Even for an Aspie, I am so socially inept. Never had a GF

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Adam82
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30 Jun 2011, 3:20 am

Not once. And I'm nearly 29! I am convinced there's something seriously wrong with me. I am a Masters graduate, and I'm currently a full time English teacher, but I've never had a relationship of any kind, with a female. I want a long term relationship, and I would actually like kids one day. But as I get older, I become more and more disillusioned that it will never happen. I have liked a few girls in my time. But it has never been reciprocated. The latest one is a friend, but she's with another guy, so there's nothing I can do.

Are there any late bloomer Aspies here, or even married ones, that can give me some ounce of hope? Because I see all these teenagers and early 20s Aspies on here saying they've had b/gfs, which makes me feel very behind and inadequate.

Thanks
Adam :)



ScientistOfSound
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30 Jun 2011, 3:43 am

Have you ever considered online dating before?



Adam82
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30 Jun 2011, 3:46 am

ScientistOfSound wrote:
Have you ever considered online dating before?


Never.



Tehsbe
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30 Jun 2011, 3:50 am

Try online dating, get into some hobbies that might attract the kind of girl you like (eg Get a puppy, it's amazing how well i've seen this done), and most importantly, learn how to make her laugh, but not with traditional jokes, just by slipping in snarky little comments into conversation. My rule of thumb for flirting is to poke fun and make them laugh at the same time *Disclaimer: Don't do this for first impressions, for first impressions, just try making them laugh.
If you make her laugh, she'll remember you.



starryeyedvoyager
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30 Jun 2011, 5:57 am

Adam82 wrote:
Not once. And I'm nearly 29! I am convinced there's something seriously wrong with me. I am a Masters graduate, and I'm currently a full time English teacher, but I've never had a relationship of any kind, with a female. I want a long term relationship, and I would actually like kids one day. But as I get older, I become more and more disillusioned that it will never happen. I have liked a few girls in my time. But it has never been reciprocated. The latest one is a friend, but she's with another guy, so there's nothing I can do.

Are there any late bloomer Aspies here, or even married ones, that can give me some ounce of hope? Because I see all these teenagers and early 20s Aspies on here saying they've had b/gfs, which makes me feel very behind and inadequate.

Thanks
Adam :)


It fluctuates. I am not on these boards for a long time, but it is like the ebb and flow of the tides. Sometimes, there's many Aspies complaining about their lack of experience, and some times, there is alot of Aspies telling you about their relationships. Trust me, there are many male Aspies that are at the same age or near that age who do not have any experience with women whatsoever. Me, for example.



nick007
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30 Jun 2011, 7:39 am

Have you ever thought about the mail-order bride thing OP :?: It may be better to skip the typical dating scene sense that is not working for you. I would totally do it if I had the money & skills to travel to another country because it is impossible for me to get a date so I think it's better to find a way around that step


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Lene
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30 Jun 2011, 10:19 am

Quote:
eg Get a puppy


Whilst they're great company if you're lonely, don't get one just to attract a girl! Dogs live a long time and it's unfair to get one if you don't actually want it. A puppy will also take time to rear and will need attention, so if you're a fulltime teacher that could be tricky.

Dress up extra nice for parent-teachers evening; just going by the statistics, someone's bound to be a divorcee...



Adam82
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01 Jul 2011, 3:38 am

Lene wrote:
Quote:
eg Get a puppy


Whilst they're great company if you're lonely, don't get one just to attract a girl! Dogs live a long time and it's unfair to get one if you don't actually want it. A puppy will also take time to rear and will need attention, so if you're a fulltime teacher that could be tricky.

Dress up extra nice for parent-teachers evening; just going by the statistics, someone's bound to be a divorcee...


Not really into the divorcee mother thing, sorry.



LikeGreenAndBlue
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01 Jul 2011, 9:34 am

I feel exactly the same way. Women are almost never interested in me and especially the pretty and hot ladies. It seems like they just don't feel any attraction to me.

Everytime there is a hot lady I want to ask out, she either already has a boyfriend, is just not interested in me and politely tells me to get lost or just comes up with another excuse not to date me.

Maybe it's because they don't like my personality or maybe it is my bad karma getting back at me. Or maybe God simply doesn't want me to have a girlfriend. I don't know really.



Last edited by LikeGreenAndBlue on 01 Jul 2011, 9:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

OneStepBeyond
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01 Jul 2011, 9:37 am

a teacher who wants kids? id tap that



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01 Jul 2011, 9:59 am

Well I would give you the same advice I give to women who say this to me. Aim to increase your social circle, male and female. As soon as you start thinking of girls as friends, not fodder for dating, as crass as that sounds, you'll find them everywhere. The best relationships blossom out of friendships, imo. When you chat to girls about life, they get to see the real you, and I gurantee someone will fall for that.

Oh and re the divorcee mother thing? It's best not to think in black and white terms of what you do and don't want too much, you could miss out on some great women that way!

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hale_bopp
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01 Jul 2011, 10:14 am

LikeGreenAndBlue wrote:
Everytime there is a hot lady I want to ask out, she either already has a boyfriend, is just not interested in me and politely tells me to get lost or just comes up with another excuse not to date me.


Are you hot? If not perhaps they want someone hot to match them. Not meaning to be rude it's an honest question.

I agree with the above poster, too. Stop seeing girls as a "potential GF" and start seeing them as friends.



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01 Jul 2011, 10:27 am

Everyone gets rejected. Try to figure out why the rejections occur. Improve your approach for the next time. Usually it's best to ask someone out lightly. Don't be deadly serious and intense about it. Shrug it off and make a joke if they aren't interested.

Over time you should be able to figure out some of your own errors. And there will be errors. I can't say what they might be.



justjelliot
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01 Jul 2011, 11:35 am

Adam82 wrote:
Not once. And I'm nearly 29! I am convinced there's something seriously wrong with me. I am a Masters graduate, and I'm currently a full time English teacher, but I've never had a relationship of any kind, with a female. I want a long term relationship, and I would actually like kids one day. But as I get older, I become more and more disillusioned that it will never happen. I have liked a few girls in my time. But it has never been reciprocated. The latest one is a friend, but she's with another guy, so there's nothing I can do.

Are there any late bloomer Aspies here, or even married ones, that can give me some ounce of hope? Because I see all these teenagers and early 20s Aspies on here saying they've had b/gfs, which makes me feel very behind and inadequate.

Thanks
Adam :)



You're not alone. I'm 25, similar situation. My best suggestion is to try online dating. Nobody on there has a boyfriend, they're all looking. Okcupid is free. You've got nothing to lose.


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Bataar
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01 Jul 2011, 12:57 pm

I'm in the same situation as the OP except that I have tried online dating. Hasn't worked. I only have a couple of old pics of myself and they aren't incredibly flattering so I don't get anyone sending me emails and no one replies to my communications so that's been a bust.



justjelliot
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01 Jul 2011, 1:09 pm

Bataar wrote:
I'm in the same situation as the OP except that I have tried online dating. Hasn't worked. I only have a couple of old pics of myself and they aren't incredibly flattering so I don't get anyone sending me emails and no one replies to my communications so that's been a bust.


How do your messages typically read? I have no problem getting girls to answer messages. What do your pix look like? Maybe we could do something about that too, and find better poses, etc. It never hurts to put your best foot forward.


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