A theory on why Aspies may struggle with women.

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Daredevil-Aspie
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03 Apr 2011, 4:29 pm

I read an article by a guy that calls himself "60 Years of Challenge". Now, I can't comment on his method. I've never tried it, though I may in the future, don't know, that's beside the point. Some of you may have heard of him. He's against most ideas of pick-up artists and other so-called seducers. He thinks most of it is bullcrap. I agree with him on that.

What's interesting about one of his concepts is that seducing a woman is less about being SOCIAL..... and more about being SEDUCTIVE. he distinguishes the two. Social is knowing what to say, when to say it, having ultra refined body language, working out a method of building rapport and attraction, etc. etc. etc. That's what most Aspies obviously struggle with.

And it had me thinking... what if the main reason aspies struggle with women (besides fashion sense :wink: ) is that most of us go up to a girl and try to utilize all the social skills we've learned. In other words, we go out of our way to be something that's unnatural to us.

maybe it'd be easier for aspies if we refined only a few things here and there, especially eye contact and fashion..... and then went from there. Without studying complex pua methods or advanced social skills.



simon_says
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03 Apr 2011, 4:38 pm

I don't know. Ive never studied the subject in any formal way or read the advice of others. I just worked on being friendly and comfortable and then if I felt interest was present, making passes at what I felt was an appropriate time. Ive been both social (friendly asking out) and seductive (more direct sexual pass) as events dictated.

I think it's a subject that doesnt lend itself to systems. People need to find their own comfort zone and work from that. No single approach will be appropriate in all situations.



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03 Apr 2011, 5:04 pm

Ive never had a problem getting a girl or guy or a date



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03 Apr 2011, 5:48 pm

Daredevil-Aspie wrote:
maybe it'd be easier for aspies if we refined only a few things here and there, especially eye contact and fashion..... and then went from there. Without studying complex pua methods or advanced social skills.


That sounds like a good possibility. For me, I hate small talk and chit-chat, and men who are especially charming, because I'm not good at spotting which ones are full of S*** right away. I'm much more likely to talk to a man who just looks nice, makes eye contact, and seems sincere.


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03 Apr 2011, 5:59 pm

Because PUA is bull**** that involves too much hard work against too much competition. Girls recognise when you're trying to 'pick up' them and either they will not want to be involved or they will play along to try and get what they can out of you. If you just act like yourself and not as if you're trying yo pick up girls, they will tend to be more honest and straightforward with you.


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03 Apr 2011, 7:08 pm

meh, I dunno. All I can say is that I simply be my gruff self. I do kind of keep myself a mystery, which does attract attention from the opposite sex to say the least.


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03 Apr 2011, 8:09 pm

Daredevil-Aspie wrote:
What's interesting about one of his concepts is that seducing a woman is less about being SOCIAL..... and more about being SEDUCTIVE. he distinguishes the two. Social is knowing what to say, when to say it, having ultra refined body language, working out a method of building rapport and attraction, etc. etc. etc. That's what most Aspies obviously struggle with.


Social skills do have some overlap with seduction(as I define it) but not much. I had no interest in learning social skills just to get laid so I went with the below.


Quote:
maybe it'd be easier for aspies if we refined only a few things here and there, especially eye contact and fashion..... and then went from there. Without studying complex pua methods or advanced social skills.


This is what I did, I'm lazy so I didn't really want to have to deal with talking to someone who might be attractive but not very intelligent.

If I remember correctly I broke it down like this.

Physical presentation
,
for me it was some muscle tone, as I am tall but my ratio between shoulders and hips is not large and I am again lazy so I didn't feel like manufacturing that shape based solely on muscle. The most advantageous thing for me was I think my arms as I can't stand long sleeve shirts or tight shirts. So I worked my arms until they where toned and had a strong look and only worked my abs until they were defined well enough to not look flabby unless i relaxed all my stomach muscles. I didn't think my legs needed any changes as they look strong already(and are indeed strong I've always been a good runner) and I always were jeans anyways.

The goals here is to look strong but not unnaturally so(That is to be toned, but only bulky if it would complement the way your bones are set) and in a way which complements what you wear already, I whore short sleeves loose shirts and jeans so I payed special attention to my arms, I realized that I didn't need to look bulky because that wouldn't complement my bone structure. If you have larger shoulders and a smaller waist you may want to bulk up.

This way also disguises any effort to look muscled and that on its own can be attractive(You should only be playing this up on athletic women or health nuts), that is being naturally strong can come off as more appealing and going for a muscle mass which complements your bone structure can allow you to play it off as natural.

