What type of child to raise?

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I posted this in the parents section but perhaps it is more appropriate here. From what I can tell, you are all adults, and some but not all of you have kids.

If you have kids, or if you - hypothetically speaking - had kids,

would you prefer that your kid be:

A.) Smart
B.) Happy
C.) Good
D.) Successful (Career wise)

Also, and more importantly,...(for those who do have kids)

Which of the above does your kid think YOU most want THEM to be?

For those who don't have kids, reflecting on your own self, which value did your own parents prefer of you most? Did they first and foremost prefer that you were a genius, did they price your happiness above everything else, did they constantly harp on you getting into a good school or career field, or did they most want you to be a good human being. I don't care if they wanted you to be all of those things, but which ONE value did they communicate the most to you?

Happy.

I'd want them to be smart, so I can interact with them and teach them science. Otherwise I'd find them boring company.

I am attempting to raise my daughter to be good. The other 3 qualities without a moral foundation of "do no harm" makes a person a jerk at best, a danger at worst.

With the arguable exception of "happy", all of those are very variable of definition [particularly "successful"], and none of them are really w ithin a parent's control.

Number 1 Son is intelligent and talented.

He is comfortable with himself and easy with others of his circle, like most of us reasonably dissatisfied with what he has.

He is responsible, well-intentioned, distinguishing right from wrong and not always thoughtful.

He has made a reasonable start along the career path he has chosen, though currently closer to broke than rich.

IF I had had a choice and control, I would have asked for an alert offspring with a fairly high level of type health.

That is what we got - thank God.

That's a good point. I put down "good" as though I have some sort of control in that but really I don't. I can lead a horse to water but not make her drink, if she chooses not to.

Now that you bring it up, not even "happy" is under a parent's control. Parents can manage (to some extent) the enviroment and their own interactions with the child in the hopes that "happy" will be the result (or not, if they don't value "happy", as many parents don't). But "happy" is also affected by inborn neurology. My daughter has extreme anxiety (common enough with autism) and is happy only in very low stimulus enviroments. (It's the reason the Intense World theory of autism seems so plausible to me.) So much of the world is high stimulus that she is unhappily overwhelmed by the muchness of everything regardless of what I do.

Other kids may inherit a tendency to depression or a child may inherit some sort of mental illness which makes happiness frequently out of reach.

I have four children (all grown up with my eldest in the early stages of geezerdom). What I preferred or wished for is not necessarily what I got. Children are genuine human beings with their own personalities and preferences. Parents have surprisingly little effect on the final result.

ruveyn

My one sister is "well-adjusted" and very much in control of her environment and as far as one can tell always happy [though I know of a period od severakl years when I think the INWARD smile must at least have quivered.

My other sister - you can see it in the eyes in the baby pictures - began life anxious and puzzled and disgruntled and - though she survives - has not stopped yet,

As you say, preset mental issues have a great influence there

I have a six year old girl with PDD-NOS, and most of all, I wish her choices a,b, and c. Choice d is secondary, since I think you can be content with the first three choices.

-Bill, otherwise known as Kraichgauer

Smart. I cannot use any child of mine as a means of spreading my memes unless that child has intelligence.

That being said, I suppose any further speculation will hinge on what is meant by "happy" and "good", because the framework presented doesn't allow effective marginal analysis.

Succesful.

I would contest this.

it is whatever your definition of a happy or good child is. It is more of an emotional question: which value would you more want to see inculcated into your child, what value did your own parents want you to be, and what value does your child think you most want them to be.

Human.

That is totally understandable but I am curious: what value is being communicated as the preference from parent to child of the four options I listed, and which value of the four did your kids think you most communicated to them? (regardless of how they turned out.)

I haven't had the opportunity to father a child, though my hope is that they take ethics and morality seriously and whether they turn out what I consider a "good" human being, I hope they can say that that was my sole task as a parent, was to raise a good human being. They will attend an international school, they will be multilingual, and I hope to share my love of travel, design, and embracing all cultural and ideological walks of life but ethics and morality would be my focus.

Then comes the question, what does the child want for the parents?

Little control there, either - both Herself and myself [so how else do you say it?] would have wanted some changes.