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ICY
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19 May 2011, 3:17 pm

I’d like to see how others people’s experiences compare to mine. I felt an attraction to my previous girlfriend very quickly once I started talking to her, the same with the most recent girl who I wished to ask out. When I went against my first impression in this regard it turned out to be a mistake that I was thankfully able to rectify without any damage, certainly a lesson learned.

Have others had this occur or has their romantic attraction arisen over time from a platonic starting point?



hyperlexian
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20 May 2011, 7:37 am

it's been both ways for me - instant & built up over time. with my husband, my breath stopped and i froze momentarily in place when i first saw him. something about the impression he gave was quite shockingly attractive to me. but with some people i got to know them first and the attraction built with time.


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MXH
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20 May 2011, 7:48 am

Well, my only example was one of spark which went completely against how I thought falling for someone would be like.



hyperlexian
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20 May 2011, 9:01 am

MXH wrote:
Well, my only example was one of spark which went completely against how I thought falling for someone would be like.

what did the spark feel like? and how did you expect it to feel?


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ICY
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20 May 2011, 12:18 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
it's been both ways for me - instant & built up over time. with my husband, my breath stopped and i froze momentarily in place when i first saw him. something about the impression he gave was quite shockingly attractive to me. but with some people i got to know them first and the attraction built with time.


It’s never been that strong for me before, I guess if it ever does I better do something.

Sorry if this is too personal, but do you think the point at which the attraction developed had a longer term effect on the relationship?



hyperlexian
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20 May 2011, 12:40 pm

ICY wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
it's been both ways for me - instant & built up over time. with my husband, my breath stopped and i froze momentarily in place when i first saw him. something about the impression he gave was quite shockingly attractive to me. but with some people i got to know them first and the attraction built with time.


It’s never been that strong for me before, I guess if it ever does I better do something.

Sorry if this is too personal, but do you think the point at which the attraction developed had a longer term effect on the relationship?

erm, not much is personal to me.

my answer is yes. for me, the instant attraction was more likely to last long-term than the slow buildup. the slow buildup was less magnetic and ultimately didn't last very long at all. i can't really think of why.


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MXH
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20 May 2011, 1:42 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
MXH wrote:
Well, my only example was one of spark which went completely against how I thought falling for someone would be like.

what did the spark feel like? and how did you expect it to feel?

It was difficult to percieve. But I just had this immediate, unsatisfiable urge just to be near her. When near her I felt a small headache and light chested. I could feel my blood warm up on my neck and wrists.



ICY
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20 May 2011, 1:48 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
ICY wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
it's been both ways for me - instant & built up over time. with my husband, my breath stopped and i froze momentarily in place when i first saw him. something about the impression he gave was quite shockingly attractive to me. but with some people i got to know them first and the attraction built with time.


It’s never been that strong for me before, I guess if it ever does I better do something.

Sorry if this is too personal, but do you think the point at which the attraction developed had a longer term effect on the relationship?

erm, not much is personal to me.

my answer is yes. for me, the instant attraction was more likely to last long-term than the slow buildup. the slow buildup was less magnetic and ultimately didn't last very long at all. i can't really think of why.


This is interesting given some of the, I’ll called it debatable, information and advice elsewhere on WP regarding men gaining the interest of women. Perhaps without a moment of strong mutual attraction, whatever methods a man attempts will at best have the odds heavily stacked against any success.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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20 May 2011, 1:52 pm

I have to get to know someone before I want any kind of relationship with them.


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hyperlexian
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20 May 2011, 2:05 pm

MXH wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
MXH wrote:
Well, my only example was one of spark which went completely against how I thought falling for someone would be like.

what did the spark feel like? and how did you expect it to feel?

It was difficult to percieve. But I just had this immediate, unsatisfiable urge just to be near her. When near her I felt a small headache and light chested. I could feel my blood warm up on my neck and wrists.

that's such a beautiful sentiment. i was interested to know how it felt for you. for me, it was almost like a "fight-or-flight" feeling, sort of. that sounds bad as i wasn't afraid at all. just that the world *stopped* in a way.

ICY wrote:
This is interesting given some of the, I’ll called it debatable, information and advice elsewhere on WP regarding men gaining the interest of women. Perhaps without a moment of strong mutual attraction, whatever methods a man attempts will at best have the odds heavily stacked against any success.


i think it's different for each person - we are all unique.


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MXH
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20 May 2011, 2:39 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
I have to get to know someone before I want any kind of relationship with them.

I completely agree.



ICY
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20 May 2011, 2:51 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
MXH wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
MXH wrote:
Well, my only example was one of spark which went completely against how I thought falling for someone would be like.

what did the spark feel like? and how did you expect it to feel?

It was difficult to percieve. But I just had this immediate, unsatisfiable urge just to be near her. When near her I felt a small headache and light chested. I could feel my blood warm up on my neck and wrists.

that's such a beautiful sentiment. i was interested to know how it felt for you. for me, it was almost like a "fight-or-flight" feeling, sort of. that sounds bad as i wasn't afraid at all. just that the world *stopped* in a way..


My 2 cents on the feelings at the attraction moment, In my case it was a strong desire to talk to her as much as possible about subjects of mutual interest. She was a great conversationalist and we could talk for hours. Unfortunately, such was my desire to talk to her that I sometimes said things without a fully formed thought. Thankfully nothing disastrous was said, only things that seemed in retrospect to not quiet come across as I intended.

ICY wrote:
This is interesting given some of the, I’ll called it debatable, information and advice elsewhere on WP regarding men gaining the interest of women. Perhaps without a moment of strong mutual attraction, whatever methods a man attempts will at best have the odds heavily stacked against any success.


hyperlexian wrote:
i think it's different for each person - we are all unique.


Touché



Last edited by ICY on 21 May 2011, 3:55 am, edited 2 times in total.

Shai-hulud
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20 May 2011, 3:06 pm

My current relationship had a rather interesting beginning. We've been together for a year and four months, but I've known her for around six years. There was an approximately two year period during which we really didn't talk at all. I became rather socially withdrawn, and then I moved out of state for a year. A few months after I moved back home, she somewhat out of the blue invited me to a party. I was rather reluctant to go, but I went and I had a lot of fun. I spent the night and reconnected with her a bit. The next day, we were doing some mundane stuff around the house to clean up, and that was when I realized I wanted her. I remember the exact moment. She was putting laundry detergent in a cabinet, of all things, and it just hit me that I wanted her. The thought had not crossed my mind before. It was so random. I had never experienced the feeling of "wanting" someone before.

It turned out that she had liked me for about three years prior.