Signs of a GOOD relationship...

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Ok! This is to counter the "signs of a bad relationship" thread...There is bad and good in everything!...blah blah..but have any of us been in really good relationships? What elements do we believe need to be present in order for a relationship to be considered "GOOD"....ultimately people who want to be in relationships in the first place want to be in something that is healthy and sustainable...One wants to derive from is something that is akin to happiness...correct?.....tra la la....somebody else go first...I will chime in with my criteria later..

I see you beat me to the punch....well done, I'll be back tomorrow.

Have I ever been in a really good relationship? No. I was just in an okay one though. So I won't be much help here. I'll sit and observe though.

It's difficult. Sometimes I think that I must be in a good relationship, other times it just feels like I have so much still to learn... not sure if I really feel experienced enough to respond to this post.

I think it's probably a good relationship when you can love someone but don't feel constrained or stretched out of shape by their expectations of you. That's my best attempt for now.

Very good...

I think it is a good facet to have in a relationship when there is a sense of mutual attraction...i.e. you don't have to fret that your partner is physically repulsed by you...a sense of physical comfort and compatibility...
It is hard to be with someone who does not like the same kinds of physical contact that you like, OR who likes certain kinds of physical contact that you dislike...

Maybe this is a shallow thing to want in a relationship, but it's importance may bear on things in time...

I don't want this thread to flop!! ! eek!! I guess we do have a hard time with relationships..don't we? if it isn't one thing, it's another...(sigh)

No I don't think so theres nothing worse then being in a relationship with a sense of entrapment that your not as keen on them as they are too you.

When i was younger I got myself into a rather embarassing situation in such a relationship. I can't bring myself to actually articulate what I did but lets just say I faked a certain medical condition to get out of certain intimate contact with this person because I actually didnt' find them physically attractive, it was immensly embarassing not something I want to ever repeat having to do ever again

Don't get me wrong i certainly enjoyed her company but i wasn't attracted too her and it took awhile for me to click that sometimes you just never will find someone attractive if the chemistry isn't there from the beginning.

Lesson learned the hardway. I did managed to spare this poor lass's feelings though. Shes off married now and i'm the one who's single so there you go karma on my arse there!

I have to say reading your situation though I kinda think its cool that you can be so open with the fundamental flaws and the unconventional aspects of how you and your history have lead you to be in the relationship you are now. I really appreciate your sincerity and honesty in what you post. It's hard not to kinda feel for you in some respects with what you write about your situation.

I hope you find happyness for what its worth from some stranger who lives 3000+ miles away cause I really like aspies like yourself who can just be so open about themsleves warts and all its an awesome gift and a curse at the same time in that there are no shortage of bastards who are more then happy to take advantage of such good intentions.

Conflict that shows up and can be fairly easily resolved. There is no such thing as a "perfect" couple.

Yes definitely....if you can resolve a conflict then that's a great help. Also, it's really good if a couple can recognise each other's bad emotional states for what they are, and help to fix it instead of taking it personally. It's about taking a genuine, practical interest in their happiness, on their terms.

I think reciprocity is a good test too......does the above cut both ways? It really seems to help when both people feel that they're on equal terms with the same kind of rights and responsibilities.

I agree about the physical compatibility thing too.....you can probably cope with differences to some extent there, but it's good if you can both enjoy the same kind of contact. I've known it work when we've had different preferences for sex, what happened was that I'd allow the lady to call the shots till she climaxed, then it would be my turn. I don't really believe in simultaneous orgasm, it seems better if one partner isn't climaxing while the other is, so that the one who isn't can be in better control, and so enhance the experience for the one who is.

It helps when problems within relationships are able to BE TALKED ABOUT...and not just swept under the rug because one partner would prefer to completely emotionally shut down and not be able to speak about ANYTHING....just go into mental hibernation and wait for the conflict to resolve itself...This does not work....They have to be able to say...."something" "sometimes"..

It can go the other way around...where you can be in a relationship and sense that your partner is not too physically/mentally keen on you...but they won't address the issue or "let you go" or what-have-you...because more important is the fact that they are "in a relationship" and they don't think they can do better..and so they perpetuate it even though they may not be so keen on you...

It is mainly because I don't have anyone to talk to....who isn't biased and/or "NT" and therefore not quite able to relate...

Or vice versa. This is just as bad, particularly when they make every excuse under the sun to get out of it. It is definitely not a shallow thing as (I'm speaking from my own personal experience) getting physically intimate with someone is one of the ways in which you bond with your partner. It's not just about getting down and dirty, although that's what makes it fun.



Correct. A relationship is dysfunctional or will not survive if you cannot talk to each other about your problems. This is what I do with my other half and we find that once the problem is discussed and solved (whether or not we agree or agree to disagree), we feel much better.

And expecting to never have to ask for advice or give emotional support is just asking for a doomed relationship.

Even if you really care about the person...and think the world of them and want very badly for the relationship to work..if there is a perpetual sense of repression and/or an emotional vacume....it places the relationship into a state much akin to a "pressure cooker"..and that is not stable or healthy....but it is a state that might be prone to exist in AS relationships where feelings can be so latent and so buried and muddled that they are never released...

I think that some people get so complacent with keeping their feelings blocked up and buried that they are much more comfortable keeping them that way than confronting them...the act of doing so, they find uncomfortable and unpleasant.....so they may find it is worth it more not to do so....even though it may damage peoples relationships