How is this possible?

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I am 40/female and undiagnosed AS. Most of the time I am very comfortable with just being around myself and don't really feel a big need for friends. I don't really spend time with other people besides my husband of 16 years and our kids, unless you count work. I'm very introverted and a lot of talking tends to exhaust me. I also have a very difficult time trusting other women. Sometimes I feel lonely and for a bit wish I had friends; however, it doesn't last long because I'm not interested in putting forth the effort to maintain a friendship.

When I was younger I enjoyed spending time around others but have always had issues, especially with other females. The older I got and eventually having a family, I didn't have a lot of time for friends although wished I did. Now.....although I do feel lonely on occasion, I know I can't handle all that goes into being friends with other women. It's emotionally exhausting and it seems like I always end up letting the other person down and the friendship fizzles fast. More and more I'm just not interested. Recently I had a "friend" (really more of a good acquaintance) distance herself from me and I still don't know why (haven't asked). I really don't care to know because this person leans towards being a drama queen and I cannot deal with that, too tiring. Although I felt kind of hurt at first, I am kinda glad to see her go.

I just don't understand how I can feel lonely at times but at the same time know for sure I can't/won't maintain friendships, and have reached a point where I am very minimally interested. I very much enjoy not having social commitments.....I hate having something scheduled in advance, it really irks me and almost always triggers anxiety. Then I usually find a way to get out of whatever it is, and I never regret doing so. I am perfectly happy to be at home doing what I want to do. So why can't I just - somehow - eliminate ever feeling lonely or thinking I'm missing out by not having "real friends?" Because when it comes right down to it, I don't want the commitment of friendship, way too much work. I don't hate people, just not interested in the vast majority of them. My feelings and reality are in direct contrast with one another and it bothers me.

I'm very similar as far as being weary of/not enjoying female company,
and know what you mean by the intense loneliness being accompanied by an ironic unwillingness/apathy toward making friends.

I'm just interested in a romantic partner, but until that happens, I don't have anyone.

I can relate to what you are saying about lonliness. There are times I feel acutely lonely but then I think "I don't really want the bother of having people around". I have gotten to a point that I enjoy hanging around myself and I don't mind the solitude. I personally feel that being alone is the #1 trait of having Aspergers. This is probably why most of us are described as aloof and indifferent to others. It is somewhat of a paradox to feel lonliness and not want to be around someone to alleviate that feeling.

I'm not so much averse to socialization, as I don't know where I would find other people to talk about my interests with, those being academic. I don't give two sh*ts about anything else.

Thanks for your responses. I don't really care to socialize at all. I have varied interests but mostly live "inside my head." Don't care to talk a whole lot because it makes me feel tired. I am definitely a introvert along with everything else. Just wish I could get rid of that pesky loneliness that pops up here and there. I have definitely been described as aloof and indifferent too but I don't really mind.

well due to my own transition of sorts happening in my life and just because im getting older and have renewed interest in becoming comfortable with who i am, i have started to re-read and plan to completely read this book the introvert advantage: how to thrive in an extrovert world. i believe this book along with the more asperger's centered books, etc, can be a real help for all of us here. and i do relate with your plight with females, except that my problem is with men. but im not successful with women either in any type of -ships. i have been described by others as aloof, indifferent, socially awkward, etc etc etc. the one main point that book makes is that there is nothing wrong with us, even though we probably have all believed that there is something wrong. it is still hard for me to accept that as fact, but im working on it. but trust me, this book has definitely given a lot of valuable insight and confirmation for all those "contradictions" about us, the introverts.