Fellow classmate has Aspergers; how do I help him?

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IAMSTEVO
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30 May 2011, 6:38 am

Hi there; my name is Stephen, I'm new here.

This is going to kinda long; but I feel its an important issue, so please don't give me any of that "TL;DR" crap ok?

But anyway; before I go onto this topic; I'd like to state that I myself have been diagnosed with Aspergers, however I've had countless amount of treatment over the years to help me out with my social problems and what not. Now I more or less lead a normal life. I couldn't ask for things to be any better really. :)

But It always brings a small tear to my eye when I see other people with more severe Aspergers than me struggling; I feel extremely lucky that I reacted well to my treatment, but I know there are many others who haven't even had the chance to be treated and lately I've been feeling really bad for a student on my college course. He spends most of his class time watching animie on Youtube and when he puts on music he will often dance to it; he also shows a great interest in internet memes, so he often gets treated like a clown by other guys in the class. I really can't tell if hes intentionally seeking a laugh from classmates or not. As for the girls; they find him repulsive, which is understandable since he often gropes them. Things is; hes a really intelligent guy when it comes down to it, which is why I'm confused to him behaving in this manner.

But lately; I think these type of things have been really getting to him, he's been trying really hard to reach out to people. The other day; he even invited people to join him on a webcam chat room, which a lot of people just saw as a chance to laugh at him. Eventually; he kicked everyone off the chat excluding me, he then started to open up to me which made me feel really bad. He was telling me how he struggled to make friends and that he really wanted a girlfriend. I tried telling him what he was doing wrong; but he just couldn't comprehend what I was saying, it felt like I was talking to a brick wall. Eventually I just left the chat with my mouth zipped.

I kinda tried to forget about about; I mean, how can you help someone if they don't take the time to listen to you or comprehend what your saying? So I let it go; until today, when I stopped he uploaded a note on Facebook two days ago which read as follows:

Quote:


The Big "f**k You" of Life.
by ____ _________ on Saturday, 28 May 2011 at 21:05

When you don't drink, don't smoke, don't go shopping 24/7, etcetera... etcetera...

Going out alone whilst you live in Hastings is the most f*****g stupid thing you could ever possibly do around here.

I s**t you not. Unless you feel the constant OCD need to 'get some fresh air'.

That or someone just tells you to do it because they can't come up with a better f*****g response.

When was the last time you stopped a stranger anywhere in Hastings, said 'Hi!' and actually got in to a proper conversation?

If you actually answered that with a viable response, you were most likely drunk or really out-going [Liquid Courage in a Bottle / Forced Independence].

Most of the friends you have now are either those you knew from your childhood, those who now live abroad, those who have always lived overseas and those who are just friends-of-friends who you've never really gave two s**ts about in the first place.

'Go to the Beach then!'

And what? Throw pebbles? Look at a burnt down Pier? Watch people play in the sea or with their pet dogs? I don't think any those actually help me.

To be honest, it's downright depressing.

'Go out and buy a -insert_item_here-'

Money does not rule life and it never should.

If it does, then I guess I'm f****d unless I spend my money on other people, which most of the time ends up with it being rejected.

I don't desire any objects unlike most people these days.

Unless you count the one or two odd games here and there every year.

It's sad that the only way for a person like myself to be noticed does not come from words or from how they'd view life.

Heck, most people wouldn't bother reading this far... the lazy f***s...

Being independent when you have no independence to go upon is what I'd call the 'Path to Insanity'. I've probably spoken to myself more than I have spoken to any other person in my life. That's just f*****g great. I hope you picked up the sarcasm on that last sentence, because it'd prove that you do have a sense of care in the damn body that houses you.

When it comes to this point I will not however let myself end up resorting to what most victims of this commonly fall to;

- Smoking
- Alchohol
- Drugs
- Suicide
- Crime

My words fall on deaf ears. Do something about it, because I can't seem to do so.


I really want to help this guy; I just don't know how! I've tried socializing with him in the past but he just seems to find me boring or either doesn't understand what I'm saying; can anyone give me some advice on how to communicate with him and help him out? I really don't want to see this guy get anymore depressed; its heart breaking. :(



MyWorld
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30 May 2011, 6:53 am

Have you tried talking to him online or through texting? It might be easier if you got to know each other more that way first. Some people might have easier time understanding if they read rather than if they listen. The time taken between messages or posts would help him absorb the information you are sending. You said he gropes women. I wonder if his parents even bothered to teach him that that is totally innapropriate because he could face problems with the law that way down the road.



izzeme
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30 May 2011, 7:01 am

this sounds like a real heavy case indeed, a noble guesture that you still try to help him.
one thing that helps me when i'm depressed is a real life listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, if needed; i recommend step one to be just that; offer to be that ear, not just on facebook or a video-chat; but actually there in real life, try to find a location that he can feel comfortable in, preferably letting him choose.

for the rest, i try to do something simular to you, but in my case it's easier becouse the person is less severely impacted.
i met this guy in my orchestra, and joined his D&D group (my own interest though), so i often draw parralells between the real world and that of D&D, to give examples that he can better follow.
my latest advise was that he should try to think of something random/funny to do in every situation he saw, be it a documentary, sitcom, college classroom or out on the street; not doing it, but just thinking of something to do.

another thing you could try recommending is acting class; it should give him a simplified idea of society that's more reliable then what you see trough TV, and quite possibly also a few friends; being aspie it's quite possible that he feels at home acting to be someone else and he might even be very funny/creative in making up plots; at the very least he should pick up a few social skills.

the 'getting a girlfriend' part is something i didn't fully figure out myself yet, but i do got a decent set of female friends, step one should be to get into his mind that when in doubt, it's better to not touch women, especially in *those* places.
to get some friends, females are usually easier to get then males, for an aspie, it will help his cause a lot if he would become a listener, just hearing out women and acting like a replacement diary; one that talks back if required.