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GraphicHayley
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

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Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 24

17 May 2011, 8:28 pm

Why do people only want to be friends if you have something to offer?

Boyfriend - Sex
Friends - Car, Money, Place to stay
Family - Only call to b***h at me about money
Cat - only likes me because I pet her

I feel like my whole life is a lie.. it makes me depressed thinking that people dont really care about what I have to say.. they only care about me because I satisfy their entertainment (make a joke of me.. get a ride from me... etc). Is this life? this isolation from people I've been doing has been kind of driving me crazy.. I thought I was schizo for a bit.. I went and talked to a lady about it and she said it's just anxiety.. but idk.. I have these delusions that people lie to me to get what they want.. it makes me so depressed.. I mean.. the things my friends/family say are nice! why is it so difficult to believe it?... am I f****d in the head? Cause sometimes.... I really think I am.

I've been quiet a lot.. isolating myself from friends and family for a longggg time.. years.

is it because I've been being fake to myself? being someone who I think they'll like? because when I'm my true self....... I'm annoyingly hyper... immature.. and quite LOUD (aspie). I've been TRAINED not to be that way.. as a child. I've probably been fake my whole life because I HAVE TO BE to get anywhere in this world.. being fake makes me sad because I FEEL (I dont know if I am...) like I'm trying much harder than everyone else.. it makes me want to give up trying to be friends with people at a certain point.. but then I just get sad that I'm alone.. I have a few friends.. but we rarely ever hang out. I think I'm schizo because of the delusion that everyone is only communicating with the fake me.. not the real me.. so compliments mean nothing. is this schizo or just a severe insecurity?



Marsian
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

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Joined: 20 Jul 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 302
Location: East Ldn, UK

17 May 2011, 9:10 pm

I get confused between being real and fake too, it's gone on for years but right now I'm trying to kinda learn to be myself again. I think I got so confused trying to learn to fake it that it got difficult to know who I am. The best thing to do is to do what you feel comfortable with so if you feel comfortable to be alone then be alone and do your own thing but if you need to be around other people then you would have to work on that. But one thing I would say, from experience, is that if you have to fake it to be friends with someone than that's not friends, they're friends with the person they think you are not with you. Being fake is cool in superficial situations but I have never managed to keep friends by faking it, I think people can tell, I suppose I slip up sooner or later. Awful as it is and cliche as it is you have to try to be yourself. Figure out who you are and what you like and tbh, if other people don't like they way you are fk them. Apparently I talk continuously and am hyper too :) I think some of us are just like that, I think maybe at work it's good to be fake, but not at home. You have to have times to be normal for you :) x



alone
Toucan
Toucan

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Joined: 9 May 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 297

18 May 2011, 7:15 am

I feel like this too. I wish I had the ability to convince myself that people are around me because they value me. When someone new comes along I wish I was able to feel they like me and want to get to know me. But when they only call to talk about themselves, never ask me a question, never call unless they want something...humm...hard to convince myself they care about me as a human being. I'm not sure if it is an AS thing but I'm sure most of the time people are communicating with a 'fake' me. If I was expressing how I really felt they would think I was completely on one end of the spectrum. When I'm frustrated I want to smash my head against the wall, oops can't do that at the family holiday table. Most of the time I have to gather myself together and force myself to act appropriately. And the other thing I found is I can't function in a job, anywhere in the world if I'm constantly jumping up and doing a quick sprint around the room when something makes me happy. Seriously freaks people out.

(PS It took time and making myself stay in the world but now I have 3 friends that I love and they love me, for no special reason. We have been friends for years and 'most' of the time I can be my real self. But not always because sometimes I am just feeling and not thinking and can't identify what or why I'm feeling overwhelmed. Part of being a friend sometimes is being there for someone even when it isn't a perfect time, without letting them know.)

:)