DRIVING - need advice &/or stories please

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This is my first post so I'll say a quick intro. I always knew something was a little different about my son, even straight from birth. When he was 5 'they' tried to diagnose him with ADD but I thought his behavior had more to do with the fact that I was a single mom and he had a really rough life. From the ages of about 6-12 I was asked 3 times if he had A.S. Finally after the third time (he was 12 at the time) I did a little research to at least see what they were talking about and why they thought he had it. I saw he fit most of the symptoms but still shrugged it off because I did not want him labeled with anything and things seemed to be going all right anyway. As he got a little older I noticed he still really struggled with reading, thinking quickly, reasoning normally, etc. I decided to have him tested when he was 15. Yes, he has A.S. Ok ... so now we knew for sure though I guess I really didn't need the testing. They gave us a few tips on how to deal with the different way of thinking and processing information. They told me he would have a hard time driving (they told me a lot more than that, but I"m keeping it short here and assume you all know this stuff anyway). They wanted to send him somewhere else but I never went back; I figured we could handle it.

I have never sought the help of anyone that is familiar with this 'disorder' (I consider it a gift and would not have my son to be any other way). I have never been around or known anyone else who has this or who's child has this ... my son is all I know and I have nothing to compare him to.

Ok, so now my point. He will be 18 in less than 2 months and still cannot drive in the city. He drives in the country all right (though he usually goes 10 to 20 miles under the speed limit on the highways). He can drive anything he gets into - all various kinds of tractors and other vehicles - but he's funny about it. He just sits there first and has to think. He adjusts things that do not need to be adjusted, looks at things that don't need to be looked at, checks things that do not need to be checked, reminds himself (outloud but quietly) where the pedals and other things are, etc.

He drives like a robot ... I don't know how else to discribe it. So stiff and unnatural. He's been driving now for more than 2 years and still does SO MANY THINGS WRONG. There is no way he'd pass a driving test and even if by some freak accident he did pass I would not let him drive alone in the city. His 13 year old brother is working with him in the country most the time, so he is there to help him out if he needs it but I tell him to just be quiet and let Tylor figure it out if at all possible.

I am a very calm and peaceful person, but if I react calm and peaceful to him while he's driving and about to make a very bad mistake, he does not understand the urgency of the situation. For example, today while driving home he nearly ran two red lights. Each time I'd say calmly something like, "Tylor please stop, the light is red" but there would be no change. Then I'd have to get a little loud and say, "TYLOR STOP!" and then he would stop but be a little confused.

I didn't realize how bad he was with driving till my daughter turned 15 and started driving. She just gets in the car and goes. Yes, she has made a few small mistakes, but she just drives like a normal person and none of us are fearing for our lives when she drives

My heart goes out to him. We do our best to laugh at it but really it is a serious situation. Once we joked about how he might just be better off riding a bicycle, but then right away we were all taking that back because he does the same thing on a bicycle, only he's been riding them for more than half his life. He cannot be the leader. We've lived in the same SMALL town for the last two years and he does not know how to get to walmart 2 miles away.

Well, this was longer than I intended but like I said, I just don't normally talk to people about this stuff and need some help, advice, or even just a confirmation that yes this is normal ... even if it means he will never have a driver's license. If you have a driving story to share, please do.

Thank you for your time and help.

I had great difficulty learning to drive, many aspies never learn at all. There are several reasons why but the main two are the problems we have with our bodies (clumsy, awkward etc.) and sensory problems. The fact that he finds it more difficult in town suggests that he does have sensory issues - there's a lot more going on and it's just too much to process. I recommend Temple Grandins book "Thinking in Pictures" for a good insight into whats going on in his head.

I'm learning to drive right now, and I'm being told I'm doing well. I guess it's more of a confidence issue with some people. Just be patient with your son, he might learn well, or not want to at all.

I'll be 31 in a few and still cant drive, godamn!
i really dont think anyone can give you relevant advice. you just have to do it, it you fail try until you succeed

I had a hard time learning to drive as well, though most of the problem with me was the kind of car the family had (I wasn't too keen on driving a van).

