Is this the wrong text message to send to an NT?

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oddness
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10 Jun 2011, 2:39 pm

Is the following the wrong text mesage to send to an NT, ie will they think Im being too honest. Only I fear I cant further my relationship with this person if I dont make this clear because in hindsight this may be the second invitation I have missed because I just dont get subtle hints until after Ive sat down and thought the conversation through.

Text: Hi, you might like to know that I dont get subtle hints until about 1hr later. Its been 1hr since you mentioned that movie thats coming out that youd like to go to. I wouldn mind going if you were inviting me.

So any opinions/alterations on the above are welcome!



Brianruns10
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10 Jun 2011, 2:50 pm

Hmmmm, that's a tough call. Kudos for being forthright, but it may not be the right time to mention this.

Is there any way you can spin it, like, "You know, that movie you mentioned sounds interesting. I'd like to see it. Wanna come with?"



OneStepBeyond
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10 Jun 2011, 3:12 pm

i think it sounds like a fun risk to take:)

maybe make it less wordy because it sounds very overthought, like... 'i'm no good at hints, i'd love to see that movie with you if you were inviting me?'. that way it seems less dramatic somehow if you got the wrong end of the stick



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10 Jun 2011, 3:16 pm

the text was quite effective to me... i like the wording and the formality, though depending on your usual communication style you might want to make it sound more casual.


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OneStepBeyond
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10 Jun 2011, 3:19 pm

yeah i liked it too:D
just thought it might be less risky and scary to send if more casual



hyperlexian
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10 Jun 2011, 3:21 pm

OneStepBeyond wrote:
yeah i liked it too:D
just thought it might be less risky and scary to send if more casual

true. more formal could come across as too nervous or serious


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oddness
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10 Jun 2011, 3:36 pm

Thanks for your advice I have sent it now but shortened it a bit first like u said to make it seem a bit less formal and thought out.
A bit of a risk? Yes. At 26 and never been in a relationship I have recently started to think why the hell not do or say what whatever comes into my head, it cant cause me to have any less friends than the none I currently have. Plus I started meeting up with this person because a work collegue of mine mentioned I might get along with him and so I took the leap and I sent him a random message on facebook. ie I the girl asked the boy out. I had my doubts but realised if what I want doesnt come to me I have to go and get it and people will either like me for who I am or not in which case I wouldnt what to know them anyway.



OneStepBeyond
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10 Jun 2011, 3:38 pm

nice:)
let us know how it goes down



oddness
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10 Jun 2011, 4:47 pm

Have got a reply and it seems to read like my text was understood and I had guessed correctly about him wanting to know if I want to go with him to see the movie. Another tick in the autistic box on my self diagnosis sheet! for taking an hour to realise what someone meant by a sentence that an NT would surely have reacted to straight away.

Anyway the reply basically said:
"Oh I was just hunting the web for some more info on it for you, like the trailer and where its showing. Hadnt found it yet though. I think it comes out next month so we have plenty of time. And I'll try to be a bit more blatant next time! Still cant stop humming that last song we heard . B x"

I take it this means I didnt seem interested when he stated there was a new movie coming out and he thought I needed convincing. However if the question had have been "do you want to see the new movie?" the answer would have been yes. People are just so cryptic sometimes. The sentence about being blatant I am going to take in a good way and assume it was meant as a sort of joke or said to try to lighten the mood because my text seemed a little serious and he's not used to people speaking their mind. At least he doesnt appear to be offended or think Im loopy because of what I said.

Is it too much to hope I wonder, that he might start to understand that my lack of enthusiasm about a statement might mean I dont understand what he's hinting at and not that Im not interested.



hyperlexian
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10 Jun 2011, 6:28 pm

awwwwwww! that is pretty obvious now, no question! great news to hear, good for you about following up instead of just ignoring it or assuming something bad.

people speak cryptically because they are mortally afraid of being rejected. so if you had understood his text but not been interested, you could have ignored his hint and it would have been a "soft" rejection. he may have put out a little hint one or two more times at a later date but would eventually figure out you were not interested. nobody loses their dignity that way.

but if he had bluntly asked, you could have said, "WHAAAAAAT? NO WAY, EWWW!" which would be more of a "hard" rejection. he could not have saved face in that situation.

it isn't a system that works for aspies.


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OneStepBeyond
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10 Jun 2011, 6:39 pm

aww budding romance ahoy!

more blatent in the future= he's obviously planning to ask you out a lot more. he sounds very interested so try not to worry so much:)



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10 Jun 2011, 7:43 pm

Image

Good work my friend!! !


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10 Jun 2011, 7:43 pm

Good luck, hope you go and see the movie!



oddness
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11 Jun 2011, 9:38 am

OneStepBeyond wrote:
more blatent in the future= he's obviously planning to ask you out a lot more.

Interesting interpretation there. I hadnt though of it that way. Im quite excited now. Thanks for all your advice. :D



sara-pezzini
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12 Jun 2011, 3:57 pm

oddness wrote:
OneStepBeyond wrote:
more blatent in the future= he's obviously planning to ask you out a lot more.

Interesting interpretation there. I hadnt though of it that way. Im quite excited now. Thanks for all your advice. :D


absolutely agree here! he is going to ask you out more and knows to tell it more blatently now...this really sounds good!! it made me smile! goodluck!