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wefunction
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19 Mar 2011, 9:37 pm

There's a thing in real life that made me aggravated so I do the natural human response now and go to Facebook for a general, vague status update to vent. I mainly just say something about God being my only judge.

Someone responds, "yes, but whose the jury?"
(That grammatical error is hers, not mine.)
I respond, "Hahaha. Citizens from the Society of Kiss My Butt. ;)"
She says, "Ah I see, your peers"

Now, I'm mad so I want to take offense and tell her to f*ck off. But this is someone who's been cool for years. Except when we first met, she was a real b**ch. BUT we resolved the infantile issues between us and had been friends for years after that. So, I'm not sure this was meant to be offensive. If it's a funny thing to say to someone that's not insulting, I don't get it. I sent her a message, telling her that I couldn't tell what it meant (she has a son with aspergers so she's one of the few people who knows about my AS so I told her that was why I couldn't tell) and explained what's irritating me and what prompted the status update. I haven't heard anything back yet.

I'm hoping to get some outsider perspective. What do you think she meant by what she said?? How would you take it??



Musicprophets
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19 Mar 2011, 9:43 pm

well with the limited information, my interpretation of the context would be she is joking with you. a little mean, possibly, but overall i think she is making a joke.



Last edited by Musicprophets on 19 Mar 2011, 9:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

rocknrollslc
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19 Mar 2011, 9:47 pm

it sounds she was just trying to take you down a notch or something, and was hoping you might do the same to her. you know, get a little verbal sparring going. i don't know what the status update was, but that doesn't really seem exactly necessary on her part if she already knew your status update was you venting. even then, im not much for that sort of thing either....it gets really tiresome.



wefunction
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19 Mar 2011, 9:58 pm

She talks down to me from time to time, so "taking me down a notch" isn't anything new. I just didn't know if that's what that was or if I was reading more into it and missing where it was a joke that played on what I said. She still hasn't responded to me so I guess I was off-base giving her the benefit of the doubt. I put her on the filter that cannot comment on my wall. Maybe she won't notice. I don't know. Maybe she'll just leave me alone? If she just made fun of me in front of 175 people because it would make her feel better about herself, I don't really want her there anymore. :?



rocknrollslc
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19 Mar 2011, 10:05 pm

my condolences wefunction. as someone who's been around this kind of interaction far more than i liked..... i think it's definitely a jab as opposed to the latter. not the kind of friend i would want



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19 Mar 2011, 10:07 pm

It sounds like it was just a joke she's just a more aggressive prankster from the sounds of it.
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wefunction
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19 Mar 2011, 11:39 pm

She finally responded and admitted that it was a jab, but not one that was particularly malicious. Given her past behavior, I do believe she meant no serious harm. She apologized and that's good enough for me. It's very rare when I don't accept someone's apology.

Thank you for your insight! We all perceived the comment right and it's really good to get that feedback so I know I'm not perceiving something wrong. I appreciate the help!

She is a friend and has been for years so I'm not inclined to cut her loose based on her saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, but how do you handle someone who does that who doesn't have such a strong history with you?

I remember when I was moving my family from a 2/1 duplex to a 3/1/1 single family home. The single family home cost $50 more in rent per month but it was a lot more space, was better located and had an experienced landlord. One of my "friends" at that time jabbed, "You can't pay your bills now so naturally moving into a more expensive place will fix that!" I ditched that person and never spoke to them again. Oddly, it turns out that the move was good and all the trouble I'd been having with keeping utilities current disappeared. Everything just came together perfectly. Funny, eh? But I really didn't like someone who was supposed to be a friend being so nasty and unsupportive. My finances were none of his business and it definitely wasn't his place to comment on them, you know? That's the kind of person I'd cut off for saying the wrong thing.



rocknrollslc
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19 Mar 2011, 11:50 pm

no problem. just seeing the words of both the people who have jabbed you pisses me off. personally i try to ignore it and pretend like they didn't say anything, and enjoy their good qualities. and keep the communication open. doesn't always work too well though.

im dealing with a lot of this stuff right now. i don't wanna lose my only friend, so im making it work. he recently told me i need to learn to "control myself" in regards to my "reaction" (whatever that even was, i didn't say anything) to his jabbage. i informed the person without missing a beat that they hadn't a clue as to what they were talking about. all this is so much easier said than done, of course...



ntgrl
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21 Mar 2011, 10:29 pm

I'm not sure... I keep reading this over and over and I know she said it was a jab and not a malacious one, but it sounds to me like she was just playing around with you. Sometimes a "jab" can be in good fun. I think she apologized and said it was not malicious because she didn't actually mean to hurt your feelings? People play around on facebook like that a lot.

If I were to have seen two of my friends going back and forth like that I would have thought it was just some witty banter. I too find that kind of thing confusing though and don't do things like that, but my friends do. Anyway..I'm glad you accepted her apology :)



chiyoko
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23 Mar 2011, 3:53 am

I do this alot. Where I am being an a** but not an a**hole. I say smart alec things, but I don't mean them as a direct insult. This is why I have one good friend. She does not take offense to me at all. She makes me feel normal.
At any rate, I read your friend as saying something smart alec and funny. I didn't read it as a direct insult. I usually don't take offense to anyone unless it is a clear and direct insult, much like the one who commented on your finances. That would piss me off.



FlintsDoorknob
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23 Mar 2011, 10:42 pm

Here's a helpful tip. DO NOT VENT ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS ON ANY SOCIAL MEDIA PLACE.

Sometimes venting your emotions can be more productive if you do it in a private journal, or blog anywhere else. It only draws more anger, aggressive, or comments. If you can't handle people saying things to you don't vent on facebook.



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24 Mar 2011, 12:35 am

wefunction wrote:
But I really didn't like someone who was supposed to be a friend being so nasty and unsupportive. My finances were none of his business and it definitely wasn't his place to comment on them, you know? That's the kind of person I'd cut off for saying the wrong thing.


I did the same thing last May with a friend who pretended to support a big (stressful) move I made, until one day it finally came out that she was sure I would fail and called me crazy to make the move. This was after it was already a done deal. I felt betrayed and never spoke to her again. Why lie about what you think? And what business is it of yours anyway? I don't get people sometimes.


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wefunction
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28 Mar 2011, 1:12 pm

FlintsDoorknob wrote:
Here's a helpful tip. DO NOT VENT ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS ON ANY SOCIAL MEDIA PLACE.

Sometimes venting your emotions can be more productive if you do it in a private journal, or blog anywhere else. It only draws more anger, aggressive, or comments. If you can't handle people saying things to you don't vent on facebook.


I think you missed the point of my post but that's okay; that's generally practical advice you've got there. I don't mind. It's cute that you've been on earth just a little longer than I've been on the internet.