've been accused of not caring before. Of course I care - I just don't show it. During one dark period my partner (who was gong through something of a breakdown at the time) despaired that nothing he did made me react. I didn't shout or scream, I didn't smash things, I didn't even raise my voice. It's all internal - I go away and churn over it for a while.

One time we had a breakdown of communication and he was shouting at me for screwing up over something. He was utterly baffled by me leaving the room and sitting in the dark for half an hour (by which time he'd calmed down and was able to speak to me normally). I just needed to get away from the constant stream of light and sound that was stopping me from thinking clearly. 99% of the time I function entirely normally, because I've developed coping mechanisms. But if the system gets overloaded, there's a build up of feedback and I can't think.



daspie
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11 Mar 2011, 9:46 am

Eingana wrote:
Being told that I am incapable of loving or that the only person I think about is myself, seems to be a saying that has been said to be on many occasions by people that i love very very much.

I have tried everything to try to show my love, but I find it hard it never seems to be enough.

So I thought I would share this with all of you out there who have had this said to you, those of you that know how painful it is when it is said and how it feels to not be able to show to love and pain to the people that have said this.

I have been told this by my family members. I end up fighting with everyone because of ADHD and egotism. In fact most people I interact with end up being my enemies and haters.