Aspie couple?

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My husband and I met and married very quickly, it was an intense and brief courtship for both of us and also atypical of both of our previous relationships. We met online, and after both of us somehow getting over the anxiety of speaking on the phone, we ended up talking constantly unless one of us was at work. We were married 3 months later.

I have always felt different from my peers. My family always complains about how much I isolate myself but they always want to seem so much and give me huge guilt trips if I want to leave after a few hours because I'm overwhelmed or emotionally exhausted, even when I appear to be having a good time.

Part of the reason I think I gravitated so strongly and quickly to my husband is because when I revealed some of my quirks/anxieties to him, he not only accepted but he seemed to understand. So I was more open and honest with him than I have ever been with another person. He not only was understanding about things like my social issues, he shares many of them.

I was diagnosed a few years ago as bipolar type II after a breakdown a few years ago for which I was voluntarily hospitalized. While it was nice to have confirmation that something was wrong with me, I cannot shake the feeling that my diagnosis is incorrect. It lacks any explanation for my need for solitude, my intense feelings of overstimulation, and my massive anxieties regarding social interactions. A few days ago I stumbled on a chart of Aspergers traits in women, and read it purely out of an educational interest. I was sort of alarmed at how the vast majority of items on the list applied to me. I don't want to be a self-diagnoser but I am afraid my psychiatrist will not take it seriously and just tack a few more personality disorders on to explain my other issues if I am open about them.

My husband also displays the vast majority of Aspie traits I've read about. We took the Aspie online quiz on a lark and both scored quite high. This sort of makes me suspicious as it seems so unlikely that if we both are Aspies we would find and connect with one another so successfully (we are still very happily married after 3.5 years). On thenother hand, he always thanks me for knowing how to support him whenever HE is having a meltdown or up against something daunting socially and it always seems so natural to me what to say and do and not do, because that is how I need it when I am.

Anyway, I really have no idea how either one of us could go about getting diagnosed. I think in his case at least, it would be helpful for him to do so as he might stop blaming himself so much for all of his "flaws."

Any suggestions?

Congratulations, firstly, on your successful marriage. I think Aspies do tend to gravitate toward one another, so it's entirely plausible that you are both on the spectrum.

Dealing with the stresses of an NT world, especially without any knowledge of Asperger's, could certainly cause a breakdown. I (obviously) don't know if you're bi-polar or not, but nothing you've said precludes the possibility of an incorrect diagnosis.

I think you and your husband should find a doctor in your area who specializes in Asperger's or ASD. Tell the doctor the same things you've said here.

Also, social anxiety disorder is often the RESULT of living with Asperger's. If this is the case with you, then treating it in the usual way will not work. An NT might be encouraged to have more social interaction in order to show that nothing negative will happen. With an Aspie, negative social interactions are the norm, and more interactions will only reinforce the anxiety.