Page 1 of 3 [ 34 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Sowlowsolo
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jun 2010
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: Wiltshire,UK

27 Mar 2011, 6:15 am

Just wanted to pop in with a segment of this book that struck a chord with me.

The passage reads:
Generally autism therapy revolves around pretending there is no fundamental difference (between NT's and auties), and trying to steer autistics into acting NT. People see autism as the problem, and they see acting as the solution. It is not that they think only autistics should act; they believe in acting as a general path of development for everyone, and for a reason. NTs generally decide who they are in a social context, and so when they try to help you, they apply the same principles that work for them. But you are not a cultural animal (addressing autistics here). You are a sensitive animal. You will discover who you are, not decide. Huge difference!. You must climb your mountain, not the one that a therapist (or trying to be helpfull NT) thinks you should climb. The acting skills that you might learn to mask autism can be irrelevent or harmful to the process of self-discovery.
(bold writing and bracketed comments are mine)

Like I say it struck a chord - and very strongly too. I am so sick of people (even though I KNOW it is well intentioned) telling me how to act or think (most often I'm told to change my thinking). I find myself getting more angry and upset about it because I CANNOT get them to understand that this is not an option. Changing my thinking means ACTING another way and I can only pull off acting in very short bursts that leave me feeling very strange and upset afterward - like I've been very untrue to myself and it hurts.

Does anyone else relate to this strongly as I do?



ASdogGeek
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 769

27 Mar 2011, 11:17 am

I defiantly agree with you


_________________
Autism Service Dogs - Everyday heroes
many people spend their live looking for a hero
My autism service dog IS my hero

http://autismdoggirl.blogspot.com/
http://stridersautismdogjourney.blogspot.com/


Sowlowsolo
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jun 2010
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: Wiltshire,UK

27 Mar 2011, 11:38 am

ASdogGeek wrote:
I defiantly agree with you


Thank you =]
I'm curious about the Autism dog help thing - How does that work?



Oodain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,022
Location: in my own little tamarillo jungle,

27 Mar 2011, 12:07 pm

i think i need to find a copy of this book, sounds very interesting.
thanks Sowlow :D


_________________
//through chaos comes complexity//

the scent of the tamarillo is pungent and powerfull,
woe be to the nose who nears it.


sandrana
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 134

27 Mar 2011, 1:09 pm

this was the first book that I read when I was diagnosed with AS, and I found it to be very helpful and inspirational. the book can be ordered from the website www.afieldguidetoearthlings.com, and you can also preview the first 20 pages of it at the website.



anbuend
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2004
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,039

27 Mar 2011, 1:15 pm

It sounds interesting to me, except we are cultural, it's impossible to escape culture.


_________________
"In my world it's a place of patterns and feel. In my world it's a haven for what is real. It's my world, nobody can steal it, but people like me, we live in the shadows." -Donna Williams


ASdogGeek
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 769

27 Mar 2011, 1:40 pm

I sent you a private messed about autism dogs :)


_________________
Autism Service Dogs - Everyday heroes
many people spend their live looking for a hero
My autism service dog IS my hero

http://autismdoggirl.blogspot.com/
http://stridersautismdogjourney.blogspot.com/


Sowlowsolo
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jun 2010
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: Wiltshire,UK

27 Mar 2011, 6:00 pm

anbuend wrote:
It sounds interesting to me, except we are cultural, it's impossible to escape culture.


You can't escape culture - but the author seems to be saying that we are just not in the game like NTs - we don't pick up the signals that they send and they pick up signals that we DIDN't send - because we don't really do that - but they think we do - so they think we sent a signal and it doesn't correspond with their own so they misinterpret us.

By the way - How cute is your avatar!!



SammichEater
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Mar 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,903

27 Mar 2011, 8:16 pm

I'm not one to read books, but I might should have a look into this.



conundrum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,922
Location: third rock from one of many suns

28 Mar 2011, 1:13 am

Wow, this makes SO much sense. No wonder my identity is still "diffuse" (which, apparently, is often true for female Aspies)--I've been trying to fit (a) mold(s) that society would approve of. I had/have some awareness of doing so--I just didn't realize until recently how damaging that can be.

