What do you define as a friend? What do friends do?

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Hi NcNbl, Maybe you are right. I could just not be aware of certain things like that. I still do not know. This whole friend thing is very confusing, some times I'd much rather stop trying to have friends, and perhaps my life would have more order. Then, once things are going smoother is when I can try to have a friend or friends. Alas I am just a lonely soul for now, who's main goals since being a child involved having someone or some friends to love and love me back. At an early age there were people stopping me from obtaining friends, and I never really got to experience true friendship to a high level. I would like a friend and am willing to be yours if you are willing to be mine.

I have noticed that most of my succesful friendships that I have today are spontaneous, much rather than something that I have tried to initiate. They don't have the closeness that I would like to have in a friendship, but I have been told that most normal adult friendships do not have the intimacy. Basically my friendships come from common interactions with people at such venues such as church, work, volunteering, etc. When you run into one another, you have a couple of minutes of conversation and each party goes back to doing their own thing. Maybe you make plans to grab lunch, a beer, or spend time to together. I also attend functions where I know that there will be a number of friends and acqaintances at.

Many aspects of friendships are subjective. There are vibes that bond people together, even though they may interact with each other only on rare occasions. NT's can pick up on these vibes, or understand that a person is with them in spirit, even though they rarely see that person. I think that people with AS want a more tangible friendship, one in which they know that they are appreciated and a good friend, that the time that is spent with them is valued. For some reason, friendship on this level and at this intensity makes people uncomfortable. From personal experience, it can also be embarrasing to look back on years later.

anyway hi! and yey! we're friends! we're friends, right?! i didnt read you wrong? nice username btw as i always do that non stop even when i'm focusing on something.. friendship like love can not be defined by one sentence neither by one person, like a lot of other things in the world. so you could define friendship for yourself. like what passionatebach said (*hi passionatebach! ) its is subjective.. define it by how it works for you but dont be too strict that no one could qualify.. definition also comes and changes through time.

its quite easy to think or prefer to be alone at some point, but its different when you already or really are, it's not as easy as you have thought. and it might become a disadvantage when you get used to being alone, it could get more difficult to let people in, kinda like u'd need to rehabilitate or recondition..

i was unwanted when i was brought up and growing up, abused and locked up, so as i grew up i developed a mantra - "i will be loved". so now my social skills are insane, i got tons of friends, i even get deported to keep them away, it worked but i just made more friends elsewhere..

No you didn't read wrong. I guess we are friends, in the not knowing each other really at all sort of way :I. Thanks for the compliment. What does your name mean? I'm not too strict, I'm quite lenient, and accepting of other ways of thinking, am even willing to switch sides and take someone elses way of thinking if it seems logical. I know that I as well as others can change as well. Perhaps love was the wrong word. I just want someone who will be good to me. I know I will be good to them. I think that's one basis of a friendship is to be good to one another, and not to abuse each other. I definitely do not feel like many have been good to me and for some of those who have been good somewhat recently, they are fading away. I am beginning to not like them myself.

Well, I am lonely. Not alone, although I think I would prefer to be alone for now. I live with the two people who played a huge role in holding me back in life and continue to do so. I am kept around for rent money. I would much rather be literally alone in my own home and I will be soon. With that said, I know I will face difficulties on an emotional/mental/even physical level when I am actually alone. I know this already. It's something I will get through though, because I will be free from all of the undeserved negativity that I am around so often, and I will have to adjust to being completely independent. I think my problem is that I let people in too easy, give them a part of me, and then I never get it back. I may need to stop being so nice so fast and so caring, it sets me up for over usage or mistreatment.

I grew up the same way as you described. It is a great and powerful tool to be and remain positive, as it can surely help you gain lots of great things in life. but lately, I feel that some of the great things in life, like my "friends", are not so great anymore, and in return I don't feel good.

its my name, NcNbl. i'm Nico Noble.. thats good to know that you are open minded about it.. yeah some friends change or worse fade away despite efforts. the best way to be is to be the friendly or the better one or bigger person. be nicer than other people it will gain you more friends even if u lose some and at least u know to urself u didnt do anything wrong.. but do protect urself..


oh i see, the aloneness is because you're trying to break free from bad company, now i understand. your decision is right. and with letting people in u still have to filter.. even if i'm friendly and sociable, i am generally a snob cuz im also shy and to protect myself..

maybe u just need something new, u know like their individuality is already getting to you negatively that if u have an alternate you wouldnt notice these wrongs too much.. but if ur present company is holding u back from what u desire out of ur life and self, you do need to get away..

