Ever wanted to be a "better person" for a partner?

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Yes I have. One example is I am extremely obsessed about money it causes stress and impairments in the relationship but I am getting better at it. It just makes you a control freak and makes you try and control what your partner can do for fun because you are stressed out over money being spent and get anxiety over it because you are so worried about going broke. So he takes care of the finances now. We share the same bank account. Even I hated my own money obsession because it made me cheap and I sometimes felt selfish because of my own money obsession and it made me be controlling and telling my partner what he couldn't do because it cost money. So now he does the finances because it was too stressful for me. Since then, things have been better and I have loosened up a bit.

I agree - I don't think that love is a strong motivator....I guess I'd probably say that people don't change for their partners, they change for themselves (because they want to see a change in themselves). It's genuinely not a question of withholding love....I feel the way I feel. I just don't think it's enough.

It's not really about AS per se - at least I don't think it is. The AS part never bothered me, but it's more complicated than that.

It is a great movie...."then put on your jammies and I'll read you a story." And yes, I agree with your observations that the characters prompted change in each other. I also agree that you can't change someone else.

I've had someone want me want to be a better person but I haven't wanted to be a better person for them.

Part of the rezone why I want a girlfriend is because I want to become a better person. I need someone in my life to help motivate me & help give me direction to do it. I'd want to do everything I can to help my partner

I don't feel that my ex ever "forced" me or otherwise coerced me to improve myself (rather she just broke up without telling me why), but through the whole relationship I was trying to improve myself because I felt undeserving of the relationship to begin with...

I guess the desire to improve has always been there, but I've gotten sidetracked by either not knowing how at times, and the improvement I was seeking was all wrong (like making more money = a better life).

Now, its about enjoying life as best as I can and being OK with myself as much as possible. Both are ongoing processes, single or not.

Can I ask what you're studying, @mra1200?

Yes I have, and did away with some self destructive habits at the time, although when that person, (and it's only ever been one that I've been inspired to change for, because I'd never met anyone like them), dissappeared from my life, I reverted back to my old habits. I know they'd still have the same effect on me now!

I think, (if you're lucky enough to meet someone who triggers that in you), when you see the best of another person, (whatever the feelings involved), you want to be able to give the best you can in return; it's just a plus that it also helps you out!

I had that type of conversation but it is too personal to share on an open forum. You could PM me but my "conversation" didn't bring the desired results so I don't think I could be much of a help
What I can share is my opinion in general. I think that it is unfair to expect to be accepted completely. We don't get into a relationship with a person we know everything about. It's impossible. The whole point is to slowly learn things about each other and that includes things we might not like. It is essential to address things like that. I believe that we're constantly changing in whatever relationship we have. Small changes. Step by step even without noticing it.
And when it comes to love... Well it's amazing when love makes you want to be a better person. I believe that's what love is supposed to do. But "becoming better person" is very abstract. It's way harder when things get specific. Changing specific things about yourself may be very difficult and very tricky because the only way for any of those changes to be permanent is for a person (who is to change) to realize the need to change (other than ultimatums) and to want it for himself/herself.
My experience taught me that any change someone makes for another person is gone with the first big fight.

You mean at school?

Yes, I was referring to your academic pursuits, but you can tell me what you're studying in life, too (if I'm not prying).

Something like dietary or nutrition science. In life? Everything I can! I try to keep an eye out for interesting things that are happening (but as of right now, things that are affordable). For example, I'm going to see Sir Ken Robinson give a lecture next week.

See this animated (and condensed) version of a talk he gave a couple years ago:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U[/youtube]
Click here for the full unaminated lecture (1 hour long)

I think the topic of how schools are numbing the minds of American children and destroying their creativity is a fascinating topic, one that I think might appeal to a number of us. Unlocking the potential to see possiblities to problems is our forte! (well, except when it comes to dating...)

Yes.

I found it was best for her sake.

Yet she ended up being unfaithful to me, with her ex-boyfriend, who now was her "best friend's" boyfriend, and strongly considered not telling me and staying with me, but I pulled it out of her and broke up with her. She did it just a month or so after I had waited for her for over two months, while she was in a mental hospital, without me knowing where she had disappeared - with me in mental pain, every second of every day, every second of every night, waiting, waiting, waiting. I just assumed that I had to wait for her, or instead kill myself if I never heard from her again, since I then would have to assume that she would be dead... so she showed me how much that meant to her by doing that.

There never was anything wrong with what I have in mind, anyway, but I suppose I would do that, again, for my real true love, if it'd seem to be the best for her. As long as everything would be what would be the best for her....

Last edited by Beauty_pact on 07 Apr 2011, 7:46 am, edited 3 times in total.

Overwhelmingly yes. But I am who I am by nature.