Hospitiliaztion for Aspie teen?

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I read your long post. I didn't find it excessively long, as you had much pertinent information to convey.
Here are some thoughts I had as I read it.

1. Your kid has been through a LOT of instability, much more than the average kid. Instability is rough for any kid, but much more so for an AS child. If at all possible, you should avoid any more moves or romantic relationships.

2. Your kid's school seems completely clueless about autism. Forcing a kid to go without lunch, or remain in a classroom when they're puking?? That's child abuse. He should be removed immediately. (Personally, I would also consult an attorney, as the school is probably using these tactics in order to get rid of your son).

3. You mentioned your son loves cooking. Use that! You want him to spend less time online, so buy him some cookbooks and let him make dinner now and then (with some supervision, I would think). Give him lots of praise and encouragement.

4. Enough with the meds and the hospitals and the endless doctors. I imagine he feels like quite a freak with all that going on. I would stick with one good therapist, and that's it. Asperger's isn't something you can fix, with or without drugs. It's something you accomodate and learn to live with. I'm sure the therapist will be helpful in dealing with all the abuse and instability he's suffered, however.

P.S. If any of this sounds blunt, consider the source.
Also, I'm not a doctor and all of the above is IMHO only.

Hello again

I wouldn't worry about making long posts. I think I still have the record for that one

To answer your concerns, I think it is best to start by stating the obvious.

Your son is currently stressed out, disenchanted with school (and the education process that it represents) and he is angry/bitter about life in general because he has been treated like crap. At first that doesn't seem like a very useful thing to say, but I feel it is important to say because it makes it obvious that what your child is doing (and how he is acting) is perfectly normal. Who wouldn't become disenchanted, angry, or bitter when going through these things. Especially as a child who hasn't yet developed the patience, understanding, and resolve to face such issues.

It is sometimes 'easy' to say that a child is just being aggressive for no reason, or that he is being unreasonably defiant. But when that is said, it tends to discount the reasons for why the child is acting that way. And when you discount the child's reasons, and just label him as crazy an unreasonable, then you never understand the problem; and thus you never find a solution. Ultimately, it turns the problem into, 'O woe is me, there is no solution, this is just a horrible tragedy'. A generally those sorts of problems get solved by giving up and medicating the child until something happens. In other words, it is a pretty ineffective method of dealing with problems.

By clearly identifying why the child is acting a certain way, you can actually address the cause and work for a solution. The good news is that you seem to already be a step ahead of the game in that you realize that your child is acting the way he is for a reason. Furthermore, you have decided to pull him out of a disastrous environment, and are trying to address the cause of the problem instead of just focusing on the symptoms. This is all well and good, and I commend you on your efforts. But you seem to be stopping one step short.

The step your missing is that you are still worrying about the results of what happened years ago instead of focusing on what can happen next. You are focusing solely on what is happening today, and fearing that it will remain that way forever. You realize that his current actions and behavior are the result of what happened to him in the past. Now it is time to move on and realize that what will happen in the future depends on what happens now.

You see, your son is currently acting way A (aggressive, problematic) because of input A (difficult past). So what happens when you change input A? What happens when you change misunderstanding into understanding. What happens when you change impatience and punishments into help and support? What happens when you change a bad environment into a loving one? What happens is that you stop giving him input A, and start giving input B. And when the inputs change, so does the output.

Will it take some time? Of course, will it be an easy transition? Maybe not. But there is no reason to fret and panic and think, 'O no, he will never get better. He will always hate school, he will always have these problems, he is trapped in this mindset forever.' You need to stop thinking that way, and start thinking, "Ok, he has had some problems, but today is the first day of the rest of his life, and we are going to make a better future together".

There are obvious problems that you need to address first, such as working out a good system for handling overload and aggression (the calming retreat being the most commonly recommended). And things might be rocky until your son has had a chance to recover. But I wouldn't give up hope and assume that there is nothing you can do. Start by getting him in a stable place first. You can work on making progress from there.

Edit: There is more, but I need to eat lunch, ill type the rest up later today.

Ah crud, I just realized I left this post half finished. Is the OP still reading the forum?

AndiLee,
You really are a good mother. Your son has had some incredible stress that would be difficult for anyone, but especially for someone who has to deal with so many other challenges. I really don't believe a hospital setting is good at all.

It sounds to me like he's having tons of anxiety and depression. Have you tried putting him on a "sensory diet?" That means creating soft lighting, minimal wall decor, weighted blankets....my son really responds well to those and they help calm him. How about some music? You're probably tried all of those, but I thought I'd throw that out there, in case you hadn't.

With regards to the ASD center, I agree with checking on references. The problem with references is that they'll probably give you the very best ones, so I find it's good to catch them off guard. I would ask for references of people who have only been there for a short period of time and are your son's age, for example...that way, they have to give you someone who they wouldn't have otherwise (I hope I'm making sense).

Talk to your son and ask him what he prefers. I think I'd prefer to be home alone all day than in yet another school...at least for now. Tell him he doesn't have to decide for now, most places will want the student to try it for at least one day, just to be sure it's a good fit....that will give you both lots of valuable information.

Find out what he likes online and try to get him books on the subject. If he likes online games, ask him if he'd be interested in creating games one day....and get him books on game design, programming, etc. Maybe if he had something to be excited about in his future, he could feel more motivated? With regards to socializing, find out if there are any social groups which are supervised for kids on the spectrum....but again, only if he's comfortable.

I think letting him come here and read of other aspie experiences could be a great idea as well.

I hope you figure it out...my son has also had issues with anger, even though he's a great kid. We have had numerous suspension and a near expulsion from school. I think an online school could be great....but it sounds like he's fragile right now, so I wouldn't force anything on him. Personally, I have found that getting my son to hang out with other kids who aren't neurotypical helps a lot because they're often less judgmental and less likely to bully. If you can find one with similar interests, that would be ideal.

Best of luck to you and whatever you do ....I hope your son is better very soon.

Yes, I am reading. Taking it all in. I appreciate more than you know all of the feed back. I will try to post more often. Thins have been busy.