Telling parents you have Asperger's

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I am 13 year old male living in Florida. I am in the 8th Grade. Here is my issue. I am very sure I have a type of Autism (probably Asperger's) and really want to tell my parents I have it and get officially diagnosed. I have no idea how to do this without my parents freaking out. Here is a little about me to help you figure out what I should do.

When I was born I was 12 lbs (heavy) which created some initial concerns (which went away later), and when I was little (about 3 yrs old) I began to speak. A lot later than most NT people. I could speak really well though and that shattered the concerns of my parents that I had a disorder. I was really sensitive to loud noises and cried every time a fire truck or ambulance went by. I kept to myself before kindergarten and hardly talked to anyone but my parents thought it was a phase. All I did was experiment with electronics (taking phones, VCR's apart). This went on until my kindergarten years. The first year of kindergarten a school psychologist gave me a IQ test and labeled me as "... highly gifted..." and having "...a very high IQ... I was put in a gifted program but then no one suspected I had autism. When I was in the gifted program almost all the other kids were teasing and bullying me. Even to the point where I am now it still happens. By 3rd grade I was so bored in my classes, because they were so easy my parents wanted me to skip a grade but the school wouldn't let this happen. I had absolutely no friends from 3rd grade up to 6th grade. In 7th grade I fell in love with the first friend I ever had named Jessica. I told her after awhile I thought I had autism and she accepted me and loves me for who I really am. Last year (March 2010) I told my mom I thought I had autism and she said no you don't, and that is not right. I never said anything about me being autistic to her since then but need to tell her now. I can't keep it hidden much longer. Another thing I should mention is that I am extremely good at computers and electronics. Not like good but like to the point where I co-designed a data center for a hospital with 3 other IT systems designers for my dad's company. Working on computers is all I do and all that I enjoy.

How can I tell my parents I have this (first my mom, because she is more understanding) without them flipping out?

If your mom knows you at all, and if she were to look at the symptoms of AS then she would quickly realize that you are in fact autistic. The reason why she denies the fact that you are autistic is because she probably has no idea what autism even is. A month ago, if you were to tell me I'm autistic I would have thought that you're crazy.

SammichEater has a very good point.

Something to consider, related to his comments, is the fact that she probably sees you as her perfect little boy. (Sorry. I know you probably don't like being called a "little boy," but that's how your mom probably sees you.) What little she knows about Autism is probably all bad.

Part of the challenge you face is convincing her that your (presumed) Autism doesn't change who you are. You need to find a way to show her that the things that make you, you, are also the things that make you think that Autism is likely.

I was wondering more how to break the ice with my mom and say that I think I have Asperger's. Like leaving a book about autism on her bed with a note inside it and going to school for the day and see what she says when I come home.

Do you have a school counselor who you can talk to about it? It might be easier for your parents to hear the possibility of you being on the autism spectrum if it comes from a teacher or counselor first. Then admit to them you have been reading up on the subject and believe it's something that should be followed up on.

That is probably a better idea but I still have no idea how to approach it. Just tell her I think I have Autism?

I think the idea is to get a mediator or someone you trust to intervene and talk for you... preferably someone who understands autism spectrum disorders.

Edit: Yes, tell your counselor that you suspect you have Asperger's and you don't know how to tell your parents. You could even print out a copy of what you wrote in your opening post and give that to them.

My 6th grade math teacher has a son who is autistic. I could ask her to help me. But then I have no idea to approach her.

You have to step back a moment. It is a delicate subject that should be approached with time and consideration.

Now I going to put my old fogie hat on now. Adolescent time is different than adult time. A week for you is a month or more for an adult. A month can be like years. For you it is an urgent matter, but telling your parents you believe you autism is a huge deal. You can't spring it on them.

Don't forget, you're a young teenager. You already have the stigma of thinking you know it all, coming from you first before an adult from your school may get the reaction, "You don't know what you are talking about you're just a kid. You'll forget next week."

Take the time., talk to someone at school first.

As an aspie, any advice I give you on breaking the ice is likely not going to work. That's like asking a homeless person how to make a good impression at a job interview. But I'll throw in some suggestions anyway.

What I would do is, at the right time of course, just say "I have something important we need to talk about." Instead of telling her "I think I'm autistic," ask her "Don't you think it's unusual that I co-designed a data center for a hospital with 3 other IT systems designers for my dad's company, and that working on computers is all I do and all that I enjoy?" She will probably tell you yes. Ask her why. She will probably either say she doesn't know or make up some crap. Then I would tell her something like "You know, people with asperger syndrome seem to show intense interests, I think it could explain why I'm different." She might ask what AS is, and from there I would ask her to look it up, or just tell her the rest, and then say "that sounds an awful lot like me, don't you think?"

That's what I would do, but like I said I am by no means an expert at handling serious conversations.

Im curious.
Have your parents noticed your lack of friends?
Or other traits?

I would think it would be very easy to broach the subject.

Just remind your mom of all things that she probably already is been worried all your life about and ask her to connect the dots. She might even beat you to the punchline and realize that your on the spectrum.

I don't know...I can't tell!
They always tell me to get up and do something else other than my computers

That might work. Right now I am trying to see if I can talk to a teacher I used to have about it and going to the guidance counselor with them. The teacher I want to do this with, her son is also on the spectrum.

That's perfect. You just walk up to her between classes and be blunt. Tell her you have a personal problem and would she have a moment to speak with you. If she says yes, tell her you believe you are on the autism scale and don't know how to approach your parents about it.

If she agrees it's possible you are autistic, perhaps she could schedule a parent teacher conference, or recommend a professional to diagnose you.

I think that would work really well!

Also how can I get myself to do this? I am shaking right now and I am going to try to ask her in 3 days.

Deep breath, in through the nose out through the mouth. The next few days are going to be hell, keep it out of your mind by busying yourself with a special interest or whatever you do to kill time. Calming scents, soothing sounds like gentle rain, you have to be as zen as possible.

And I can't stress this enough, don't play it out in your mind and get a set idea of how the interaction will play out. It will work itself out, what will be will be.

I wish you all the luck in the world.