Also make sure you wash your face, keep your hair clean(If you have dry scalp make sure you buy a shampoo which helps with that and dandruff) and trimmed(If you have an afro let it grow out and get your hair trimmed down make sure you scrape all the dead skin off with something as it's an easy to miss problem when your hair grows out) brush your teeth wash and all the usual things done to make yourself presentable.

Body Language

Standing and sitting straight while looking unaggressive is basically all thats necessary, if a woman smiles at you or makes any overt signs of affection and you're interested just smile back and make some(Do not stare, and make sure your eyes are taking in the rest of the area) eye contact.(If you're at a bar or at a party and this involves a buzzed woman all you might need to do is flirt and make sure you have protection, skipping or minimizing small talk)

Also unless your preference is your bed, you should be doing the act at her house not yours for practical considerations.(For me this was my own privacy)

The first section is useful for any environment, but the second is really only good for parties and bars, I never really did any dating so I can't really help with that.

EDIT: Formatting, spelling.
EDIT2: If a woman is looking solely for sex the small talk shouldn't last unless she's talkative(in which case the topics should be fairly random) or nervous(in which case it should be the former combined with perhaps some sweating or fidgeting of some kind). If you are looking solely for sex I would advise you to look for women who's interest is apparently only sex, for ethical reasons, also always bring your own protection always dispose of your own condoms, and always use them regardless of the sexual act.



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03 Apr 2011, 9:11 pm

Everyone here realizes that tons of women get barrels of laughs reading all these formal theories about what would attract them, right?

:lol:


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ikorack
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03 Apr 2011, 9:21 pm

Bethie wrote:
Everyone here realizes that tons of women get barrels of laughs reading all these formal theories about what would attract them, right?

:lol:


Sure, but your goal shouldn't be to attract every woman(Because women are diverse and their attractions widespread), and if your in a long term relationship you'll need skills separate from what I recommended(Which I acknowledged).

But the easiest type of woman to attract just for sex is a woman looking for sex without a relationship, and the easiest way to improve your odds at this is to improve your physical appearance have a confident non-overbearing friendly demeanor and basically not be an ass, which is easy.

My advice being sound(in context anyways) I don't see why you would find it funny.

I realize you can say your post was not addressing my post specifically(because it wasn't) but it is included in your generalization so I went ahead and acted like it was.



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03 Apr 2011, 10:42 pm

So everything I've been doing over the years has been ----?



Last edited by Northeastern292 on 03 Apr 2011, 10:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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03 Apr 2011, 10:43 pm

So everything I've been doing over the years has been good for nothing?



ikorack
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03 Apr 2011, 10:49 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:
So everything I've been doing over the years has been good for nothing?


Who are you talking to and what are you addressing, this is what the quote button is for.



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04 Apr 2011, 1:29 am

Bethie wrote:
Everyone here realizes that tons of women get barrels of laughs reading all these formal theories about what would attract them, right?

:lol:

You can allways create your own theory(as some members have already done) and make us laugh for a while if you feel like doing so.

As for the theory itself it seems to be somewhat unclear. If there was a link to the roiginal article I might have been able to understand it better but from what Ive read about it I dont agree with the theory. IMO social skills play a huge part on any kind of social interaction and I believe that finding a partner requires social interactions so social skills are needed to find a partner.


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04 Apr 2011, 8:10 am

I have a theory on austism which I am further developing and would like to do research on it with Prof. Simon baron-cohen. In the light of that the "theories" that many people have been posting here are non sense. Sorry to be blunt but this is the reality.



Daredevil-Aspie
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04 Apr 2011, 8:12 am

daspie wrote:
I have a theory on austism which I am further developing and would like to do research on it with Prof. Simon baron-cohen. In the light of that the "theories" that many people have been posting here are non sense. Sorry to be blunt but this is the reality.


It's your reality. Which you stated in a sweeping generalization without acknowledging any specific points made by anyone else in the thread. Eye roll.



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04 Apr 2011, 8:56 am

Daredevil-Aspie wrote:
daspie wrote:
I have a theory on austism which I am further developing and would like to do research on it with Prof. Simon baron-cohen. In the light of that the "theories" that many people have been posting here are non sense. Sorry to be blunt but this is the reality.


It's your reality. Which you stated in a sweeping generalization without acknowledging any specific points made by anyone else in the thread. Eye roll.

You may be right in specific cases but that does not make it a theory which are supposedly set of principles which every phenomenon can be derived from.