This book is going on my wish list--thanks!


_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17


Sowlowsolo
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jun 2010
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: Wiltshire,UK

01 Apr 2011, 3:04 pm

SammichEater wrote:
I'm not one to read books, but I might should have a look into this.


I found it a little difficult to understand some parts - but I see that you are 17 - and I think it would be good for all young people with AS to learn as much as they can about NT behaviour. Not so that you can conform - because I don't think you should do that - but just to have a better understanding of most of the people you will come into contact with throughout your life. :)



conundrum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,922
Location: third rock from one of many suns

01 Apr 2011, 3:49 pm

Sowlowsolo wrote:
SammichEater wrote:
I'm not one to read books, but I might should have a look into this.


I found it a little difficult to understand some parts - but I see that you are 17 - and I think it would be good for all young people with AS to learn as much as they can about NT behaviour. Not so that you can conform - because I don't think you should do that - but just to have a better understanding of most of the people you will come into contact with throughout your life. :)


^Seconded. :)


_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17


FTM
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 16 May 2009
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 231
Location: Portsmouth, England.

02 Apr 2011, 12:18 am

I act, it works for me and I still know who the real me is ............. and so do the people who are close to me.



Sowlowsolo
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jun 2010
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: Wiltshire,UK

02 Apr 2011, 10:12 am

Right now my mother wishes I could act. Act as though everything is fine with me. Instead of listening to me say 'I don't know why I'm here - I wish you had never given birth to me - I don't want to be here!'

She said she wished there was something she could do for me - I handed her a pair of scissors ......

Now she's gone home - and it's all me again. I'm the square route of all problems.

Maybe I've been acting for too long. Acting as though everything is ok so as not to disturb anyone :cry:

I don't care anymore - I don't care about my stupid f*****g family - except my son - I want him to have a great life - I want to give him everything. But I have nothing to give him :cry:



emtyeye
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2010
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,421
Location: Inner space

08 May 2011, 10:05 am

Hey Sowlowsolo, from reading some of your posts I'd say you have a lot more to give him than you might realize.



Twirlip
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 27 Apr 2011
Age: 72
Gender: Male
Posts: 199
Location: London, UK

08 May 2011, 10:51 am

Sowlowsolo wrote:
Just wanted to pop in with a segment of this book that struck a chord with me.

The passage reads:
Generally autism therapy revolves around pretending there is no fundamental difference (between NT's and auties), and trying to steer autistics into acting NT. People see autism as the problem, and they see acting as the solution. It is not that they think only autistics should act; they believe in acting as a general path of development for everyone, and for a reason. NTs generally decide who they are in a social context, and so when they try to help you, they apply the same principles that work for them. But you are not a cultural animal (addressing autistics here). You are a sensitive animal. You will discover who you are, not decide. Huge difference!. You must climb your mountain, not the one that a therapist (or trying to be helpfull NT) thinks you should climb. The acting skills that you might learn to mask autism can be irrelevent or harmful to the process of self-discovery.
(bold writing and bracketed comments are mine)

Like I say it struck a chord - and very strongly too. I am so sick of people (even though I KNOW it is well intentioned) telling me how to act or think (most often I'm told to change my thinking). I find myself getting more angry and upset about it because I CANNOT get them to understand that this is not an option. Changing my thinking means ACTING another way and I can only pull off acting in very short bursts that leave me feeling very strange and upset afterward - like I've been very untrue to myself and it hurts.

Does anyone else relate to this strongly as I do?

Bang!! !

Huge, loud chord!

Story of my life, pretty much.

I've written a lot about this recently, in my diary and elsewhere, using exactly this same kind of language, about "acting". Never seen anyone else write about it, though.

(Could I perhaps have come to the right place? It's hard to believe - I've never been in the right place before!)

This'll take some absorbing. I should probably get the book. I'll also see if I can dig around and post some of what I've written on the subject.


_________________
Age: 60. Sex: male. Gender: OK I give up, please tell me
AQ: 37/50; Aspie Quiz: 110/200 for Aspie, 82/200 for NT
Almost certainly not Aspie, but certainly something like it