Finally got my Aspie Kid in Soccer

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This is my first post to the Parents' Discussion section so here's a brief introduction of who I am: I'm a mother of four... three boys and one girl. I have AS and my middle son has AS. There's other initials that we've both been diagnosed with but to keep it simple, we're both aspies. My oldest son has social anxiety and adhd. My younger two are neuro-typical so far by default of not being tested, but they do raise an eyebrow at times.

My daughter is very athletic. She's a star soccer player. Her aspie brother practices with her for her sake but hasn't shown an interest in playing himself, despite my encouragement, until recently. He joined in a few of her practices - and it helps that my daughter's coach is made of awesome and win - and realizes that he can play. It wasn't just the coach, mind you. The team accepted him immediately, encouraged him to participate, and he made a friend right away.

He didn't like it when they were playing a mock game and I called out to him, "Have a plan." but I forgot that he's not my daughter. He hasn't developed the skill of understanding the difference between criticism and guidance yet. At this point, I can just call out, "Have a plan!" and "Wayne Gretzky!" and my daughter knows exactly what I'm saying to her. By the way... if you get perverse enjoyment out of seeing other adults confused as hell, call out "Wayne Gretzky!" to a nine year-old at a soccer game and hear her respond, "Yes, Mama!" like it makes perfect sense. LOL But, for my aspie son, I said "Have a plan!" and got a dirty look in return. Oops!

My aspie son is involved in Chess Club and Astronomy Club at school. These are two of his special interests and he's received a lot of support for these interests; but, I'm very happy that's finally involved in a physical activity. He's been so against it on the grounds that it requires physical effort and work. But now that he's actually played a pretend game and felt the rush of exerting that energy and how good that feels, I'm hoping his mind will change.

This is a $65 registration cost plus the expenses of cleats and shin guards. I'm more than happy to pay it, but I'll be sore if he decides to quit (and won't be persuaded otherwise) mid-season. But I certainly don't want to bring that up to him because I don't want him to feel like I think he's going to quit or that him registering is a hassle. You know?

What have been your experiences with motivating HF aspie kids for sports and other physical activities? Do they manage in a team environment with NT kids?

My son played through u12 and had a really positive experience. The coach and league choice are everything. As for motivation ... Well, we simply told him that if he signed up he was making a committment and would have to stick it out unless something unusual was going on. He knew all the pros and cons and made a choice. When it got rough we could remind him it had been expected and he had made a choice. AS kids tend to be rules kids, and not qitting on a team is just another rule.

I just signed up my, just turned 5 yo, ASD son too. He is athletic enough and loves running and physical exertion plenty but I am worried how he will do dealing with getting bumped and jostled by other players, taking turns and other aspects of team sports. With the kids his age they don't keep score and they play 4 on 4 so it should be a good place to start (I hope!). I'm just planning on keeping a very close eye on the situation and be ready to act if I see the escalation warning bells go off. I know he wants to do this but it has me on pins and needles!

We have tried a vast array of physical activities over the years, but almost all have not worked for my sons. Team sports simply won't work. My sons don't want to be touched or bumped by the other kids, and even something that is supposedly "no contact" is still too much of an invasion of their personal space, plus the social pressure not to "suck" kills any enjoyment they may have in the activity itself. Individual sports are better, if they are not too loud (they can't handle the kia part of karate), and if they don't have pressure to advance at a certain rate. My sons are very uncoordinated with poor muscle memory. It takes them much longer to learn any physical skill than your average kid, and by longer I mean, what will take another kid 1 session may take them 6-10 or more. So we need a patient coach, and an environment where there is no shame in progressing slowly. For now archery is what is working for them.

If soccer works for your son, that's great!

Aspies often have co-ordination difficulties and low muscle tone. LMT doesn't mean that you can "beef them up" and it will go away - it's with them for life. Aspies also often have poor group skills.

You may find that these qualities make team sports difficult (frustrating) for your son. It could also lead to a lack of acceptance within the team.

Keep going the way you are going and don't let him give up too easily. At the same time, be aware that if his self esteem is hurting, it's time to quit. There are plenty of alternate activities for him to try.

You're the best judge of your son's progress within a team.