I will be lost sooner or later

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I haven't posted on here for a while. It's just like my journal: I write in it when I feel I need to. I'm glad both exist for this reason.

For about five years now, I have lived only with other people in their house, or have been in the care of a company I've worked for. I've never really fended for myself, even though I'm 35.

For the most part, I've worked as a volunteer of farms in exchange for food and accommodation. The reason is this: it's about all I can cope with. I'm finding it harder and harder to cope with people I'm unfamiliar with and cannot imagine having my own place and holding down a job. The prospect seems utterly galling.

Working as a volunteer tends to be the province of younger people, and as such farms are reluctant to take on someone of my age. They wonder why I don't have a career or a home of my own. That's not the only reason I won't be able to do this for ever; I'm beginning to hate myself for leaving myself in other people's care.

Believe me, I can't stay with family. Anyway, that's still getting other people to take responsibility for me.

I'm so tired of this world. I can't think of anywhere I would fit in.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having it rough. I'm having it rough myself right now i'm 25 and with some similar issues. I'm going to attempt to save up enough money for school this year, hopefully I can make some progress with online classes.

Do you think its possible for you to do some work from online or on the computer? They generally are shams and rarely pay much but if social interaction is difficult for you, maybe it is something to look into.