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Budd
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23 Apr 2011, 2:27 pm

Am so frustrated...done a lot of work in learning to communicate but it all seems useless because I still end up in huge arguments. It seems like I can simply say "Pardon me, do you have the time?" and somehow find that I've been rude or insulted someone. I really do wish I had the willpower just to keep my mouth shut and never speak to anyone. But here's the kicker....if I stay silent and try to stay out of trouble MY SILENCE GETS MISUNDERSTOOD AND PEOPLE THINK I'M GIVING THEM THE "SILENT TREATMENT" INSTEAD OF JUST TRYING TO HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET IN MY LIFE.

It seems like no matter what situation I'm in all my choices lead to misunderstanding, arguments, or just people walking away from me.



Jacs
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23 Apr 2011, 2:50 pm

Oh dear, you have had a bad day :(

What exactly happened? Im not to good at these things myself but will do my best to give you some honest and helpful advice, if I can.


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Budd
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23 Apr 2011, 3:06 pm

Well, as usual, today is just the last straw on the camel's back. I just never seem to be able to communicate with people at all. I am so gunshy at this point that I just don't want to talk anymore. I can go for a while without any misunderstandings but when they happen it just devastates me. Its like the old cartoons where the character is crossing a railroad track. He looks one way....nothing as far as the eye can see....the other way..nothing as far as the eye can see...then he carefully starts to cross the tracks and BAM!! ! The train comes out of nowhere.

It would be one thing if I was clueless and these things happen but I expend so much effort to word my sentences very carefully. I agonize for days about asking one question. No matter how hard I try to make sure that I am communicating as plainly and simply as I can it just never works. Never mind if I have to think at the moment because I'm in a conversation.

Its like I've said many times, I hope I can find my real universe someday because this alternate one sucks.(hopefully that's not considered a swear that will get me censored.)



Jacs
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23 Apr 2011, 3:15 pm

Budd wrote:
Well, as usual, today is just the last straw on the camel's back. I just never seem to be able to communicate with people at all. I am so gunshy at this point that I just don't want to talk anymore. I can go for a while without any misunderstandings but when they happen it just devastates me. Its like the old cartoons where the character is crossing a railroad track. He looks one way....nothing as far as the eye can see....the other way..nothing as far as the eye can see...then he carefully starts to cross the tracks and BAM!! ! The train comes out of nowhere.

It would be one thing if I was clueless and these things happen but I expend so much effort to word my sentences very carefully. I agonize for days about asking one question. No matter how hard I try to make sure that I am communicating as plainly and simply as I can it just never works. Never mind if I have to think at the moment because I'm in a conversation.

Its like I've said many times, I hope I can find my real universe someday because this alternate one sucks.(hopefully that's not considered a swear that will get me censored.)


We have all been there and I know exactly what you mean about 'being hit by a train out of no where'.

I had one of those days yesterday; I thought for ages exactly how to pharse what I wanted to say, even rehersed it in my head several times and thought I was complimenting the person. However, they took offence and thought I meant something completely different, although I don't know how. Am still a bit upset about it today.

I guess all can do is enjoy the good days and try and forget the bad.


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Surfman
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23 Apr 2011, 3:51 pm

I'm learning the value of STFU for aspies, we can prattle on too much for most NT's.

Maybe break the silence with a kind non verbal gesture, but keep verbal interaction to a bare minimum.

The disappointments really add up over the years, best to avoid these engagements.



pensieve
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24 Apr 2011, 3:54 am

Ah yes, I've been here many times. I just stop caring and say whatever I like. When people take offense I just look the other way and try not to dwell on it. Or I just stop caring about what they think at all.


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bucephalus
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24 Apr 2011, 4:04 am

I think Pensieve's advice is the best TBH. I'm currently working on learning how to switch off - caring only when I need to, which is not easy for me


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Jacs
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24 Apr 2011, 4:06 am

bucephalus wrote:
I think Pensieve's advice is the best TBH. I'm currently working on learning how to switch off - caring only when I need to, which is not easy for me


I know but its hard, espiecally when you thought you were being nice to someone and cheering them up, only to find you have caused the oposite effect.


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Dylexia, Dyspraxia, Anxiety, Depression and possible Aspergers ... that is all.