I Quit

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I began to talk to this girl that I sat next to in class last semester (call her B), nothing big just trying to make a convo even though I'm not that good with it. Then I started getting more into her and was surprsied that she seemed to like me back. She was really attractive which was a surprise to me cause I don't have the best confidence/self-esteem. It kept getting better and better...I walked with her to our cars after class one day (we were parked near each other).

Well what happened was I chickened out and never asked for her number mainly because I feared rejection. Fast forward to last month and I saw her again in line at the school cafeteria. We exchanged greetings and we both had a simple convo while we were both waiting for our food...still didn't say anything, but when I saw her one day sitting alone at a table, I sat down.

I was nervous as hell but I decided to suck it up and ask her if she wanted to go to this outdoor resturant that is a big attraction near the college (it's seasonal and just opened back up). She said she couldn't that day but she gave me her number to set up a day.

Well it was a couple days later when she texted me and asked if I wanted to go. I obviously wanted but I was nervous to... anyway I met her there, but to my surprise, she had a couple friends with her (2 guys, and 2 girls). I knew one guy from my class and I figured that I can get by with not so good convo skills cause I know another person.

Well one pair of her friends were a couple, the other girl had a class with me before and I had a crush on her as well (call her A)...she was also gorgeous so I felt pretty awkward. I managed to do fine though as everyone had something to say and I added lines in when I needed to, so I felt pretty good.

Well what happened was A wanted to go for a walk in the park, and everyone else just wanted to get ice cream. So I wanted to be nice and I said I would take a walk with her. Well I actually clicked with A and we really got to know each other. I got her number while we were walking and then we decided to get ice cream and meet up with the rest of the crew, who was over by the river (not far from the tables).

What happened next killed me inside and just makes me think I'll never have someone...

B never mentioned about a boyfriend or I never really asked but sure enough the kid I knew from class was kissing her by the lake as we were walking towards them. They noticed we saw and that made everything awkward as hell. Here I thought I was gonna finally make a relationship and of course she's taken...there were no signs of affection before and I couldn't believe it. I knew that everyone could tell I was stunned and everything and when we got towards them B kinda ended her kiss quickly.

Well she texted me that night and told me to call her which I didn't feel like but I did. She told me she liked me and she thought I was nice in all but she already had feelings for the kid I have class with (call him V), and I found out from V later that he asked her out a couple days before me but she had me come along to her date with V and I witnessed the first time they kissed as well. I had no problem with V as he was cool about the whole deal but I can't believe someone would lead you on like that and it's just a horrible feeling.

Then as for the other girl, "A," I found out she already had a boyfriend and I wasn't surprised because she is stunningly gorgeous and I had a feeling. It just makes me sick to my stomach that I befriend two amazing girls, who shared common interests, were really nice, and were beautiful as a bonus, and I won't be able to have a relationship with either one.

Can anyone tell me why a girl would do that? Why wouldn't she just go a different day with me? I obviously don't know but I feel I should just quit because even though I put in all the effort, I never get rewarded and I thought finally I have conqured this 19-year problem and I'm sitting here writing with the feeling of the wind being knocked out of me cause I'm so distraught about this whole situation

Im sorry that happened.

I don't think not bothering to try is a bad idea. Why don't you instead try to build up your friend base?

Dude, pretty girls have pretty friends. Get to know those girls, be cool with just being friends and then down the road ask them to 'set you up' with one of their friends. You have to be young because you're failing to see the silver lining on this cloud, you are in a far better position than you think. There are numerous strategic and practical advantages to just being friends - the aforementioned 'reference' potential, the socialization experience you'll gain, the boost to your own reputation and probably the best benefit of all - the fact that women make great friends (duh).

You're not where you want to be but you aren't where you think you are.

^ Words of wisdom. The guys I know how are highly successful with women all have one thing in common; they have lots of female friends. That's the secret. The more female friends you have, the better off you are, for several reasons; you get heaps of practice at communicating with females and also get a better understanding of how women think and what they want in a partner, your value rises in the eyes of a potential female date if you're seen chilling with other women, plus as Dinosaw said your female friends can hook you up with their friends, and so forth. Plus the whole having more friends thing is a bonus in itself of course.

I found the opposite, most guys I know with only female friends are whiny suckups who can't get laid.
I guess it depends on the guy.

