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TeaEarlGreyHot
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24 Jun 2011, 9:09 am

Thank you for the information, AngelRho. Fascinating.


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AngelRho
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24 Jun 2011, 10:33 am

=)

Law is a fascination of mine, and I was lucky to work in law for a brief period while I was between schools. My wife used to do this every day. If either party to a divorce is unwilling to let the other go, any halfway decent lawyer together with legal and court fees can bury a spouse so deep in paperwork that the whole process could take YEARS. Like the old song says, "It's cheaper to keep her."

I think that in part keeps us together. I have few interests, and they're all intense. Marriage and family is something I'm passionate about. I firmly believe that love is an important component of a relationship--but it is a small component and one of many pieces of the puzzle.

As an example--we're going to a church music conference next week. I was told quite firmly that I was NOT to even consider bringing my keyboard with me. I pouted, of course, but didn't bring it up again until this morning. Long story short, I pointed out that it is a MUSIC conference and a great opportunity to work on some ideas while we are there--so why would she tell me not to bring a musical instrument? She said she thought about that as soon as we'd ended our previous conversation and realized the mistake, though in her mind she feared that having it when we're surrounded by all my instruments already would be a distraction.

The point here being that it's not just about love or just about one of us getting his or her way. I see part of the reason why couples sometimes stray as the things we do such as work become distractions in concert with unrealistic expectations. Though we can't avoid the opposite sex entirely beyond the marriage context, there are certain behaviors to avoid. One of those is avoiding spending extended lengths of time talking to a married person of the opposite sex; likewise a married person should maintain a certain amount of distance. What happens is husbands stay too busy to pay attention to their wives and the wives become more susceptible to the attention of other men. Or perhaps a wife neglects intimacy with her husband and he meets a woman at work whose husband is never at home. It's not that we go looking to cheat, but one does have to show empathy to understand how things can come to that and work towards avoiding it. Part of it, I think is taking the initiative to avoid certain situations when you are at your most vulnerable. And to do that your marriage has to be your top priority before any other relationship.

Looks like the consensus is messing around or just dating someone in the divorce process is not the best idea. Personally, I wouldn't even consider it. If you insist in it, do this: plan lunch dates during the work week every week or two weeks. If you're totally diggin each other by this point, take her out for something REALLY nice, or take her dancing or something, when the final decree comes through as a celebration. You'll cause much less trouble that way.