Turned down an opportunity cos of AS

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I know I did the right thing, but I'm bummed.

There was an arty group that I got to know this past year, and they are going on to do bigger things. As the artistic director went on to describe his plans, my heart sank. Staying on with them would have meant travelling places I have not been for at least a week at a time and teaching other people that I'd never met before. I'd also be in close proximity to others in the group almost 24 hours a day.

The way it had been was weekly rehearsals for just a few hours, and three week breaks in between projects. I got to practice my social skills (genuine ones that let my quirks show, not acting). I've gotten comfortable enough with these folks to consider them friends.

With this new change, all the things that help me to cope in everyday life would not be accessible for long stretches. I'd have been setting myself up for a breakdown. Wierd because only a few years ago, I would have been able to fake my way through it. I feel marginally successful in the arts so far, because of my ability to act my way through it. This would have been too much.

Can anyone relate? Have you ever voluntarily given up an opportunity because of ASD?

If I was you, I would SEIZE this apportunity, precisely because of Asperger. I mean, the way Asperger affects me is that OTHER PEOPLE are keeping me from things like that because THEY assume I can't handle it. If only someone were to give me a chance, who knows, may be I would prove everyone wrong? I consider you lucky that they actually gave you such a chance. Don't do to yourself the exact thing others are doing TO ME when they are keeping me in my cage. Go grab this apportunity. I mean this is a wonderful way of making friends and who knows what would happen next, may be your life would be even more exiting than the one of average NT and Asperger will no longer be an issue!

Haven't really turned down opportunities because of AS, but someone offered me a job and at the time it was a nice deal.

I said "no" because....

1. I had to move 800+ miles away to take it.
2. No guarantee I'd really like doing it.
3. If it didn't work out, I was concerned about it negatively impacting what level of friendship I had with the guy offering me the job.

If I had NOTHING going my way at all (I had a job working at something I could bear with someone who understood me), I would have jumped at this opportunity, but I wasn't sure it was worth walking away from what I had at the time.

As it turns out, this guy had to close the business and do something else because of the worsening economy, so it's a good thing I didn't take him up on the offer.

However, I do hesitate when I think about pursuing other options. The concern about if or how well it will work out makes me really think twice about taking an option if it was offered. After all, my track record of things working out for me has not been very good over the years.

My husband is telling me the same thing. I guess what I'm afraid of is being at the point of needing to "out" myself as an Aspie to these people. I've been okay with just letting them think I'm spacey and forgetful. I know they are nice people, but sometimes they can be patronizing, and that really isn't helpful.

If I were to travel with them (even for a couple of days) I'd need for them to understand my sensory issues, and why it would be very hard to engage the same way they could. I'm stuck as to how to get accomodated for some things while still being seen equal as everyone else.

I too have been rejected for opportunites in the past, because I couldn't "sell" my attributes as well as everyone else. Most times I am over-qualified, but you wouldn't know it from looking at me.



I completely get this. I have had so many stops and starts over the years. This whole thing has seemed too good to be true. I'm really worried that I'd majorly muck it up and get fired or something

I agree with this. Don't let doubt, fear/anxiety win. Don't over-analyze (hard I know) I've learnt that when chances come along you grab them and don't let them slip through your fingers, AS or not. I have the philosophy that I don't want to live with regret, I don't want to think in years to come....."I wonder what would have happened if only I'd taken that opportunity?"

You can explain your issues to them. Since they know you for a very long time, they wouldn't disapprove of you because of these issues.

Just think of it this way: these issues don't doom you who you are. You can "make up" for them by POSITIVES. One of the positives would be all the contributions you can make through holding this job. So why deprive yourself of positives because you are afraid of the negatives? On the total, positives would far outweigh the negatives.

I mean if you tell people you have sensory issues or whatever it is, what is so "bad" about it. Its not like you are saying you robbed the bank or anything. Most people would say "hmmm, that is interesting", without any kind of negative reaction. But if you tell them "look at what kind of job I have, where I travel on weekly basis". They would go like "WOW she is great!" So, on total, it would HELP your positive image in people's eyes, even if you do have to explain your disability.

Just think about it: if you were to take that apportunity and it didn't work, you could always turn it down later. But now that you turned it down, what would you do if you regret it? Will you find another apportunity just as weird and interesting as this one? I doubt it!

I know it is probably too late. But I feel really desperate on your behalf. If I was you I would demand that they do something desperate to get you into this, even though you turned it down. After all you feel so bad about missing out on a huge thing in your life because of shear stupidity and now you are climbing up the wall to undo it.

Update:

I was feeling sorry for myself for a week or so. I kind of do regret missing out because I haven't been able to work through my fear yet. I've resolved that if I can work through it, then I'll find the right opportunity at the right time and feel ready.

In the meantime, I have found some other things to do. I'm more behind the scenes (I'm doing costuming for another project) but for now, that suits me fine.

Yes, but the "apportunity" taht will come at the "right time" might not be as great and exciting as the one you just missed. The apportunity you described was the one extraordinary thing that most people don't get for LIVES. You were very lucky you just "ran onto it" without even looking. It might never happen again.

I think you should hurry up and make a phone call and tell them how STUPID you are and that they should give you that apportunity now. Tell them there are special circumstances: the reason for your stupidity was your ASPERGER, which is why it takes time for you to make a right decision. Now you have thought about it, realized you shouldn't have said no, and you want a second chance to change your mind.

Okay okay okay! Jeez!

No, but seriously. I haven't talked to my psychiatrist about this whole thing yet. I'd like to try and compose what I'd say with her before I sent an email. Phone call? Eh, no.

I do appreciate your encouragement Roman