I can talk to anyone socially, yet I have no friends. WHY???

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When I was young a therapist said I had mild aspergers symptoms. As an adult, I find I can talk to anyone, and I dont have eye contact problems. I'm intelligent, and am often told I am also very handsome. On dating sites, I am always ranked in the upper 10% in terms of looks when people rate your attractiveness.

OK so the problem isn't looks, so why don't I have any friends? People also seem to enjoy my personality when I talk to them, and they tell me they like me. Sure, I am quirky, but I always used to think people liked that about. That I wasn't exactly like everyone else, and had a unique personality!

Yet as an adult, I find I am rejected socially when it comes to people in terms of them asking me to hang out, or in groups.

The thing I don't get when I am trying to form a friendship with someone is that usually it is ME that is trying to do all the work! It's like the other people sit back and just expect the "friendship" to happen! Why don't they TRY to joke around with? Why don't they ASK me some questions, so we could get a better conversation going?

I find when I hang with a person who could be a "potential" friend, he usually sits back and does NOTHING. Isn't HE supposed to be the social one? Why do I have to put in ALL the work being HIS friend?

I'm just fed up because I am very lonely and I don't see a good reason for it. I have a good sense of humor, I make people laugh, and I I'm attractive. Yet I can't get a date' and I can't make friends. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PROBLEM IS! Can someone out there please pinpoint it for me?

I see ugly dudes with NO PERSONALITY who are going on dates with hotties, and have tons of friends! I don't want tons of friends or massive women, but I'd like to have SOMEONE to date and SOMEONE to hang with!

Why am I not entitled to this?

EDIT: I also love it when people tell me "dude you just have to hang out more with people!" Then you ask that person "You wanna hang sometime" and they start going "oh ummm, well Im busy etc." I guess they mean OTHER people, right?

Try and find people who have the same obsession as you. I only have 1 real friend at the moment and I get along with him so well cuz he shares my obsession. Chemistry.

I would also LOVE the answer to this question...

Sorry I can't help much but I'll definitely be watching how everyone else answers.

I have tried to make friends with people - I ask them lots of questions about themselves (which most peole love to ramble on about), I try and find a shared interest, if there is one I'll linvite them to indulge it with me sometime. I think people are just turned off by my mannerisms. I think my voice tends to go flat - which sounds like indifference to them. I don't make very good eye contact and end up looking at all sorts of things - buttons on a shirt, their lips, paintings on the wall behind them... again, signals disinterest no matter what my words are actually saying.

When I was younger my husband told me that lots of people thought I was snotty and stuck up because I hung on the edges and never said much - it looked like I thought I was better than other people.

Needless to say, I have no idea how to fix these things.

I know exactly what you mean. In my case, I think I put out a "needy" or desperate vibe.

pick a pub, any pub will do. (personally, i prefer small, traditional, quiet ones)
go there for a drink, sit/stand there and eventually, somebody will speak to you. (in my case its usually someone saying "cheer up/dont look so sad" etc - even tho im not sad - i just dont show emotion )
problem is, for every 3 nice people that speak to you, there will be 7 or more not so nice.

i managed to pick a pub where its pretty much ALL nice people.

just a suggestion, but pubs may not be your thing. (i absolutely cannot stand the really busy ones where people are hollering over each other and jostling into each other, including me )

I got hottest guy award at my graduation..(which was a lot of attention :s) I've never had a girlfriend.
(Had a fling once :p) I understand where your coming from!

it's kind of annoying because I'm socially inept. If anyone asks why I'm socially inept I just say it's my choice :p

"You should go out, you could get any girl!" - oh really, my past tells me different (one fling which was a fail)

This is a dilemma, now, isn't it? I am adequate with small talk. But it's because I have an "algorithm", a certain set of standard responses and questions. I suspect that that even though I manage, that my timing is just off enough that there is a slight uneasiness. And I also suspect that because my small talk is fake and I have no real emotional connection to the conversation, that this is also telegraphed in some subtle way that I have no awareness of nor control over. So while I may have the outward appearance of maintaining social conversation, it is something akin to artificial sweetener. It tastes OK at first, but it leaves a funny aftertaste.