Ooh okay. That is a cool name! I'll just remain as "pondering" for now. I don't like to give out my name to those I don't know very well. Perhaps in time if we get to know each other better I will. That is good advice. I am trying to be a good person, always am, but even better now. In a way I see these indecencies that have been done on me as a way to better myself. There is no point in being a depressing soul sucker of a human being just because I am sad. What do you mean by protecting myself?

I suppose the "aloneness" is partly due to that. It's a piece to the puzzle.

I'm not sure about an alternate. I don't have many to go to. I should probably just work on getting a good job, saving money, staying healthy, and moving on into a nice place of my own. Eventually, friends will probably come into the mix, good ones and bad ones.. I'm ready for it all!

why thank you.. its okay, i understand.. got friends here for a long time before we exchange real names and photos but my name is quite easy to be asked because its just my username hehe.. thats very inspiring! though i do that too, its just inspiring to know that someone else is actually doing that too even if not exactly towards or involving me, not a lot of people do that.. protect urself, in such sense as, still have some guards up.. not everyone has good intentions.. keep important things to yourself before you trust them to other people.. do not invest or expect too much too soon.. have or set good basis in giving or developing trust in other people, something like that.. like how u would entrust me in time with your name but protect yourself i mean more emotionally &/or literally from getting used and abused through false friendship..


oh okay so there's a bigger picture to that still, well, then its more understandable.. just dont be too alone that u'd be lonely or that u can't be un-alone.. sorry i keep making words up.. hehe..


well, those are good alternate though out of the context of friendship but they too are alternatives and are productive and constructive for you too..

I have only a few friends aside from my husband.

Most people I know are what I would consider to be acquaintances. In that I know them in a very superficial way, and could care less if they are happy / sad / etc. I also do not care if they like me or not.

I think many people categorize superficial relationships as being friendships. I do not do this.

anyway...........
how have you been my pondering friend?

Years ago I got told "A friend is the one who will tell you if you smell bad", which I think is true. A friend has a genuine concern for your well being and happiness, and will not be afraid to discuss potentially uncomfortable things with you, when most others would perhaps snigger and walk away.
A friend will not give in to the mob mentality, and will not allow their opinion of you to be swayed, even when the hordes have singled you out to be the target of bullying. (Uh oh, childhood memories popping out here...)

Someone who doesn't forget your birthday and vice versa, I only have one friend who does that.

Even if friend's genuinely forget...it's a pretty big thing as it means they should celebrate your existance.

Having played The World Ends With You, I guess it also means to trust them with your life in their hands and vise versa...sticking up for them in a fight and such things...

ya even i dont know. but someone who really likes us and seeks our company is a true friend
one who is there just for their profit is not a friend.

they gossip, b***h, criticise other people and entertain themself.

ya many of my friends left me....atleast i wanted to be their friend but unfortunately they didnt
it really really hurts and now onwards im going to be careful so as not to get myself hurt

That's certainly an aspect but, as I've grown older, I've come to realize that the number of people i can do that with is about 3x the number of people who are really my friend.

Getting friends is very difficult for me, even though I wish I had friends I rarely feel that I 'connect' with other people. I have always been shy and I think most people would find me very boring which is also what I consider myself to be. Once I had a so-called ´friend´ he turned out to be a psycho who stole from me and used me. I rarely know what to spend time on doing with other people since I don´t think I have many interests myself. Just have the feeling of never fitting in and it is so frustrating feeling you never have anything in common with other people.

friends are obedient when i tell them it is time to go home.

a true friend knows when i am no longer interested in accommodating them.

true friends leave me alone when i do not want them around.