How to get someone to recognise they may be on the spectrum?

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I have been married to my husband for almost a year now (been together 5 1/2 years).

Now this is a predicument for me on it's own, on one hand I have such awful social difficulties, I can't do groups of people or any kind of structured activities. I have to claim disability benefits and I have never had a job.

Now what we've just had to do is complete a new form for me changing over to the new ESA, which replaced Incapacity Benefit in the UK.

Now, my husband isn't like most 'NT' people, he puts up with some of the stuff I do that most people would only last 5 minutes with. I don't think this is so much tolarance, than acceptance. He THINKS in very similar ways to myself too. Having to fill these forms on for the ESA benefit has really highlighted how much he is like me. We have included this in the info we had to submit, that whereas he is very lenient with me and my aspie traits, the rest of the population wouldn't hack it for long.

I do really obscure stuff, have serious anxiety, have meltdown stuff pretty much every day, but my husband just isn't phased, he acts in similar ways! He doesn't suffer SO much with the anxiety, but like me, he feels only the darkest, most bleak outcome is what will happen in everything, he is obsessive with things like eating. He won't touch new foods unless he tries a taste first, he won't eat a meal without red meat on his plate because he says the meal is not complete without it. I keep telling him red meat isn't that good for you in large amounts as it is bloated up with chemicals, but he doesn't listen lol. He is repulsed by fish, but if he tries some, he says he likes it, and he is very fussy about trying any new foods he's not used to. He is very rigid, like when he was a kid I think he had a fishbone in his throat, so now he thinks all fish will do that to him, no matter how well we bone it.

He does worry about things, one of his main areas is what other people think of him, his self image is this 'hard' type, which in a way he is, but he thinks he has to be like this because everyone is 'out to get him'. He's got long hair and enjoys similar music & stuff to me, so we do have 'normal' things in common.

He is very fixed, hates ANYTHING changing, works everything out in a merticules order, like for example if I clean and move the orniments on the mantle, he will have to place them back in exactly the same spots they were in as he likes to see them.

He is obsessed with the xbox and games, and it's very hard to get him off the darn thing when we need to do stuff lol.

I have hinted that he may be somewhere on the spectrum, very different to me with similar traits, if you get that. He has a job, and has done a lot better for himself than I have, he's a proud guy, but he really does suffer with some of these asperger-like issues. I think if he saw someone, because I am fighting to get professional help now, after the anxiety of this ESA benefit stuff has almost landed me in hospital, we are battling with the 'services' to cough up and offer me some ASD specific support. I think if he was found to have a form of ASD, it would help us both understand each other, and he would be able access help alongside me, and we may get some support together as well as just me,

He thinks a diagnosis would mean having to stop working, and be a 'bum' on benefits lol. which I insist to him it certainly would not, lots of aspies live very fullfilling lives and are employed till retirement no problem. It means people with it are different, no aspie is anything like the next. I can't work mainly because of my social and anxiety problems.

He has social problems too, he has just two mates, apart from me, and I know he finds it very difficult to relate to people on that level. He finds social cues hard to get too. I think he is somewhere on the scale of ASD, somewhere, but I can't get him to listen to the idea. He has said himself sometimes that he thinks he has Asperger's, but on the other hand, he seems afraid of seeking a diagnosis or any kind of confermation.

How would one go about telling someone this may benefit them? It could help him understand me better, and why we get on so well. It may also help show him why I find life so hard, because most people are not like him and are not so tolorant of my 'ways'

I would ask you this, then... is he unhappy? Because if he's content, functioning, and not looking for help, then I'd let it go. It might help him... if he wanted or needed help. But I'm not reading that. I'm getting that you're both very fortunate. You've found someone who gets it. You said he accepts you as you are. That is one of the best possible things you can have. It's one of the best things you can offer, too.

I did not know what Asperger's was until I saw a daytime doctors show that discussed the autism spectrum on tv. On the show they talked about the symptoms and traits everyone in my family said that sounds like me so I started doing research on autism finding all the facts I could to see if I should pursue a dignosis. They mentioned WrongPlanet on the show so I signed up five minutes after the show. Then I did a search for Aspergers on youtube where I found a lot of videos of people discussing their Aspergers and how it effects them. So I guess we need more public sevice announcements (PSA's) There are a lot of adults with autism who were adults when they first started diagnosing for Aspergers since most people are diagnosed as a child because they spot it at when they are in school. I never heard about it until I saw it on tv so wonder how many more people are like the way I was before I saw the show. I use to think autism meant a form of mental retardation like "Rainman" little did I know I was myself autistic.

I was shocked to see that a 4 1/2 year old with obvious autism, was disregarded as different by his father. When the mother showed up, both her and the father seemed obviously neurodiverse.

In casual conversation I brought up autistic behaviour in a very subtle way to the father.

He was not prepared to accept that his child was different. The kid was hand flapping all over the place, no eye contact and very much in his own world.

It's difficult to tell. I would rather not push him hard to get a diagnosis if he's not prepared for it yet. He can get help from you to learn more about himself if he wants, or surf the internet. It's ok if he doesn't seek for official help (ASD specific support, ESA).

As Surfman implied, much emphasis should be put on your kids, when time arrives.