Signs of an unhealthy relationship

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It is the nature of the beast we just tend to have troubles with relationships...I am ever doing the wrong thing..not knowing what I am doing wrong...I feel like a curr for venting about my boyfriend...as he is "not doing anything wrong".....I am just blowing "nothing" out of proportion..I am ever hurt by "nothing"...Have been a flat weepy mess over "nothing"...and I cannot drag my poor hardworking sweetie through the mud over the fact that I am obviously insane....

This is the reason I was under the delusion that I was suffering from "Cassandra Syndrome"...and maybe I am..but it is not his fault...

Hey, you only told us he's playing computer games a lot......Aspies aren't likely to look down on him for that. He sounds like one of us. It's not like you're blaming him - you've owned your feelings about the situation, even to the point of running yourself down for having them. Sounds like a pretty mature response to me, apart from the low self-esteem.

Why are you beating yourself up for experiencing pain and sharing it? Mind you I know how you feel. I can't even tell anybody that my partner's left me without feeling I've somehow betrayed her. But I think it'll be worse for both of us if I don't. If I don't share my bad feelings, they just seem to rattle around and get worse. And your feelings aren't nothing. Quite the reverse I imagine.

Hmmm......I've been wondering how much of your problem is down to missing him and how much is down to the sheer isolation. Though it'd be hard to unpick those 2 strands. I know it can feel pretty weird if I've had some real closeness and then suddenly there's nothing for days, almost as if I'd be better off alone all the time. I'm doing a lot of guessing here, but if you've been lonely for much of your life, you're probably going to have some very clingy feelings to deal with when somebody does give you the love you need. I didn't know that when I found my first serious partner, and I couldn't understand what was happening to me - being an angry young man, I just blamed her for the whole problem and expected 24/7 attention "because that's what love is."

It seems like it would be good if he could be persuaded to temper his special interests and be there for you a little more......not that I'm blaming him, I mean I guess he's always been that way, and breaking an obsession isn't at all easy. I guess if there can't be any progress in that direction, your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find more friends to keep you company during your long isolation. Meanwhile I hope we can help hold you together through this rough patch. It probably feels worse on the inside of you........judging by what you're saying here, alexithymia or not, it seems to me that you've defined your emotional problem pretty well, even if it seems to you that your whole mind is in total chaos with the jigsaw pieces all over the place.

As for the negativity on the thread, I seem to have a negative mind, but I always see myself as a fixer, and I probably need the negative view laid out in front of me so that the healing can start......if I blind myself to the bad, I'll never make it better. Strangely, I seem able to cope with tons of sorrowful ideas without getting depressed, it seems to be cathartic to get those ideas out into the open where they can be dealt with.

I want to "fix" things too when I can....It can get to be very hard when things seem to be one-sided....or my point-of-view seems null...invalid...from the point of view of the other party..which is how I was sorta made to feel when I broke down and tried communicating with him about it

Understandable....I'm still quite coy about divulging my DX, though once somebody knows, I'm comfy with discussing it as long as they don't look skeptical. My legacy is that my partner left a few days after I was diagnosed. Given the vagueness and implausibility of the reasons she gave for going, it's hard for me to feel that there was no link between AS and abandonment.


Yes it's not perfect. But I'm hoping that the good will outweigh any harm.


My partner also felt something like that with me, and I'd feel guilty on top of feeling unable to connect. It seemed to make my Apsie symptoms worse, and I'd always try to trudge on regardless....I got very funny about being touched, I never rejected it but I think my body language gave me away. She had a lot of ideas about what we should do (sexually and otherwise), and I felt totally swamped....mostly her idea of sharing seemed to be to do her own thing with me "in tow" somehow, so it probably wasn't surprising that I found myself unable to do much but turn in on myself. And then I'd hate myself for being so inadequate.

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Ingenious!


That must have been weird. I think at my lowest, when there was hardly anybody in my life at all, my social confidence was so low that any social contact scared me, I'd feel a tremendous urge to get away from them, because I was always convinced I was going to make a big mistake. It was crazy, I knew I needed people but I couldn't take one step towards mutual nurturance because all I could see was the risk of screwing up and losing them. I just couldn't relax with people at all.

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I have a hard time watching my closeness with people gradually slip through my fingers like that. I used to overwhelm people with words, I think.......


For no reason he could see, perhaps. But I find it hard to imagine a strong human feeling that didn't have a reason behind it. Needless, maybe, but unless we know the reasons behind suffering, how can we tell?
Do you get a panicky, "timeless" feeling sometimes, when you're alone, as if it's ALWAYS going to be that way? When it's bad with me, I'm practically in the coffin at Scrooge's funeral.


It's only in the past year or so that I've begun to learn not to invalidate people's emotional reality. My parents did little else but invalidate each other, so I guess it took me a long time to see it for what it was......seems to be a matter of having blind faith to believe that the other person is really being straight (that's the hard part because they aren't always), and developing a kind of reverence for the way they feel.......so these days I tend to think that no matter how weird, irrational or awkward a feeling is, it's still perfectly valid. It can be very hard to hold onto your own perspective if the only one you share it with won't see it as real. It's like seeing a ghost that nobody else has seen, which I guess would be pretty close to the Cassandra syndrome.

yeah..pretty close to Cassandra Syndrome...and yes I get a very timeless feeling....I feel as though all of time lately has been a long hazy blur....I have a very bad concept of time...passage of time happens in a very abstract way, partially because my life is so weirdly structured....sometimes it feels like the isolation is infinite and the time spent with him is like a separate reality..

I'm told that it helps the timeless feeling if I keep telling myself that the bad feeling won't last forever - and I must confess it's true that it's never done that yet. All things must pass.........

i had a good day...he seduced me into being addicted to a facebook game that was quite Literally Mind-numbing....I spent several hours on it...it was wicked......I understand where he coming from absolutely.....I feel rather numbed to emotion in general....i don't know whether it is good or bad....

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em