Or do you mean just lots of friends in general.. male and female?

Nevermind I think I get what you mean.

Guys who make friends with girls with the intention to be a friend and just meet more people?

I'm thinking of guys who "befriend" a lot of women with the hope of getting a relationship or laid, not for friendship.

You know, a good expectation of what to expect from NT's is to watch the "Twilight" movies. I think there is a certain youthfulness to everything, a certain learning curve - or just plain confusing love triangles everywhere. After watching the movies I felt so much pent up confusion I just wanted to turn into a werewolf and fight a vampire.

But, honestly. Life is what it is, I've known guys who have gone back 3 times to the same result - each time trying harder... and still failing in the end. And I've grown up watching things that have perfect endings, but in reality nothings ever perfect. This is why I stay locked away in my home and only go out to shop when the stores are empty or work when needed. Avoiding any glances from girls and trying my best to be very unappealing socially.

With a nickname like ItalianStallion, no wonder.

Only Rocky can get away with that name.

So girl A has a boyfriend but is happy to spend quite a while alone with you and to give you her phone number?......sounds to me like she's not quite so paired off and spoken for as might have been thought. What's the basis for that relationship they have? It might not be particularly defined, in which case there'd be no reason to take it seriously, and you could treat her as if she were partnerless. Not that I'd bother with her......any whiff of another guy and I tend to make for the exit door, as I'm a very bad loser and I don't like sexual competition.......for me it's really a question of accept me and ditch the rivals, or push off, though that may be because of my age.

It seems strange that the original girl led you on like that, saying nothing about her boyfriend or wanting to bring her friends along, and then she turns up with the whole shebang like that. Though I can see how the new boyfriend could have been an accidental secret, if the relationship was very new. I used to get fazed by such sudden changes in the social strata, as well as getting annoyed at having my hopes raised with the prospect of having a girl all to myself, only to find that the deal turns out to be nothing special at all. It can still hit me if a lady I'm attracted to suddenly turns up with an apparent partner...it kind of forces me to realise that I felt rather more for the lady than I'd let myself believe.....but I seem to have learned how to roll with the punches and to hide my disappointment - seems to have been a matter of training myself to expect absolutely nothing.

When I was younger, I guess I missed out on the casual stage of learning to deal with girls. I was always against it and just wanted to pair up with somebody and get out of the "hunting ground" as quickly as possible, in the same way as a good gambler quits while he's ahead. Since then I've come to understand that it's probably a healthy thing to parallel date, and to get used to girls as people, in a light context where relationships are the exception rather than the rule. But so many people want sex or heavy petting almost immediately, and I think that spoils the whole game, because it creates inappropriately strong emotional bonds between people who aren't ready for that kind of commitment. And if you feel desperate for a partner, it's going to be hard to keep things light with the opposite sex, because your feelings will be, by definition, very serious and heavy.

I can see how your disappointment would make you feel like giving up. All that work and risk-taking, and still no girlfriend, when you thought you were so close to success. It's just the desperation tripping you up. Chalk it up to experience and keep getting used to girls, and you'll probably do well.

Thanks guys for the help...I do feel better about myself and I'm glad I can be friends with them and made progess but I just didn't understand the whole deal, probably because I've never been in that kind of situation. I know for a fact that the kid I knew from class and her weren't offically dating and that was his date with her where they must of clicked and then kissed without us knowing. She felt really bad that it happened the way it did, she thought we were still in line.

Anyway the guy is pretty cool with me, we joked in class before all this and he definitely is more attractive then me, so I can see why B liked him. Not sure still trying to get over the whole deal cause that was a sh***y feeling.

Love is not an easy game to play. Your feelings are completely understandable, the sequence you describe is legitimate cause for confusion. Take your time getting your head straight and get back at it when you're comfortable. You've learned some lessons but there is no reason to say "I Quit".

Getting a date is like getting a job, you'll have to put out numerous applications before getting accepted somewhere. As it is always easier to get a job when you have an 'inside connection', the same goes with dating.

Looking at things one sided I think. If he was talking to both girls thinking the same thing, perhaps she was talking to both guys thinking the same thing.

I don't believe he would have seen a reason for her to be upset had he hooked up with the 2nd girl.