One thing that might help your son with finding his way around is to give directions in landmarks, instead of street names. Instead of saying, "take a right on Chestnut Street," say "take a right at the gas station." For a lot of aspies, landmarks are easier to remember than which street is where - plus, it is easier when you're driving to look for a certain building than to look for the street signs, which might not be placed too conveniently. As for stuff like checking or adjusting things that may not need to be adjusted, that sounds like just one of "those aspie things." I tend to check my mirrors whenever I get in my car, even though I'm the only one who drives it, and I might have only gotten out of it about 5 minutes before; its just something I do.

On to experience; I didn't learn to drive from my dad (seeing as my mother is blind), I learned from a vocational education program that does one-on-one lessons, and the people who work there are trained to work with people with Asperger's and other disabilities (one guy I met there was in a wheelchair and was learning to drive in a modified van). I didn't even start these lessons until after I turned 18. Try looking into a vocational education place in your area, or, if worst comes to worst, try a driving school, with warnings to the school about his problems.

learning to drive was hard for me too; the mechanical aspect/vehicle control wasn't the problem, i got that right in only 2 lessons, but the actual being part of the traffic gave me trouble, it took me a while to adjust my 'normal' situational awareness to a wider spread one that was needed for driving; also, the fact that the instructor didn't believe me that i saw what i needed to see without moving my head didn't help in passing the exams either...

however; even though i can drive just fine now, control has become natural, i keep the speed limit and anticipate other traffic on high/motorways, city traffic is still something i avoid as much as possible; there is just too much going on.
if you are driving on the highway; all cars are going the same way at roughly the same speed, all that's happening is a car overtaking you.
however, in a city you got cars going everywhere, sideroads straight out into the one you are going on, traffic lights, pedestrians and cyclists just marching trough everywhere without even trying to see if you saw them...
i *can* drive in a city though, but it's very straining; an hour in a city costs the same amount of energy as a full day on a motorway...

Thank you all for the responses. I never thought about a vocational educational program - I'll have to check into that. I think it would help him to have someone else that understands what is going on in his head. We live in a small town but might find something of the sort in one of the bigger towns within 1 - 1 1/2 hours from here. I'll ask around.

He certainly does get confused at the smallest things when driving (or any time, but driving is much harder because of all the stuff going on around him at the same time) - and some days are much worse than others. Is that normal too? It seems that for some reason he sometimes has a better day than most where his mind is able to process a little quicker (though still slower than 'normal' people). And then he has some days where he is exceptionally slow at processing - slower than what is 'normal' for him. It's days like that that I fear to let him drive. But, as long as I am there to keep him from doing something stupid, he makes it through. I am thankful he is laid back and easy going and does not mind that he is having obvious problems.

Thank you for the book suggestion 'Thinking in Pictures' - I will check into that. I once read a book called "The Gift of Dyslexia"; I read the first 3 or 4 chapters straight through and had to cry because they were describing my son. (we assume he is dyslexic in some way too) I didn't cry for sadness, I was just happy to have some clarity and understanding about his way of thinking. It sounds like the book suggested here will be very beneficial for me to read.

Thank you all again.

Ug, driving...one of the things I really hate doing. I'm 22 and I live in Southern California so there are freeways and traffic everywhere, it's a nightmare.

I had a hard time learning to drive. I got 100% on the written exam but the actual driving test I had to do 3 times.

The only thing that helps me somewhat is listening to music. I have to have it on and usually loudly. It helps distract me from feeling every bump, every little small slope of the road and hearing all the noise of the other cars. I can't have someone talking to me or have people having conversations. I dread driving, especially to places I've never been or places I don't know very well. I can't drive on the freeway either, I have a hard enough time driving the streets. The more cars that are around me and the faster I have to go the more anxious I get.

But, my family doesn't seem to understand this. *sigh*

i didn't get my license until i was 20. i learned by practicing on a big parking lot at the zoo on the days when it was closed. there wasn't much damage i could do, to the car or anything else, there; & after i'd mastered the mechanicals, i started by driving the little back streets around where i lived.

i still don't drive on the freeway (only the interstate). what bothered me the most was how cars coming up fast from behind don't slow down; they expect you to get out of their way. i still find this kind of bullying, but it's gotten easier since i understood almost nobody's really trying to hit me.

I started off driving at 16, I cought on to it pretty fast but I also have an obsession for cars lol. I still have trouble with paying attention to just driving instead of every thing else thats going on. If he is ever going to learn it he has to want it! Also land marks are great most of use remember things in are heads like where looking at pictures hope this helps some.