I'm NT as far as I know but I have never really liked socializing all that much. I find that there just aren't that many people who I feel comfortable with. I meet people who it seems I should have a lot in common with and I just don't feel comfortable around them. I have decided that I will just let those people go and keep looking for other friends. I have found some people I like a lot through volunteer efforts I am involved in. See if you can find some type of activity to get involved in that you really like and chances are you will find other people through that activity who you may click with.

Haa, I recognize myself in Kail's story, though I never got any awards, but I get told a lot that im good looking and yet somehow it surprises me every time when someone actually thinks so, makes me want to prove them wrong. Right now I've been pondering with same questions as OP. I have lots of friends and I'm socially capable, I just choose not to participate so much as I embrace my solitude. It's bothering me a lot, that I only have like 1(?) good friends who actually call me to ask whats up and if I'd want to go somewhere. I concluded I might just be too awkward / hard to be with it for some reason. I'm very straightforward which filters out some people since they would get too easily insulted or offended, mainly my emotionless sarcastic approaches which make the target question whether I just were being sarcastic or really meaning it, and its my fault for wanting to have them standing on their toes pondering upon this, something about being intellectually entertained. I suppose my IQ is relatively high, which again rules out many people as the conversations with them simply wouldnt be enjoyable or in any way challenging. I love to challenge people, I've been hit in the face by some random guy on a street. I was explaining him a concept of a world with different rules, he hit me and said to me "you hit me first, in my brain", so yeah, I get on people's nerve a lot, but I seem to have a theory for everything and again, I'm probably doing this because I myself cant understand or experience such reactions. Most people seem to live in a world with 2 choices and I just love to smack in their face that theres always a third choice, that its not all so black / white, challenging people's beliefs. Gain insight on why people uphold such beliefs and explore the world on my own terms, this again, gets on people's nerves a lot.
Somehow I need to gain my happiness back. I've lost it ever since I started questioning whats going on in this world and once I found out were just a bunch of cattle to our rulers, I've been desperately trying to find out what am I supposed to do. Once I know that, for example "I can't affect the world and im better off living on a country side in solitude rather than spending my life fighting against windmills or feeding my life force for the beast of burden." - I could start living carefree again, I wouldnt give a f**k about new world order or any other s**t, kill all the people for all I care, I've chosen my path of head in the sand. Knowledge is power, but blessed is the ignorant.

I got nothin'.

I haven't had a friend in years, let alone more.

I've had the same two friends for almost 9 years now.

When it comes to making friends with new people I often find I do a lot of questioning and they just seem uninterested to learn about me at all.

Shared interests can bring some social contacts that can melt into friendships. I got very fit riding a bicycle, and ended up racing for six years. Those were some wonderful years.

And I'm good at backgammon and dominoes, and I got a little local fame crushing all comers... and, my quirkiness was totally charming then... those days were in another country though.

But my friends aren't like other people's friends I can see now. I think it is an empathy thing. NT's get involved, enmeshed, in other people's story lines. They care about, and enjoy the drama. I don't know about you, but I hate drama. I can't really tell my own story... or anyone's story in a way that would hold your interest for more than ten seconds.

Same situation here. Us aspies have a hard time communicating on the connection-building, intimacy level that's needed for sustained relationships. My social life has been a long series of welcomes that eventually wear out.

You have to assume all the work of making things with people happen. You can get surprisingly far just playing on the aversion most have to saying "no" and avoiding conflict.

EDIT: I also love it when people tell me "dude you just have to hang out more with people!" Then you ask that person "You wanna hang sometime" and they start going "oh ummm, well Im busy etc." I guess they mean OTHER people, right?

I find that other people are just as lazy in friendships as I am. The more effort one person puts in, the less the other does. You can either keep on trying or you can save your energy for someone else until they start making an effort back too.

Also, you may unwittingly come across as an extrovert; i.e someone who likes asking questions, being the life and soul of the party... that may be what attracted quieter people to you in the first place.