Im just not making any progress socially and im lonely
24 Mar 2011, 11:39 am
wow... speaking as a woman, if anyone acted like that to me, i'd probably go hide in a corner somewhere... you aren't very nice =(
i don't know if this will work for anyone else, but... i pretty much only date strange people. we don't play mind games. my girlfriend and i, one day she decided to snuggle me and that made me feel nice and then we admitted we liked each other and we've been together for nearing 2 years now. we just say what we're thinking because there's no point in playing mind games because neither of us understand them.
24 Mar 2011, 12:14 pm
or just find one that doesn't play stupid mind games. that's what i did.
Molecular_Biologist
Deinonychus
Joined: 18 May 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 329
Location: My own world
24 Mar 2011, 4:35 pm
i don't know if this will work for anyone else, but... i pretty much only date strange people. we don't play mind games. my girlfriend and i, one day she decided to snuggle me and that made me feel nice and then we admitted we liked each other and we've been together for nearing 2 years now. we just say what we're thinking because there's no point in playing mind games because neither of us understand them.
In other words you are gay, therefore your advice on what a straight woman wants is probably off.
24 Mar 2011, 5:59 pm
As a woman, I think I have something to say about the "pick up artist" rules.
I have read the books and read the forums, years ago, when a shy guy friend of mine was asking me if those things had a chance to work with even smart women. I studied the material, and found there were things I was not proud of admitting to myself. I would probably indeed be intrigued by a confident guy who looks like he has that "edge" , appears unavailable, makes little jokes at my expense to make me want to fight back and gain his approval.
I would like to point out, though, that none of it is viable in a relationship that is to last over a month. After a while, you want peace. You don't want the mind games to continue eternally. If my boyfriend of 5 years still appeared "unavailable" to keep me interested, I would be having meltdowns for lack of intimacy every day. This is a front you can't keep up for long, and the girls that fall for it expect you to be different and caring and sweet and understanding UNDERNEATH the facade of confidence. Even if you kept the facade up, she wouldn't be able to see it after a while, that's just the kind of things that gets blurry when you're in a close relationship with someone: how they appear to the world.
If what you want is intimacy, relating to someone and have someone truly care about you, then mind games shouldn't be what starts your relationship. Even if she does fall in love with the facade, you will not feel loved. You cannot expect someone to love you if you don't tell them who you are.
24 Mar 2011, 8:48 pm
Women see confident men as good mates.
Confident men don't put up with BS.
Confident men are somewhat arrogant (or at least act like it)
Confident men dress well
Women also look for competence in the men they seek as mates.
That means you go and do things you are good at when looking for women.
If you can't dance don't look for a woman at a dance club you will look like a goof.
Women look for wealth in a mate
Instinct drives women to find mates who can care for her children
So look like you have money even if you don't
These are tried and true...You know they work because this is what NT men do to get women and they don't even realize they are doing it most of the time. It comes natural to them, you have to make up for that lack of male instinct.
Millions of years of instinct and mating ritual isn't just going to change because you are lonely.
If you were doing a job and someone told you a way to do that job easier and quicker and that it would pay off big in the end, but it actually required a little bit of up front work. Would you blow them off because you would rather be lazy and keep doing it the same way without the end reward?
I am not arguing anything you posted dude. What you fail to realize is that everything you said, I ALREADY KNOW! I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO APPLY IT, OR DO IT!
What you are telling me is basically equal to a hockey coach showing a tape of Gretzky to a random guy on the street, and then telling that guy "OK you see what Gretzky did there? Thats how to win at hockey! NOW GO DO IT!". It doesnt work this way!
I do NOT have the instincts, the natural ability Gretzky had! I UNDERSTAND that women love to be treated poorly, that women LOVE games, but I am not good at it! PERIOD!
There is really nothing to "learn" here, you either have it or you dont! You apparently have it, congrats. I DONT! But I argue with nothing you say!
It is a very, very sad world when a good man like me, who is attractive, cannot find a woman. I guess I truly am weak, I truly am a lesser person. The thoughts I have had about suicide are NATURES WAY of telling me "you are weak, and the world would be better off without you".
I have never had the urge to jump off a building more than I do right now. Its finally sinking in, that I will never find anyone. I dont want to grow old alone. So mabye I just wont grow old at all.
24 Mar 2011, 8:59 pm
The first time I finally stopped being the victim and simply hung up on some girl that was canceling a date it changed my view forever. After she called back I told her I hung up because My time was valuable and I didn't have time to wait on flaky b!tches. We went out on a date that night and she was all over me. I learned a valuable lesson..
This is always true.... women value a man who values himself and is not willing to put up with her sh!t.
Call it BS call it shallow call it wrong.....she will call you back if you use the advice. That's all that matters.
I'd love to use your advice, but as I said, I am unable to. I am not good at pulling it off, I can't pull it off.
And just so you know, I am not a pushover by any means. When women cancel on me, I call them out and say "my time is valueable and I don't enjoy having it wasted". What usually happens though, in my case, is I never hear from the women again. Then I read another article suggesting to "ignore" the woman. So the last time a woman cancelled right before we went out, I ignored her. Supposedly, this would make the woman "panic and call back, and apologize". But once again, in my case, she just vanished.
In recap, standing up for myself doesnt work. Ignoring them doesnt work. And being nice about it doesnt work. NOTHING WORKS WITH ME. THEY JUST DONT LIKE ME NO MATTER WHAT I DO,EVN THOUGH I'M HANDSOME AND HAVE A GOOD PERSONALITY.
