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alexi
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24 Mar 2011, 1:38 am

A couple of times a week (but sometimes more) I have this problem where my mood very suddenly changes. I can be feeling quite ok and then over half an hour or so I feel it changing. I then feel desperate to get away from where I am and that I want to hide in a dark place, get away from any people, somewhat anxious, stop focusing my eyes, and extremely tired. Unless I can sleep (even for just 10 minutes) it stays with me usually for hours. And it is awful.

I can't identify any particular trigger, or why it happens some days and not others. And I don't really feel that my senses are being overwhelmed as such leading up to it. Maybe its an accumulative thing though.

It feels like it has very clear edges - its either happening to me or its not. And my skill levels are greatly affected when it is.

Anyone else relate?



Verdandi
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24 Mar 2011, 2:11 am

I get things like this too. I read in The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome that some autistic people have something like "suicide attacks", brief acute suicidal/depressive episodes that go away with rest. I am not positive that this is what I experience or what you're describing, but it's a thing to think about.



alexi
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24 Mar 2011, 3:12 am

I had a look at the book, and although I can relate to that feeling also, it's not really the same.

This is more like I am shutting down. Speaking becomes more difficult, making sense of what people are saying is more difficult, my patience with everything is low....



Verdandi
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24 Mar 2011, 3:22 am

Oh, yeah, that sounds more like a shutdown.

This might help: http://everything2.com/user/Zifendorf/writeups/shutdown

When I get like that (well, something that's similar - not identical to what you describe) it's because of sensory overload or emotional overload, or both, or the former causing the latter.



ediself
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24 Mar 2011, 4:40 am

Yes it does sound like a shut down and indeed, if you're not paying close attention sometimes it's really hard to spot the trigger. I'm starting to know myself now and plan in advance, for instance if I'm going grocery shopping, it's better I go alone: having to hold a converstation in a grocery store sets me off every time. Took me 30 years to spot it though :P
Low blood sugar also causes it so mind what you eat. Lack of sleep. No "alone time" to recharge after a social event. Someone ringing the doorbell after dark when you thought you were done for the day. Observe and spot your triggers and give yourself the tools to avoid putting yourself in that particular situation to much in the future.
The problem with identifying the trigger can be related to the pain treshold I think: just like pain, you can "forget to notice" a feeling of overload until it's too late. So you have to pay close attention to your inner state, cause sometimes the signs can be subtle.