is it wrong of me to use the word........

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fag

now we all know fag is used as a derogatory term, but all of my LGBT friends use it to describe homophobic people, so when someone calls me "ewww, your gay" am i allowed to say "fag" back

of course, there is always "this aggression will not stand man, you fascist!"

What do you mean, allowed? I say fa***t all the time. If someone gets offended, I can only conclude they are too sensitive for me to be around. It's not like I'm referring to anyone in particular.

In England, 'fag' means cigarette. And 'fa***t' is a type of meat.

I don't like it. I especially dislike it when people use 'gay' as a perjorative term, as in "that sucks, that's totally gay". Annoys the hell out of me. Feels like I'm swimming upstream though, it's so commonly used that way.

Personally I fail to understand how using gay in the way described above is offensive in any way, it's just the way people have learnt to use in that context, people aren't expressing their dislike for gays whenever they say it or anything sinister.

I'm the same way. I never say "fag" or "that's gay" out loud, because I take offense to those phrases. The only time I'd ever use the words "fag" is whenever I'm being sarcastic or trying to prove a point while arguing with someone, if that makes sense.

Also, while people who use the phrase "that's gay" may not be homophobic, I still take offense to it because the word is being used as a synonym for something that is bad.

It bothers me when people say that words are just words. Words are loaded with emotion and connotation. I haven't had personal issue with these words, since I don't know anyone who uses them in such a way, but I have issue with other words in a similar way.

I don't really like the term "fag", so I don't use it. I never understood why people use the term "gay" either in slang. It always confused me.

As far as its usage, so long as you aren't trying to put someone down, I don't see a reason for why you can't use it. But that said, don't expect everyone to support you when you do use it. Some folks do get really offended, even if the term is used innocently or jokingly. Like the "n" word, and other racial slurs.

Also, know your audience.

I think that it is very much dependent upon context.

When a bully uses the words "fag" or "gay" to torment a victim, that is not excusable.

But when we reclaim words like "fag" and "queer" and make them our own, then I think that there is a legitimate use.

The difficulty comes, then, when a person uses the words in an ambiguous way. If you are using the work in a way that unambiguosly accepts and supports queer people, then I see no problem in using it. If, however, your words could be interpreted as being perjorative, then it is probably best to avoid using them.

And that means that you have to know your audience.

To me "fag/fa***t" is superoffensive because it involves a physical threat. My understanding is that fa***t originally meant a stick used for burning, perhaps a kind of kindling. The reference is to being burned alive at the stake. What could be more insulting than to be equated with the sticks used to burn you? That's not cute, funny or sophisticated. It's not something that can be "reclaimed." It's deeply offensive in the same way that references to nooses or hanging are to African Americans.

True, most people who use the term aren't aware of its origins. Perhaps they need to be educated in a (legally) forceful manner.

Actually, people say "that's gay" because of their homophobia. Equating something inferior in quality or whatever is in reference to how homosexuals were treated in the past, and still some today.

^^ +1

I disagree, how could you possibly know what everyones views are when they say that.

You don't need to know their views.
It's enough to know that in common vernacular, gay=homosexual, and when someone says "that's gay" they're saying "that's crap/defective/lame/useless/poor".
Therefore, 'gay' becomes a substitute word for crap/defective/lame/useless/poor.

You said it best.

I don't think you're going to understand what I'm getting at, I'm not great at putting things into words. I've used "gay" in the past to mean something bad/sad/funny, of course I know it's origin & how it's came to be used. Me and many other people who use it to describe something bad/sad/funny, we do so without being homophobic or hateful to gays because we simply don't attach those negative connotations and views that you are trying to attach to it's usage, we just use it to simply describe something bad/sad/funny or "gay"!, you are effectively demonizing the word in this usage by telling everyone it's homophobic and hateful, that's just my opinion of course.