I am "lacking" something, and I am starting to realize that whatever I "lack" there is NOTHING I can do about it. Women either LIKE YOU or they DONT LIKE YOU. PERIOD. I amin the latter category.
God I hate life, I wish so much I was dead right now. Im so alone. And Gideon, everything you said about what women want DEPRESSED THE HELL OUT OF ME. Sorry to be blunt about it, but it SUCKS big time. But I dont deny it the truth.
Im just gonna kill myself.
24 Mar 2011, 9:38 pm
yeah...basically the mind games and the shallowness and the fakeness can only get you so far, and again if gideon truly believes he knows what women want from men and knows what they want in a relationship, well i think my response has already been mentioned. somehow the definition of insanity of doing the same thing and expecting a different result seems to fit here. but i think we all can agree to disagree. some have it , some dont, some can try to do what others say is the way to go, and still nothing good may come of it. its is just the way it is. good luck johnny dangerous, i hope you can still find hope and strength to carry on even in the most lonely of times. and gideon, congrats on your accomplishments in the dating world, too bad you cant be a wingman for the rest of us.
24 Mar 2011, 10:18 pm
I don't understand all this advice that you should go around acting like a jerk to attract women. That doesn't work at all and it is counterproductive. I've never been with a man who acted like that and I wouldn't want to be. You have to go with your own strengths. If you are shy and a little goofy, go with that. It can be charming and endearing. You can't go against your type and be successful at it. Women like a man who is respectful and kind, and preferably also funny and engaging.
Also, in your original post I thought you were looking for friends and not necessarily women. You certainly won't make any friends by trying to act like a jerk. Find out who you really are and go with that. Even if it hasn't worked for you so far, that is what you need to keep trying to do.
Verdandi
Veteran
Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
24 Mar 2011, 10:31 pm
Lesbians are no more alien beings than autistic people are.
I've dated men (although I am a lesbian, at the time I thought otherwise) and anything Gideon suggested would have been a big turn off for me.
The "nice guys" Gideon refers to are often - in my experience - passive-aggressive men who think they need to play some kind of game wherein women are supposed to determine through telepathy or some other non-existent supernatural power that they're interested, while they're outwardly behaving like a friend - and when they don't get the romantic interest they supposedly want and never directly express they act like they're owed something for having been a "good friend." It's manipulative.
Not nice guys at all.
24 Mar 2011, 10:57 pm
This thread has gotten so off-track.
Seriously, if you enjoy mind-tricks and confidence-games, go ahead and use them but you'll be limiting yourself to those that also enjoy this crap.
If you're just a sincere person you'll (most likely) run into another sincere person and you two can be happy together and probably even laugh at how idiotic the rest of the dating scene is.
I've had plenty of relationships, flings, and whatever with all sorts of different women and a few men. The very few people who played these games or expected me to play them got lost real fast. As for the rest, although we've gone our ways, we are all on the best of terms. Also, currently in a 2.5 year relationship with the most amazing woman and can assure you that not even a single moment was spent playing this idiotic game people are trying to push in here.
24 Mar 2011, 11:32 pm
Um, no.
Insecure little pricks act arrogant so that noone will notice how insecure they are.
Confident people don't need to broadcast how great they are to all and sundry.
_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
25 Mar 2011, 12:18 am
Lesbians are no more alien beings than autistic people are.
I've dated men (although I am a lesbian, at the time I thought otherwise) and anything Gideon suggested would have been a big turn off for me.
The "nice guys" Gideon refers to are often - in my experience - passive-aggressive men who think they need to play some kind of game wherein women are supposed to determine through telepathy or some other non-existent supernatural power that they're interested, while they're outwardly behaving like a friend - and when they don't get the romantic interest they supposedly want and never directly express they act like they're owed something for having been a "good friend." It's manipulative.
Not nice guys at all.
Weak. Nice try. But when I ask a woman out on a DATE and she rejects me, Im pretty sure she knows I dont want to be "her good friend". You are trying to sugar coat things, but basically you are saying the same thing Gideon is: You have to be a jerk to get women.
Verdandi
Veteran
Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
25 Mar 2011, 1:10 am
Lesbians are no more alien beings than autistic people are.
I've dated men (although I am a lesbian, at the time I thought otherwise) and anything Gideon suggested would have been a big turn off for me.
The "nice guys" Gideon refers to are often - in my experience - passive-aggressive men who think they need to play some kind of game wherein women are supposed to determine through telepathy or some other non-existent supernatural power that they're interested, while they're outwardly behaving like a friend - and when they don't get the romantic interest they supposedly want and never directly express they act like they're owed something for having been a "good friend." It's manipulative.
Not nice guys at all.
Weak. Nice try. But when I ask a woman out on a DATE and she rejects me, Im pretty sure she knows I dont want to be "her good friend". You are trying to sugar coat things, but basically you are saying the same thing Gideon is: You have to be a jerk to get women.
I think you misunderstood what I said. I wasn't talking about guys who ask women out on dates, but guys who try to be nice to women and act like friends with the expectation that this will pay off with sex and a relationship when said women "finally break up with their jerk boyfriends." Gideon's saying you're either a nice guy or a jerk. I'm saying there are better ways to be.
You can call it weak, but I've known guys who tried to play this game with me. And it's not just me.
Don't be hyperdefensive, and don't tell me I said or wrote things I neither said nor wrote.
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Is this how bullies operate socially? |
03 May 2024, 11:05 am |
| Making an action film plot ideas |
03 May 2024, 1:41 pm |
